How to end a friendship

[Leumas369]

Hello, this is my story.

 

I met a woman whilst taking salsa dancing lessons at first glance I knew that I liked her and was interested in getting to know her better. I invited her to the social dancing event and we talked and hit it off very well, we continued to hang out and I introduced her to my friends. All was going well.

 

I invited her out to have a drink with me and she said that she was only interested in something platonic. To me this was fine I appreciated that she was clear in her intentions and I can always use more friends. However at the drinks she was being particularly flirty with me and saying things to me that made me feel like she viewed me as someone special. I reminded myself that this was friends only and she was probably just being nice to me.

 

Fast forward a week or two and I invited her to a dinner and again she was being incredibly flirtatious at this point I was beginning to question what was going on (perhaps she is actually interested in something more) on the drive home she took my phone and insisted on playing love songs and pointed out that the stars were beautiful. At this point I was convinced that she wanted something more, so I put myself out there and tried to kiss her when I dropped her home, her reaction was one of anger and exclaimed to me that she was very clear about what she wanted. I felt very ashamed of myself at this point and thought I was a total idiot for attempting to demonstrate that I had feelings for her and her reaction to the whole situation was quite painful.

 

After some consideration I decided for myself that I had every right to feel the way I did and the fact that she was sending me mixed signals like that was quite unfair so I told her that I didn't think it would be a good idea to be friends anymore, she replied with a case that implied that I was only viewing her a sexual object and that if its all or nothing that is totally unfair and that I was being a bit of a about the whole thing. When in reality I was simply looking out for my own well being.

 

Anyway I caved in and agreed to continue the friendship and as I had expected it does not work in my favor, everything that we do is completely on her terms and anytime I bring up the fact that the relationship feels one sided she attacks me and makes me feel like I am the sole creator of the problems. The most recent incident, she was upset that I had missed a social event with her so I organised something to do together that would make up for it. I was quite looking forward to it as I felt that this might be a time where we actually make some progress together but one hour before we are supposed to meet up (after waiting four days) she cancels on me to hang out with someone else.

 

At this point I feel so drained and disrespected but I also feel trapped in this relationship seeing as we have dance classes together. So my questions to you are:

 

Have I been acting irrationally?

How do I get out of this whilst maintaining a level of peace?

 

Thanks for any help!!

[Wiseman2]

She's a head case who thinks stringing guys along for free drinks and dinners is fun. Just avoid her and be cordial and as friendly as to any other person in the class. Do not stay in touch or hang out outside of class. Don't be her friend. She's crazy.

[LightWave93]

I'd argue the point that there's nothing to end, as there's certainly not a friendship involved here. She may or may not be a decent person in general, but her attitude towards you has been inappropriate and disrespectful, behavior of which is an unhealthy basis to form any meaningful connection between the both of you.

 

Judging by what you've wrote, either she has poor social intelligence and doesn't understand that her actions can easily be misinterpreted, or she's playing you for a fool. Considering she also cancelled plans with you to hang with someone out AFTER she made a big deal of you missing a social event and then offering to arrange something else, it's possible she likes drama or is just immature.

 

As Wiseman2 said; avoid her when you can, but be civil when you can't. If you need to, finish things off by telling her that you had been interested in forming a good friendship with her, but the mixed signals coupled with not treating you with respectful has put you off the idea.

[DancingFool]

Don't treat this friendship like it's a relationship, because it isn't. The woman is a manipulative headcase, so probably best that you just be civil with her in class and distance yourself from her otherwise.

 

There is nothing to end or break up here. You simply distance yourself - no calling, no hanging out with her, no contact outside of class and if she asks, then you give the standard response of busy busy busy, gosh life is just too hectic lately and for the foreseeable future and fade out.

[MissCanuck]

OP, you interestingly refer to this as a "relationship" a couple times, and talk of making progress, which tells me you still want to be more than friends. It's not a relationship; heck, it's barely even a friendship.

 

Stop hanging out with her. You want different things and she seems quite happy to lap up your time and attention but flake out on you when she makes plans.

 

Be civil when you see her in your dance class, but don't keep hanging out. As another poster suggested, just keep putting distance there and don't accept any more invitations from her. There's no point.

[abitbroken]

After some consideration I decided for myself that I had every right to feel the way I did and the fact that she was sending me mixed signals like that was quite unfair so I told her that I didn't think it would be a good idea to be friends anymore, she replied with a case that implied that I was only viewing her a sexual object and that if its all or nothing that is totally unfair and that I was being a bit of a about the whole thing. When in reality I was simply looking out for my own well being.

 

you let her manipulate you big time into keeping in touch.

 

I would say "i am looking for a girlfriend". "I understand if you are just looking for friendship, but if you just want to be friends, you don't confuse a guy by flirting with him and playing love songs. So if you want to be friends with a guy, you act like a friend." And I agree - do not go out with her again one on one. Its not worth it. And I would stop being alone with her, lest she throw herself at you and then say "i never told you i wanted that" and she cries assault.