Why do we get so hung up on our ex'es having sex with new partners?

[DoneWithU]

I've been dumped for a little over two months and I miss the ex greatly but the thing that goes through my head more often than naught is my ex and her new guyfriend doing all those sexual things we used to do together..

 

Why are us humans wired to give a hoot about where a few body parts fit together?

 

It kills me to think about, and I try really hard not to, but I wonder how long they dated before they screwed, was it at her house or his, how often they screw, do they do freakier things than what she and I did, is his junk bigger than mine, does he satisfy her more than I could, are they lying naked together right now holding one another right now while I'm alone in my bed. Also had she already slept with him before coming over to my house a few weeks after the break=up and sleeping with me? Gross!

 

On a scale of 1 = 10 sex with her was only a 6.5, I've been with people who performed much better, were much more flexible, were more attractive but I can't seem to get her out of my head.

 

I realize these are not healthy thoughts, I try to put them out of my head, last night I took a few sleeping pills to try to turn it off and actually slept most of the night but when I awoke the thoughts were back.

 

Anyone have any tricks for reducing jealousy?

[Duzie16]

I've been dumped for a little over two months and I miss the ex greatly but the thing that goes through my head more often than naught is my ex and her new guyfriend doing all those sexual things we used to do together..

 

Why are us humans wired to give a hoot about where a few body parts fit together?

 

It kills me to think about, and I try really hard not to, but I wonder how long they dated before they screwed, was it at her house or his, how often they screw, do they do freakier things than what she and I did, is his junk bigger than mine, does he satisfy her more than I could, are they lying naked together right now holding one another right now while I'm alone in my bed. Also had she already slept with him before coming over to my house a few weeks after the break=up and sleeping with me? Gross!

 

On a scale of 1 = 10 sex with her was only a 6.5, I've been with people who performed much better, were much more flexible, were more attractive but I can't seem to get her out of my head.

 

I realize these are not healthy thoughts, I try to put them out of my head, last night I took a few sleeping pills to try to turn it off and actually slept most of the night but when I awoke the thoughts were back.

 

Anyone have any tricks for reducing jealousy?

 

Because you are still in love with her. In time the thoughts will fade, anytime you think of it distract yourself. Call a friend, do the dishes etc.

[figureitout23]

We're territorial beings.

 

You can reduce jealousy with NC. Complete NC, you can't be jealous if you don't know what she's doing.

 

Unfortunately the cat is already out of the bag with that one. I'm not quite sure what to do when you already know and the breakup is still fresh. I have never expierienced that, I don't think I ever want to, it doesn't sound fun.

 

I'm quite curious why you describe this women so often as someone not up to par and that you almost had to force yourself to love.

 

There was a post going around that i thoght was excellent the poster asked why breakups affect people more than others.

 

Do you think this is about her or your feelings about what you sacrificed for her? Kind of like ' how dare she leave me, I was the one doing her a favor by being with her?'

 

Honest question. Figuring out where that anger is coming from may very well help you understand and work through your breakup more smoothly.

[boltnrun]

You expect her to be back with you within a month. So you feel like you two are still together.

[TurntSloth]

I have to say, it's not the sexual thoughts that bother me. Sure the sex was great and I'd much rather she was doing it with me than anyone else, but when she enters my thoughts and I miss her, it's not the sex that I miss in particular.

 

It's the holding hands when walking through the park and laughing together, the feeling as we'd gaze into each other's eyes across the dinner table as she'd give me that shy smile + play with her hair, and waking up in the morning next to her and wrapping our arms round each other as she'd lie on my chest and cuddle before we got up...

 

The thought of her sharing those moments with someone else kills me every time... sex doesn't come close if you ask me :(

 

As for tips... the only thing I can suggest is to just try and accept the fact that it's going to happen and there's nothing you can do about it. As you can tell from my message I'm definitely still hurting about the whole thing, but the thing is I'm not even sure if I miss her or just miss the intimacy in general any more... either way there's nothing I can do about it right now, she's gone. So I just block her, worry about my own life and try not to think about her activities so much. When I do, I go on a holiday booking website or something like that or try to make some fun plans with friends so I have positive things to look forward to.

 

In time I'm hopeful that I will find that level of intimacy with someone again, but I don't think pining about it helps. Happy to talk whenever, I know it's tough

[TeddyPSmith]

For me the sex was great. I can honestly say that she’s the only woman I felt like I’ve ever made love to. The thought of ten having sex is a little disturbing but what really hurts is the idea that she’s falling in love with him. That I’m a distant memory to her yet I cry and pine over her every day. The plans that’s she’s dreaming up for the two of them. Her son bonding with him. Him taking them fishing like I used to. I walk around the house and I see reminders everywhere.

[CubbyBear]

For me the sex was great. I can honestly say that she’s the only woman I felt like I’ve ever made love to. The thought of ten having sex is a little disturbing but what really hurts is the idea that she’s falling in love with him. That I’m a distant memory to her yet I cry and pine over her every day. The plans that’s she’s dreaming up for the two of them. Her son bonding with him. Him taking them fishing like I used to. I walk around the house and I see reminders everywhere.

 

Those thoughts are not serving you in any way. Where do you see yourself 10 years down the road? Is it still pining over this woman and being in extreme pain? Or do you want to have a beautiful/amazing partner of your own and have a successful career? If it's the latter, then you need to do what you can today to start focusing on the life you want. Your ex is already doing the same (as toxic as her methods atre). You guys simply weren't right for each other and she realized that before you did. The right person for you wouldn't bring out your insecurities like that. If you were in a healthier place in the relationship, you would have broken up up with her first. Have to accept the truth and move on :( These stories that your'e telling yourself are just going to eat you alive.

[TeddyPSmith]

Those thoughts are not serving you in any way. Where do you see yourself 10 years down the road? Is it still pining over this woman and being in extreme pain? Or do you want to have a beautiful/amazing partner of your own and have a successful career? If it's the latter, then you need to do what you can today to start focusing on the life you want. Your ex is already doing the same (as toxic as her methods atre). You guys simply weren't right for each other and she realized that before you did. The right person for you wouldn't bring out your insecurities like that. If you were in a healthier place in the relationship, you would have broken up up with her first. Have to accept the truth and move on :( These stories that your'e telling yourself are just going to eat you alive.

 

I don’t disagree completely but the thoughts are serving a purpose of finalizing the relationship for me. I’ve been forced to accept that it is beyond over with no hope of reconciliation. While it’s incredibly painful, knowing this is actually helping me grieve. It’s freeing me up to eventually be open to new love, rather than holding onto false hope with old love. I hope that makes sense. I mean it may not sound like it makes sense but in a weird way it give me some sense of permanence.

 

But I totally agree that the right person not bringing out insecurities