Mixed signals

[HollyHanes1]

Hello again everyone, my story is in my previous threads.

 

Wish I wasn’t here again and thought I never would be as I had made a lot of changes in my life and my ex had become pretty much irrelevant.

 

However, at a party 2 weeks ago we kissed and he pulled me aside and told me ‘he missed me, he missed us, he missed this’, he told me that when he broke up with me he spent a lot of time ‘trying to convince himself it was the right decision’ and that the months following were ‘the hardest time of his life’. I also suggested going back to his house (bad decision) but he actually said no that we shouldn’t. He then asked if I was around the next day to meet up and talk, which I wasn’t.

This is the first time he has ever articulated any form of regret, I didn’t say anything back to him because he was a little drunk.

However, the next day he did message me. He didn’t say anything about what he’d say about our relationship but he was asking me a lot of questions and asked if I’d be home (where he goes to college) more this year, as I’m taking a year out.

After that conversation we barely spoke, apart from one other time I had to text him about something but I stopped replying.

 

Fast forward to 2 days ago we were at the same party, and we went out to town to the pub. I lost all my friends and was alone, and bumped into him and he was insanely drunk. He was also alone so I took him for food to sober up and then took him back to our friends. I was half looking after him half wanting to get alone with him to see what he’d say. When we got back he fell asleep on the couch and was pretty unresponsive. An hour later he wakes up and pulls me in beside him and kisses my forehead. Then we stare at each other for a bit to see should we keep going, and start kissing.

 

The house was freezing so he said maybe we should just lie and cuddle because it’s so cold (hopefully meaning he wasn’t intentionally gunna use me for sex?) but of course one thing lead to another. I was very hesitant and he knew this and said he wasn’t pressuring me but being drunk I had very low self control.

 

The next day I messaged him asking to talk and said I didn’t think we should continue doing this because I didn’t want to end up in a fwb situation. He replied ‘yeah haha very true.’ And asked me a question about the night completely unrelated to us. So, he completely just dodged the fact I wanted to talk and I got no support from him in trying to nip this thing in the bud.

 

I’m annoyed and upset as I was more or less fully healed, I hadn’t been on this site in months and he was so irrelevant to me and now I feel horrible and used and like I’m not even worth a conversation.

 

I could really do with everyone’s advice please, thank you.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Don't mistake hookups for reconciliation. Stop hanging out with him and don't "cuddle" when you are drunk. You'll be disappointed and get hurt that way. Delete and block this guy. Avoid him.

 

Stop trying to backpedal and try to have 'relationship talks', with him after he broke up with you and you agreed to a drunken hookup.

-at a party 2 weeks ago we kissed and he pulled me aside and told me ‘he missed me, he missed us, he missed this’,

 

-he said maybe we should just lie and cuddle because it’s so cold but of course one thing lead to another. being drunk I had very low self control.

[ChellyV]

Move on, quietly, and avoid any contact.

 

Some people, whenever it benefits them, will randomly reach out - text, call or appear in your favorite places. Then silence. Then a repeat. Then silence.

 

For us, we hope that the new contact is better than the old one. Then again. Then we get tired.

[bluecastle]

Given how long this is going on, I think you have two options here.

 

1. Call it what it is—messy, confusing, unsatisfying—and move on quietly. Time to be done.

 

2. Reach out, have a talk, in a sober setting. Trying to extract information though boozy exchanges, and boozy sex, is not a road to clarity.

 

Do you even know, right now, what you actually want?