3 months on update

[Idontevenkno]

Hi,

 

I haven't been here in a while so thought I would give an update on my situation.

 

 

I broke up with my bf around 3 months ago the first few weeks were hard but I knew it was for the best, as the weeks went on it got harder and harder until I found myself in a deep depression.

 

I visited my dr and was prescribed anti depressants, I took a few then doubted I was depressed that this was just part of the grieving process so stopped.

 

The following weeks got harder until I was unable to leave the house I spent almost all day crying everyday and basically gave up on life to the point where I was suicidal.

 

I visited my dr again to be told I was in a severe depression and prescribed a new dose of anti depressants, the first 2 weeks were hell my depression didn't lift I felt hopeless all my feelings about the break up were amplified everything made me cry and I didn't want to see anyone or go anywhere.

 

Fast forward to the beginning of last week and the cloud seems to have lifted and I have my own mind back. Am I happy about the break up? No but I'm able to cope in a healthy way, I'm socialising again, going out, taking care of myself and my responsibilities and feel much more positive about the future.

 

I felt like I would never get over this and would feel like this for years to come, everyday it felt fresh and if it had just happened, I was living in a delusional state where I could not accept it and thought the only thing that would bring me back was getting back together.

 

I can now see that the relationship was just one aspect of my life and am able to concentrate on the other aspects of my life and enjoy them and distract myself from any negative feelings.

 

I don't know why this happened, I've never experienced depression before in my life and have been through many sucky break ups and coped coming out the other end okay.

 

I know this is probably rare for most people on this forum but I knew in myself that the emotions I was feelings and despair were on a whole other level from what I should have been feeling weeks and months on after breaking up.

 

So just wanted to update my situation and say that there is light at the end of the tunnel and help out there if you feel like you really aren't coping in a healthy way.

[Carus]

3 months is not that rare. Try me still busted at 10 months! Now that's rare! :-/

 

Still, it is what it is*

 

Glad you're feeling better. Thanks for the update :)

 

Carus*

[smJackson]

I am so happy for you! Yes the journey was rough for you and for has been for a lot of us. That's what happens when we love and give of our ourselves so openly and deeply.

 

In times past, i would've plummeted into a deep depression myself. I'm taking my meds. I'm mentally exhausted and lethargic from my exes mind games, manipulations, punishments, cocaine abuse, mind f**ks, criticisms and insults. He has to find someone else to punish and abuse now; in the meantime im just trying to heal as quickly as possible. So finally, I changed my phone number last night as a last resort for NC. This forum is helping me to cope better and I'm so grateful for all of you here.

 

Thank you so much for giving us hope and updating us on your personal struggles. It's good to know that we will come out of this fine on the other side in due time.

[katrina1980]

I am so glad you're feeling better!!

 

Went through similar myself in late 2015, suicidal at times, all of it, took me over a year to fully recover.

 

I also want to respond about the meds.

 

I am surprised your doctor didn't tell you that it often takes 3-6 weeks for anti-depressants to kick in and start doing their stuff.

 

So many people expect an instant miracle that is not how these meds work.

 

I am glad you continued, sometimes we need them to soldier through tough times, and there is nothing wrong with that!

 

Sorry just my little rant for the day about meds.

 

Anyway, again so happy to hear you're doing well!!

 

Thanks for the update!

[katrina1980]

3 months is not that rare. Try me still busted at 10 months! Now that's rare! :-/

 

Carus*

 

Ten months isn't rare Carus, for me it took well over a year!

 

I put up a great front, denied the feelings, shoved them down, didn't work.

 

Patience and time, you'll get there, I promise, we all do! :)

[figureitout23]

Ten months isn't rare Carus, for me it took well over a year!

 

I put up a great front, denied the feelings, shoved them down, didn't work.

 

Try and be more patient with yourself, you'll get there, I promise, we all do! :)

 

3 months isn't rare, 10 months isn't rare.

 

Our inability to handle the pain of heartbreak, I would say almost always is an indication there's something within us broken or missing. Why? Because we sought out completeness in someone else and when that was gone all that was left was hopelessness.

 

*hops on soap box*

 

I also think as a society we over medicate and look for easy fixes. Depression is real, if it's brought on by a breakup it's situational. I think as an individual you're doing yourself a great deal of good by facing your mental and emotional health than medication.

 

I'm not saying that to be mean. Thisbpost comes off to me as a I made it through, by getting on medication! And I think both sides of that should be spoken.

 

*gets off soapbox*

[katrina1980]

Respect your opinion figureitout, but when one is suicidal, whether it's situational or chronic, sometimes we need a little help over and above our own ability to cope.

 

I don't think it's right to negatively judge those who choose that path temporarily.

 

I didn't take meds after my breakup, I coped myself and struggled but eventually made it over to the other side on my own.

 

As you might also know, I've been diagnosed with bipolar 2 (a very real chemical imbalance in my brain) and no longer take meds. I found other ways to manage my symptoms and very proud of that.

 

However, I've taken meds previously years ago, and at the time I can say with all honesty they literally saved my life.

 

Agree as a society we are way over-medicated, but on temporary basis, they can help.

 

JMO based on my experience, again I respect your opinion too.

[bluecastle]

I'm really happy to hear some of the stormiest clouds have lifted. I know, from past posts, that it's been a hard road for you. Three months, 10 months, two years: healing takes real time, and the path is far from linear.

 

I can very much relate to what you said about knowing that what you were feeling was on a different level than what you "should" have been feeling. Where the level of the pain is disproportionate to the hard facts of the event. As figureitout put it, sometimes breakups unearth some really deep and jagged thorns, turmoil that we hadn't faced for years, and very likely some personal issues (those broken/missing pieces) that we were unknowingly using the relationship to keep hidden in some dusty closet in our minds.

