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DoneWithU

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  1. Both my ex-wife and I had and have the same job and made the same money. Financially my kids have everything they need. Why do I need to pay child support? Because some commissioner in a court house tells me I have to? Again, the ex-wife and I have the same job and make the same money. Some years she's made more than I have. I've got 50/50 custody of my children. Should I not be upset when the mother doesn't follow the 50/50? I'm always there to swap the kids on time and with both kids. I've never been late and never not brought the kids. The mother however only swaps when she feels like it. Feel free to check my facebook account, when I have the kids I do kid related activities with them and we travel to kid friendly places all the time. Not a week goes by when we're not doing science experiments, reading books, riding bikes, fishing, hiking camping, museums, road trips, grandparents, friends, kid restaurants, swimming, etc.... They both get straight A's in school. If a person lies in court and because of those lies the court punishes you, are you guilty of the crime? That's where my PFA came from. From the start I told the ex wife I did not wish to be divorced, I said if we do get divorced lets share the kids 50/50 and split our belongings and avoid spending the kids future on attorneys bills. Does that sound unreasonable? I repeat, all I've wanted from the start was to have my kids 50% of the time and to be left alone. The ex decided to get divorced, not me. We could still be in the big house with the fancy cars and the exotic vacations. Our kids could have had pretty large college funds built up. Yes, I'm going back to court in September. I've documented everything. Hopefully the outcome is positive. I have not tried to steal the kids from her, take them more than 50% of the time or asked her for any assistance in any way. Why is it so difficult for people to believe that the courts are screwed up? Netflix had a great documentary on divorce court last year, I think some of you need to watch it. I used to believe that people in jail were meant to be there, now I wouldn't be surprised if half of them are innocent. This is not the free country we were raised to believe it is.
  2. I don't know what goes on at my ex-wives house. I don't ask and I don't pry. She's no longer part of my life. AS evil as I think she is, my daughters seem to like her. I don't badmouth her to them, but I do prey that she get hit by a freight train every night... Maybe someday they will see all I tried to do to spend time with them and appreciate it, but there's a good chance they won't, their mother is doing a good job of brain washing them. They'd have had a very different upbringing if their mother hadn't broken up the family. We'd still be in the big house, money would not be an issue, we'd go on bigger more expensive vacations and most importantly we'd get to spend every day together. It all really sucks to think about, I wish my life had a rewind button.
  3. I've ran out of money for attorneys and grown tired of filing paperwork. I did it non-stop for the first three years, I don't want it to eat up the next 10 years of my life. It takes days to put together a motion, then I spend weeks stewing about it, practicing presenting it, go over all the facts and figures in my head till I'm blue in the face, show up at the courthouse at the required time, then sit and wait 4 hours for the case to be called while sitting with the scum of the earth, watching the pigs coral the defendants to and from the stand. Listen to the ex lie her head off, watch the judge nod in agreement to everything she says only to vote down or blow off whatever I spent weeks preparing and then send me a bill. No thank you. I'm worn out. I started doing better in court when I fired my attorney and started representing myself, but it's a lot of work both physically and mentally and victory is unlikely. If she want's to take me to court, I have no choice but to attend, but I'm done fighting. I won't be filing any more paperwork.
  4. I'm three years into it and the sad thing is that I'm becoming alright with it. I've become used to not having my children in my life every day. I've become ok with the fact that someone else controls their lives more than 50% of the time. I've gotten used to bending over and taking it every time the court makes a decision that I don't like. I no longer feel like a father, they no longer feel like my kids, I no longer feel like I have a real family. Before the court got involved I was 100% a regular Dad. I was raised in a traditional "Leave it to Beaver Family" My parents are still married. I'm now 47 years old. What other option do I have? Fight it and let it burn me up inside? Let it take every free moment I have to think about it or just accept it and get on with my life? The ex has my daughters on a large number of medications. I fought it for two years, it got me nowhere. The ex literally stole my daughters for a year of the last three years, the court didn't even slap her wrist but would have locked me up. I was given sole medical custody of my daughters and the ex broke it the first week, the courts did nothing. I got locked up for three days in jail (30 if I had not had a friend bail me out) for not paying support because I told her if she wouldn't share the kids, I wouldn't pay support. I'm a college grad, decorated military vet, semi successful business owner (before the divorce). Ex-wife also worked in the same field and made the same money I made. 50/50 custody and I'm still forced to pay her child support which she spends on attorneys instead of food and clothing for my kids. My kids want for nothing. I buy them piles of clothing, we eat well and often at nice restaurants, travel often, hike, camp, fish, museums, they get great grades... Yet somehow I'm a deadbeat dad and always have to look over my shoulder to see what's coming next from the courts. I've seen a handful of therapists, most of whom say I'm a pretty normal guy, I am on an antidepressant and two years ago came down with some stress related heart problems that have cleaned up with a procedure, a lot of meds and a lot of exercise.
