So how did you find out ???

[whatwentwrong]

hello i'm new here my question is how did you find out about the affair ? My wife had been on vacation in late August, I had suspected something wasn't right when she came home, so i bought a phone recorder, I would strongly suggest this to anyone with a suspicion, I found out about the affair the day after i bought it, and got her talking to him about 3 weeks later, she was visiting her family, her sister just laughed about it and thought i deserved it, boy that hurt bad, when i confronted her about a week after the conversation with him, she denied it, and denied it to the end, the fight went on for 3 hours, finally i played the conversation for her and she collapsed, i dont know what i'm going to do, I don't know what was worse really the affair or the lying to me, like she looked me right in the eye and denied it. Very confused now, and not sure what will happen, it's been 7 months, did the counselling, tried to piece things back, but its not working. She doesn't want to talk about it anymore, and i need to talk, so this is causing problems. Sorry to ramble, will continue this story later. thanks for listening. Any questions feel free to ask.

[nikki19]

Hello, and welcome. I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. I couldn't imagine a worse thing happening to someone other than a death in the family.

You've done all the right things: ie counselling, talking things through without much help. Time to start thinking about what will make you happy. Dissolving the marriage may be what you need to do. Do you have any children?

[Autun]

For the last couple of weeks of April I knew something just wasn't quite right....Couldn't put my finger on it but you could almost reach and touch it and it just didn't seem right....

Call it gut feel, instinct, intuition or whatever but when you have been married to somebody for 16 years you get to know them pretty well. The one thing I did notice was that she was using our home cimputer a lot but would never do anything with it while I was in the room. She always waited until I left. She probably used the computer more in the last month than she had in the last 6 months.

So I downloaded what is called a key stroke logger program. It keeps a log of the web sites visited and the key strokes associated with those web sites. After about 24 hours I notice a Yahoo e-mail account I was unfamiliar with so I opened it up with the password that was logged and there was about 75 e-mails between her and a co-worker over the last three weeks and they weren't discussing business.

I confronted her with what I found out and she finally admitted to it after originally telling me nothing was going on. That was about 8 or 9 days ago and my life has become a huge crap sandwhich since then...