Boyfriend lied about going back to his ex

[LightWave93]

Hello,

I’m totally new to this so forgive me if I’m rubbish. But I’m struggling with a break up and driving my friends nuts so could really use some strangers perspectives.

So I was with my boyfriend 9 months in total. A month in to our relationship he told me that he’d been dating a girl for just 2 months and she was now pregnant. He said she’d tricked him and said that she couldn’t have kids and that she broke up with him to go back to her ex boyfriend. He’d tried making contact but heard nothing. I told him that I’d stick around because I really liked him, as long as he told me everything.

Baby was born a few months later and he heard from his ex. He didn’t want to be involved but I really pushed him to and hated the thought he could walk out on his daughter.

So things were good. We had 6 awesome months, he was visiting his daughter 2-3 times a week and he would always call/text before and after every visit.

Then he started pulling away, I just sensed something was wrong. He put it down to money and moving house etc...but he stopped calling me after visits, and visiting his daughter (and ex by proxy) without telling me. I tried telling him I was uncomfortable with this behaviour but it didn’t really change.

He then broke up with me BY LETTER!!! It basically said that he loved me, he was too thinly spread out and had issues he had to sort out by himself, stress and money sort of things. I was totally civil to him, even though he left without a goodbye.

It’s been one month and I’ve now found out that he and his ex are back together, despite him telling me there was no chance and making me feel paranoid about it. He used to say things like “why would you think I’d go anywhere? I’m not going anywhere.”

So there we have it. I’m now at a bit of a loss what to think. He was with his ex a total of 2.5 months and has now left me and is playing happy families with her. Just to note, he also has other children!

Thanks ever so much, sorry for the long post!!

 

Ultimately it doesn't really matter. The facts are that he broke up with you, and has decided to try again with the mother of his child.

 

It's very likely truth that he broke up with you because of stress, money, moving house etc. The pressure may have got to him and he decided to go solo for awhile, but then he had a change of heart.

 

A lot of people say things during a relationship, and then totally go against that once that relationship had ended. At the time it may have been truthful, but maybe things have changed. Maybe the mother has changed so he's willing to give it another shot? Maybe they've both decided to build a strong foundation so that their daughter is raised up in a stable environment.

 

If you truly care for this man and his daughter, then the best thing you can do (and only thing you should consider) is to steer clear of him. Focus on yourself so that you are open to dating a man who is emotionally available to you, and preferably one who isn't tied down by a child in a previous relationship.

 

Good luck! :)

[Tizzy]

I had been questioning their relationship the last few months and suspected something was happening. Things like he stopped calling me on nights he went round so I never knew if he actually left or not.

He normally saw his daughter Monday and Wednesday evenings and came to mine Tuesday and Thursday. Then for 6 weeks in a row this stopped. He would just say that his ex cancelled and he was now going on Tuesday. I never complained. This hit a head though when we had planned after his move to spend quality time together one weekend. He was supposed to see daughter on Saturday daytime, when I got to his he told me that she cancelled again and he was going Sunday morning, even though we had plans! I asked if he told her he had plans and could he come later on the Sunday and he didn’t. I’m not even sure if she knew about me now.

I’m just finding it hard to deal with how he betrayed my trust over something he KNEW was an insecurity for me, and can’t even acknowledge or apologise for the hurt.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Be glad you are out of their crazy lives and this triangle.

[figureitout23]

I had been questioning their relationship the last few months and suspected something was happening. Things like he stopped calling me on nights he went round so I never knew if he actually left or not.

He normally saw his daughter Monday and Wednesday evenings and came to mine Tuesday and Thursday. Then for 6 weeks in a row this stopped. He would just say that his ex cancelled and he was now going on Tuesday. I never complained. This hit a head though when we had planned after his move to spend quality time together one weekend. He was supposed to see daughter on Saturday daytime, when I got to his he told me that she cancelled again and he was going Sunday morning, even though we had plans! I asked if he told her he had plans and could he come later on the Sunday and he didn’t. I’m not even sure if she knew about me now.

I’m just finding it hard to deal with how he betrayed my trust over something he KNEW was an insecurity for me, and can’t even acknowledge or apologise for the hurt.

 

Ummmm, you should have questioned things the second he told you he had another woman pregnant

 

I realize what im saying is too little too late, but taking ownership will help you in the long run. know when to walk away from situations that have a high probability to hurting you.