  5. It's not something I sit and dwell on every day. It usually bugs me a few days before court and a few days after. And it bugs me when I drive to the visitation center to get my kids at the scheduled time and she doesnt show up with them. Does that really sound like I'm not over my ex or just worried about court and hoping to spend time with my children when it's scheduled? If she's just show up with the kids on time as ordered by the court I'd have almost no reason to think about her. If she's quit trying to modify custody, I wouldn't have to worry about court outcomes, or preparing for court or having to argue with attorneys and judges. Again, does this sound like I'm not over my ex-wife or worried about court and loosing my kids? I know courts are unfair, you can be the perfect parent and if the other side lies and gets away with it, say bye bye to your 50/50 custody. I used to believe the country was more or less fair until I started spending time in the courthouse. It's anything but, and the decisions they make can make HUGE differences in your life.
  6. You don't buy that she stole the townhouse? I never said she stole the townhouse, I said she tried to manipulate me so that she could steal it. Luckily for me I was able to keep it. People getting divorced can't legally take money from the other??? Are you serious? You must be one of those people who believe the courts are in business to do the right thing and only make fair decisions. Let me fill you in.... It's all about the money. It's a multi billion dollar industry. Family court does not follow the constitution. I go to a visitation center only to swap the kids, not to have visitation. I have to show up 15 minutes early, wait for the kids to be dropped off, then wait another 15 to 20 minutes after the ex leaves so that I don't shoot her with an RPG, run her over with a semi truck, or cut off her arm with a machete. How stupid, I know where she lives, if I wanted to hurt her I would have long ago. It's just another opportunity for the state to take money from me. I get to pay for the convenience of having something that should take no more than 2 minutes take nearly three hours every week + 6 gallons of gas. It's been three years. For the most part I've put the ex-wife behind me. I only have to think about her in court and when she doesnt share the kids as our 50/50 custody sates. I do document things but in court the judge usually says he doesn't care or I don't have a witness to back up my statements. Guess what, when you sign up at a visitation center you have to sign a form that says you won't take any of their employees to court. I can ask for a record of the times my ex-wife no showed at the visitation center signed by the manager of the office, but in court the judge will just tell me it's a forgery. I swear the court does not care about anything but me paying child support. The ex-wife can keep the kids as often as she likes and break nearly every item in the custody order without penalty but I call her a bad name or miss a child support payment... off to jail I go... It's been over a year since I told her to quit F'ing harassing me and that's what caused the PFA. You can't swear at your ex-wife even if she's breaking and entering your property. So I don't swear, don't talk, don't text, don't ask the kids what goes on at mom's house.... All I want is my 50% of the 50/50 custody and to be left alone. Unfortunately, I think I'm in for 10 more years of abuse and harassment from the ex-wife, and again, all the courts care about is child support. It's really sad and probably the reason so many guys kill themselves after a divorce where kids are involved and the courts side with the mother. I've considered just giving up. I love my kids but is it worth 10 years of fighting a woman who won't stop? She's like the F'ing Terminator.