 

My last breakup certainly did this. I knew we were no longer right for each other in the cosmic sense, but somehow I also knew that ending it was going to be a reckoning, one of those moments when the lights turn on at the end of the party and you glance in the mirror and see that you didn't look quite as hot as you thought. I think part of what led me to fight for the relationship toward the end was some inner fear of dealing with the reckoning, but, alas, those broken pieces were demanding attention.

 

It sounds to me like medication has given you the foundation you need to be able to process things without spinning too hard and too fast. Bravo for reaching out for help when you need it—that's the kind of vulnerability that doubles as real strength.

[katrina1980]

 

It sounds to me like medication has given you the foundation you need to be able to process things without spinning too hard and too fast. Bravo for reaching out for help when you need it—that's the kind of vulnerability that doubles as real strength.

 

Well said, my sentiments exactly.

[figureitout23]

Respect your opinion figureitout, but when one is suicidal, whether it's situational or chronic, sometimes we need a little help over and above our own ability to cope.

 

I don't think it's right to negatively judge those who choose that path temporarily.

 

I didn't take meds after my breakup, I coped myself and struggled but eventually made it over to the other side on my own.

 

As you might also know, I've been diagnosed with bipolar 2 (a very real chemical imbalance in my brain) and no longer take meds. I found other ways to manage my symptoms and very proud of that.

 

However, I've taken meds previously years ago, and at the time I can say with all honesty they literally saved my life.

 

Agree as a society we are way over-medicated, but on temporary basis, they can help.

 

JMO based on my experience, again I respect your opinion too.

 

It's not a negative judgement.

 

I was on antidepressants for post partum so I'd be the kettle calling the pot black.

 

When you're going through a breakup you just want the pain to stop, you're almost willing to do anything to get it to just stop. It leads to suicidal thoughts and a flurry of other emotions. Been there, done that, got the tshirt.

 

Ive said this before, pay now, pay later, but you will pay.

 

The issues are never faced or sorted through. So they're sitting there waiting with their hands out like a snot nosed kid on Halloween.

 

It will happen again, each subsequent breakup hitting them harder and harder.

 

So my comment were not meant as a judgement but rather a comment to the dozens of readers who don't comment who are searching for a solution. If you're suicidal, talk to a Dr. But medication isn't going to fix what's truly wrong it is a bandaid and sadly the truth is most people depressed over a breakup arent going to say 'oh I feel better, time to work on myself.' nope it's going to be 'oh I feel better time to get into another relationship!' Lol, and you know it true!

 

I don't know the OPers story but from other responders it seems she was dealing. With depression well before the breakup, so for HER, it worked, she didn't clarify any of that though.

[katrina1980]

 

 

 

So my comment were not meant as a judgement but rather a comment to the dozens of readers who don't comment who are searching for a solution. If you're suicidal, talk to a Dr. But medication isn't going to fix what's truly wrong it is a bandaid and sadly the truth is most people depressed over a breakup arent going to say 'oh I feel better, time to work on myself.' nope it's going to be 'oh I feel better time to get into another relationship!' Lol, and you know it true!

 

Ok apologies, a sensitive topic for me, and on first read, it sounded like you were judging, my bad. :(

 

You make some good points, and agree about jumping into another relation -- too soon.

 

I am guilty of that, and you're right, didn't work, only served to block the real issues, which is why I chose to step away from dating for several months last year. Until I felt I had sorted things out, after which I felt I was ready to get back on the saddle.

 

I enjoy being in a relationship, not because I need a man to "complete" me, I just enjoy the sharing, the connection (among other things ;)

 

Took me going through a few short term before finding a man who was (is!) a good fit! Four months now, so far so good!

 

Sorry didn't mean to make this about me, but thought my experience was relevant to the discussion.

 

I am also sorry for what you have experienced, the post partum, etc. sounds like you've learned a lot from going through all that!

 

Isn't that what life is all about anyway? Living and learning, as my late mom always used to say! :)

[Idontevenkno]

Thanks for all the positive responses.

 

Just wanted to add that I'm in no way advocating everyone going through a break up is depressed or should be medicated.

 

After discussions with my dr and mental health professionals about how I was feeling it became obvious that my feelings were no longer just about the break up. It had just been the trigger.

 

I was unable to do anything and had lost all hope, crying uncontrollably for the most part of everyday, I couldn't hold a conversation with family or friends, wasn't eating or showering most days, ignoring bills and basically just not functioning on any level. I seen no way out and without the help of professionals believe I would still be in that position if not worse.

 

I am also starting counselling to get to the route of why this had such a profound effect on me, I'm also making a point of staying single until I've worked these things out and can say I am comfortably and happy being single. If my ex was to turn around tomorrow and want to get back together my answer would be no.

 

So yeah obviously medication is not the answer to having your heart broken, it's not something I've ever done before after a break up and hopefully not something I'll need to do in the future once I've worked on my own issues.

 

But for me I spent a lot of time on these forums wondering how people had the strength to go out with friends or goto the gym and it made me feel like I was some how causing the pain and misery to myself by not being able to do these things. It took talking to my dr to realise that what I was feeling was in fact a severe depression not just ordinary sadness, I couldn't distract myself from the pain it was 24/7 the only relief I felt was when I was asleep.

[figureitout23]

Awesome, idonknow, yes it deffinetely sounds like your depression was already there and just further triggered by the breakup. I'm SO glad you reached out for help. it sounds like you are well on your journey to a happy and healthy life. Please keep us updated!

[EstuaryKid]

So glad you're feeling better. EK