Does this happen to anyone else?

[Wonderwoman11]

I live in a pretty small town so I run into my ex somewhat often. I have run into him in person (at the store, work, while Going for a walk) maybe 4 or 5 times since we broke up. And he is a police officer in this area so I also pass him driving like a few times a week. Every single time I see him, even if we just drive by each other, my body freaks out.

 

My heart starts pounding, my legs go numb, my face turns bright red, my entire body starts shaking especially my hands, and my mind goes blank at first and then I have racing thoughts. No matter what I do or try to tell myself, this still happens. It makes me feel crazy. Does this happen to anyone else? And how do I get it to stop!?!

 

It is super embarrassing especially if I actually end up having to talk to him. I usually try not to. I try to just say hi and walk by but it's still really embarrassing and an awful feeling. I've always been a super anxious/nervous person. And I've always gotten like shaky hands and a red face when around someone I am interested in but not like this.

 

About a week ago I had posted that I finally realized that there was no hope for reconciliation And I finally was starting to think that even if he were to ever reach out to me I might not want him back anyway. I thought I was finally at a point where i was moving on and starting to get over him...but every time this happens, it makes me feel like I'm not over him at all.

 

I try to avoid going anywhere I think he might be but it's pretty much impossible to not see him at all.

[ThatwasThen]

How long ago did you break up?

[melancholy123]

I think some therapy could help you as your reaction is not typical nor is it healthy.

[shineyboot]

I can relate to this, don't worry it gets easier.

 

I had a break up once where I never dared go anywhere in case there was a risk of seeing him, which there was as it was a small town. I used to work opposite his work and took another entrance which involved a 1 mile extra walk to avoid him. I was like a criminal on the run. Eventually things changed, he got another job so I went back to using the entrance and eventually I moved away. It gets easier. It is often the thought of seeing him that was worse than the actual encounter. Don't let fear run your life. My biggest regret is how much energy I gave the situation.

[shineyboot]

However now I hate going back to this town (my home town) because of the memories. Not of him but of how hurt I was. It all seems such a waste after 10 years looking back. I know it is hard when you are in that situation to think it will ever be different but it did. I found thinking of my future helped, getting a new focus. Small towns are rubbish when it comes to break ups.

[Wonderwoman11]

How long ago did you break up?

 

We broke up 3 months ago.

 

And melancholy I am seeing a therapist. Started right after we broke up.

[Wonderwoman11]

However now I hate going back to this town (my home town) because of the memories. Not of him but of how hurt I was. It all seems such a waste after 10 years looking back. I know it is hard when you are in that situation to think it will ever be different but it did. I found thinking of my future helped, getting a new focus. Small towns are rubbish when it comes to break ups.

 

 

Thanks! It's nice to know I'm not the only person this has ever happened to. I try to avoid places he might be but you are right... i can't live my life like that forever and not do things because I might run into him. That's not fair to me. I keep telling myself it will get better and I won't always react this way. But in the mean time it is really awful. I can't understand how just the sight of someone can make me feel that way. It's crazy to think that a few months ago seeing him made me so happy and now it makes me panic and feel terrible.

 

You are totally right...small towns are awful for breakups! Thanks for sharing! Makes me feel better to hear someone who has been there and gotten through it!

[bluecastle]

At three months out this is totally normal.

 

You're processing a lot, feeling a lot, telling yourself a million different stories about the past to come to terms with the present. Seeing him just kind of amps it all up, because it reminds you that all those feelings and stories are connected to a person who remains out there in the world.

 

I too can relate to the small town bit. I live in a few different cities, including one that has a small town vibe. When I broke up with my gf nearly a year ago I could hardly walk down the street without getting the shakes. When I'd see her—on the street, at a bar—I got that weird shot of adrenaline. I traveled for a bit, to let all that cool off, and though I haven't physically seen her in nearly a year I suspect it wouldn't have much of an effect.

 

So give yourself time, and embrace therapy. It's great for getting to the root of all this, and once we understand the root it's all less mysterious.

[endy]

At three months out this is totally normal.

 

You're processing a lot, feeling a lot, telling yourself a million different stories about the past to come to terms with the present. Seeing him just kind of amps it all up, because it reminds you that all those feelings and stories are connected to a person who remains out there in the world.

 

I too can relate to the small town bit. I live in a few different cities, including one that has a small town vibe. When I broke up with my gf nearly a year ago I could hardly walk down the street without getting the shakes. When I'd see her—on the street, at a bar—I got that weird shot of adrenaline. I traveled for a bit, to let all that cool off, and though I haven't physically seen her in nearly a year I suspect it wouldn't have much of an effect.

 

So give yourself time, and embrace therapy. It's great for getting to the root of all this, and once we understand the root it's all less mysterious.

 

 

It's normal. I've been reading/posting on here for years and been seeing a therapist for a while... This is worse for some people than others. I'm really learning how fragile we can be and how certain experiences when we are young can just totally shape who we are in relationships. Abandonment issues make breakups worse.

 

 

When I was younger it took me a year and a half to get over 8 month relationships... I wouldn't say that is really normal. There's a reason you're reacting that way too. When you're with someone your body and how it operates literally gets addicted to someone. You're still feeling that which is causing all of those reactions. Completely normal. Just keep working on you and you'll get through it.

[ThatwasThen]

We broke up 3 months ago.

 

And melancholy I am seeing a therapist. Started right after we broke up.

 

At three months you've not yet had time to rehab from the sudden stop of having someone of importance in your life who is now no longer there. Its like any addiction that one is trying to get over, when you relapse (have a hit/see your object of attachment) makes you react physically to the stimulus. Time and what you do with your time is going to get you to the stage of indifference to him. (clean and sober) Zero contact always gets you rehabbed that much faster but in time you will no longer react because your indifference will kick in when you see him.

 

Here's to a speedy route to indifference.