  7. I had a terrible divorce 3 years ago. My ex-wife decided the grass was greener and divorced me, tried to steal our two young daughters, took most of the money I had, left me with huge IRS bills, then told me she loved me and wanted to work on our marriage only to try to steal the townhouse that I moved into after our first separation. Since then we've been in and out of court dozens of times. She filed false PFA's (protection from abuse orders) that the court let her pass. We had a shrink spend three days with each of us at our homes and with our kids. The shrink ruled 50/50 custody and said my home was the better of the two with less drama and more educational opportunities. The judge ruled 50/50 custody. We swap kids at a visitation center, this has been going on for just under a year. I have NEVER missed a child swap, I have never only swapped one child. The ex-wife has skipped swaps multiple times, and another dozen times just brings one child or the other. The cops don't care, the visitation center workers don't seem to care. The courts are backed up a year or more. I've not physically talked to the ex-wife in over two years and have not text or emailed in a year due to the PFA. Yesterday (July 4th) was my day to get the kids, I drove 30 minutes to the visitation building, sat there for 40 minutes, one of the workers said "sorry, she no showed, go home. I drove 30 minutes home. My girlfriend , her three young sons and I go to the local fireworks display last night, have a nice time, but driving out of the parking lot I see my ex-wife and my daughters sitting in the BMW I used to drive also stuck in traffic. .... I don't say or do anything but it really hurts that she gets away with things over and over again, while I try to be the better person, follow all the rules, and just get screwed over and over by the courts. This September the Ex is taking me back to court to try to change our 50/50 custody, hiring a lawyer with the money I send each month (child support). Using my own money to fight custody of my children... On top of it, the girlfriend gets mad because dealing with the ex-wife (just seeing her in my old car with my kids at an event I was supposed to be at with them makes me sad and shut down for about half an hour). She gives me an earful about how I'm not yet over my ex-wife. I was primarily upset that he courts, police and visitation center employees don't give a hoot and my kids are being brainwashed to think I'm a bad person. Any help would be greatly appreciated. How to deal with courts, cops and state employees and life not being fair... I realize life is not fair but I really wish Karma would catch up with the ex-wife.
  8. I've found my kids to be much more resilient than myself. I don't know what goes on at my ex-wives house. I quit paying attention a year after the divorce. She was dating and screwing every guy she met. I was single for about 4 months and met the woman I've been with for the last three years. We moved in together and did the best we could to blend the families. We go out as a family at least twice a week, we've been on road trips to Michigan, Florida, PA, NJ, MD, ME, CO... etc together. We've taken our family picture in front of the white house, toured the smithsonian, been to countless zoo's, countless bike, camping, fishing, beach trips, too many restaurants to mention... Movies etc... Our kids have it pretty good. I never wanted to be divorced, I think what we've created is as close to having a real family as possible. We took the last three months off during this break-up, but everything has gone back to being just as good or better than it was before. For now all is well, we go to our second weekly couples therapy meeting tomorrow afternoon and we've had no big blow-ups in the last week and a half that we've been back together.
  9. I spent a lot of time here a few weeks ago going through the pain of a breakup. I had panic attacks, couldn't sleep, couldn't get the bad feelings out of my head. Wasn't suicidal but had a few suicidal thoughts. To cope I worked out, listen to meditation tapes, dove into my work and hobbies and went on a few random dates. I also went on lexapro. My ex girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me about 3 months ago (I probably deserved it) and quickly started dating another guy (she already had him on the sidelines from some dating app). I did all the things you're not supposed to do, texts at all hours of the day, long emails, and found numerous ways to spend time with her. I was in agony for about a month and a half. Time will tell, but I seem to have won her over for now. Last week she broke up with the other guy, invited my daughters and I over for dinner, we ended up spending the night and I haven't left. It's been a week. Three months apart and we're now back together like it never happened. Our combined 5 kids are back together and also playing like they were never apart. We're seeing a couples therapist, going on lots of dinner dates, dancing, hiking, kayaking and the sex has been just as good if not better than it ever was in the past. Our biggest issues in the past was arguing about small stuff and letting it ruin the day so we're trying to put that in check. Again I'm just checking in and hopefully I won't have to visit here in a depressed mood ever again. Any advice on limiting stupid arguments would be greatly appreciated. I know I can be argumentative, have some social anxiety, I'm selfish and somewhat passive aggressive, I tell white lies as a people pleaser to try to keep the peace. These are my flaws that I'm working on. Hopefully we will be an example of a relationship that was salvaged and put back together stronger and better than it was before.
  10. My drinking played a part in ending two relationships. If I've had a few drinks I don't let people tell me what to do, and may even tell them where they can stick it. I too have been passive aggressive, I got tired of being told when I had to go to bed or what I could watch on TV, so I started sleeping on the couch or in the spare room. It didn't matter than the other 80% of our life was pretty good, both of the last ex'es said that I was a jerk.
  11. Great advice, I do have a lot to be thankful for. Good family, a handful of friends, a roof over my head, enough money to pay the basic bills, a few vehicles than run, a cat that pees all over the house, and two young daughters that the courts have allowed me 50/50 custody of. (nice of them to finally allow me 50/50 of my own daughters) Grrrrrr. not happy with family court. Think you own your house and property? Try not paying your taxes. Think your kids are yours? Get divorced and watch the state take over.. America is not the home of the free they taught you about in grade school.
  12. I've been on a number of anti depressant over the last few years and quite honestly I can't tell a difference between being on them or off. I'm currently on Lexipro which does not seem to help with panic attacks at all. I'm still having my share of them. If I knew any dealers I'd try some pot, but I don't, and I don't live in Colorado. I'm about a month and a half into my current breakup and every day is different. Some days are almost unbearable and others are ok. Today was fair. yesterday was alright, the day before I wanted to slit my wrists, we'll see what the rest of the week brings. I started dating a bit two weeks ago and the good news is that I do ok finding people to go out with, the bad news is the quality of the dates is not there. Absolutely no chemistry. My last 4 dates have all been fine to chat with for an hour or two, or have a meal with, but we have so little in common that I have no interest in a second date. My first date with my ex over three years ago was incredible, firecrackers the first night, and we fell in love instantly, till it died a few months ago. The good news is the dating takes the ex off my mind for a few hours, the bad news, as soon as the date is over, I wonder how I will ever find someone as compatible as my ex and I were. I think the dating is actually doing better for me than the Lexipro. At least I know I can still meet women which helps my confidence.
  13. I've been dumped for a little over two months and I miss the ex greatly but the thing that goes through my head more often than naught is my ex and her new guyfriend doing all those sexual things we used to do together.. Why are us humans wired to give a hoot about where a few body parts fit together? It kills me to think about, and I try really hard not to, but I wonder how long they dated before they screwed, was it at her house or his, how often they screw, do they do freakier things than what she and I did, is his junk bigger than mine, does he satisfy her more than I could, are they lying naked together right now holding one another right now while I'm alone in my bed. Also had she already slept with him before coming over to my house a few weeks after the break=up and sleeping with me? Gross! On a scale of 1 = 10 sex with her was only a 6.5, I've been with people who performed much better, were much more flexible, were more attractive but I can't seem to get her out of my head. I realize these are not healthy thoughts, I try to put them out of my head, last night I took a few sleeping pills to try to turn it off and actually slept most of the night but when I awoke the thoughts were back. Anyone have any tricks for reducing jealousy?
  14. My ex-wife put me on the antidepressants - before the doctor wrote me the scripts I did not realize I had a problem... I knew I had some type of social anxiety but it had never been diagnosed. I don't know why. Missing? At times nothing. I'm a guy who one year made enough money to rent a 50 foot sailboat in the BVI and invite (pay for) all his friends to come down for ten days. I had the attractive wife, nice house, BMW, nice vacations. What do I want? I can't even answer that. I've been to some of the most beautiful places on the planet alone, and wished I had someone with me who would truly appreciate it. When I was young I was an adrenaline junky, and approaching 50, I'm finding there are things I can no longer do. There's just so much "Fixing" yourself that's possible. I'm not going to be able to grow my hair back or hide the signs of aging forever. I think I want another family, but I've had two and still felt empty. I don't know. I've seen a few therapists (mostly over my divorce) who were not very helpful. I live in Southern Delaware and we don't have the greatest psychologists. Most of what we have are legal drug dealers who quadruple book their appointments to push more meds. Since my divorce I really let everything fall apart. I blamed a lot of people and organizations but it was probably me to blame. I still have no love for the family court system, I think they do more harm than good.
  15. My ex was 12 years younger than I was, and physically I was stronger, could hike farther, lift more etc, but I did not have the will to work from dusk till dawn like she did. I don't miss her "Honey Do" lists that went on after 6:00 in the evening. After 5pm or 6pm I just want to relax. She swears around children - I don't miss that. She always wants her way and won't listen to reason - I don't miss that. She used to tell me how to drive - 30 years of driving without an accident - Don't miss that. Has some anger issues and a fiery temper - again I don't miss that I do miss her lips, they were great for kissing.... and she would usually apologise for her temper 15 to 20 minute after her blow ups.
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