Ran into ex :(

[ZHPpilot1]

Great attitude to have! Just imagine everything that you're learning right now. Next time around you're going to find someone even better suited (no pun intended) for you! Amen to everything having a beginning and end. We don't belong to anyone and no one belongs to us. We just have to be grateful for people that touched our lives and the memories they gave us.

 

Well, put CB.

 

My ex-girlfriend changed me into a better man and I will always be grateful for that. She taught me a lot of life things as I did her as well. Someone told me that people come and go and sometimes they come to make you better, she did that. Of course, I wanted to make her my wife but it didn't work out that way.

[katrina1980]

 

We don't belong to anyone and no one belongs to us.

 

OMG CubbyB, you know who said that?

 

Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffanys, have you seen it?

 

Said to Paul, the man who was in love with her and who had just asked her to marry him.

 

"I'm not Holly, I'm not Lula Mae either. I don't know who I am. I'm like cat here, a couple of no-name slobs. We belong to nobody and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to each other."

 

One of my favorite flicks!

[CubbyBear]

Yep, she played her part in your life. You may reconnect some day and you may not. Doesn't matter. What matters is you focusing on the life you want to create for yourself. Learn photography, read about philosophy, go to Tibet for 10 days and live with monks...whatever it is you want to do, do it And once you're out there doing your thing, you will automatically attract the right person. The bars, alcohol, the dating apps...that's all just useless noise. You'll be surprised who will meet when you're not looking.

[CubbyBear]

OMG CubbyB, you know who said that?

 

Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffanys, have you seen it?

 

Said to Paul, the man who was in love with her and who had just asked her to marry him.

 

"I'm not Holly, I'm not Lula Mae either. I don't know who I am. I'm like cat here, a couple of no-name slobs. We belong to nobody and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to each other."

 

One of my favorite flicks!

 

OMG you kidding me?! I ripped off a movie I've never seen before?! Haha, that's classic me. I'll have to watch it now :)

[katrina1980]

OMG you kidding me?! I ripped off a movie I've never seen before?! Haha, that's classic me. I'll have to watch it now :)

 

Yeah the movie is a classic! 1961 with a very young Audrey Hepburn!

 

Not sure if you'll like it, it's kind of a "chick" flick, you may like it though.

 

Won two Academy Awards.

[CubbyBear]

Yeah the movie is a classic! 1961 with a very young Audrey Hepburn!

 

Not sure if you'll like it, it's kind of a "chick" flick, you may like it though.

 

Won two Academy Awards.

 

Well, most nights I'm eating ice cream pining over my ex. I lost my man card a long time ago. May as well give it a shot.

[ZHPpilot1]

Yep, she played her part in your life. You may reconnect some day and you may not. Doesn't matter. What matters is you focusing on the life you want to create for yourself. Learn photography, read about philosophy, go to Tibet for 10 days and live with monks...whatever it is you want to do, do it And once you're out there doing your thing, you will automatically attract the right person. The bars, alcohol, the dating apps...that's all just useless noise. You'll be surprised who will meet when you're not looking.

 

Good ideas.

 

Yeah she something about our paths crossing due to destiny and the future. I'm all open for that if it happens but I'm moving on to better myself and preparing for the next one.

 

If it's met to be then the universe will make it happen somehow.

[katrina1980]

Good ideas.

 

Yeah she something about our paths crossing due to destiny and the future. I'm all open for that if it happens but I'm moving on to better myself and preparing for the next one.

 

I agree with this, perhaps not a future with that person (in this case, you), but destiny and a future with the person we are meant to be with.

 

May sound hokey to some, but I truly believe people enter our lives for a very specific reason, they each have a purpose, and if we're open to it, we learn something unique from each and every one of them.

 

And in turn, they will learn from us.

 

Best of luck moving forward ZH!

[Hopeful7]

I saw the ex-last night with her new man. Of course, it felt weird since he's like the exact opposite from me(overweight, horrible dresser). However, something hit me like this vibe from her body language that something is off. I used to be in sales and I know body language, something tells me she's not truly happy(rebound?). Now I'm not saying she misses me or anything like that but it seems like her demeanor changed. She used to dress really nice, wear makeup and hit the gym, ever since our split she sort of let herself go. Also, her brother told me she had a break down after her birthday (which was around the time we broke up) and has receded from family functions lately. Today marks the 2nd month of our split so of course, I'm still not over her (3 yr LTR) but I have to admit that it hasn't been easy to move on. I'm 39 and this is my 3rd heartbreak and it's been the toughest one yet. I thought they would get easier by now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For those who want the full story:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=550396

 

 

Ok I am not trying give u false hope or anything. But I was like this the first month of the breakup. I usually go to gym . Like dress up to work etc . Than after breakup for 2 months I didn't dress up or go gym . I was depressed because of the breakup .

 

To be honest from a girl's point of view if I had new guy that I was truly interested in I would try to be looking my best if I cared about him or liked him. Idk about her .

[ZHPpilot1]

Ok I am not trying give u false hope or anything. But I was like this the first month of the breakup. I usually go to gym . Like dress up to work etc . Than after breakup for 2 months I didn't dress up or go gym . I was depressed because of the breakup .

 

To be honest from a girl's point of view if I had new guy that I was truly interested in I would try to be looking my best if I cared about him or liked him. Idk about her .

 

Well your user name is "Hopeful7", but I understand you what mean. I agree with your comment as well.

 

Thanks.

[ZHPpilot1]

Maybe she found her comfort zone now because maybe she thought keeping herself up was tiring with the OP.

 

I doubt it, we were very comfortable with each other. I just think she maybe recovering as well from our relationship. The same day I saw her with him she sent me a message saying, "Hi, how are you?". I know it doesn't mean much but it safe to assume I'm still on her mind from time to time. I reply, "Good, and yourself?" to which she never replied since.

[CubbyBear]

Man, I can't tell if I'm lucky or unlucky. All these ex's reaching out letting the dumpee know they still care/thinking about them. My ex hasn't talked to me since the 'stuff exchange.' It's like she never cared at all. But I also see how people run into their ex's and get breadcrumbs and all that....I can imagine how hard that is.

[boltnrun]

I say lucky.

 

My ex used to contact me every time he and the young girl he dumped me for fought. I'd get all excited, thinking "See! He REALIZES I'm the right one for him!!!" And then he'd disappear again. I called him a couple of times and he told me to stop calling because it made her mad. So apparently she had priority despite my reconciliation fantasies.

 

I only started to feel better when I completely broke away from him. No contact, no texts or calls, no late night or early morning drive-bys, no "accidentally" sending him blank texts, no hanging out with his family and friends eager to hear that he and the girlfriend were fighting...none of that.

 

I feel fantastic today. I don't want anything to do with the guy because distance and time and zero communication made me understand that he is NOT the awesome guy I insisted he was. Far from it.

 

Silence, distance and time. They are your friends.

 

Oh, and those exes "reaching out"? Most of the time they do it when THEY want something. It's not that they still love or care or want to reconcile. They are feeling lonely or sorry for themselves or they're drunk and wanting a booty call or the person they got with after the dumping rejected them. They disappear as soon as they no longer need or want something. And THAT is not nice.

[CubbyBear]

I say lucky.

 

My ex used to contact me every time he and the young girl he dumped me for fought. I'd get all excited, thinking "See! He REALIZES I'm the right one for him!!!" And then he'd disappear again. I called him a couple of times and he told me to stop calling because it made her mad. So apparently she had priority despite my reconciliation fantasies.

 

I only started to feel better when I completely broke away from him. No contact, no texts or calls, no late night or early morning drive-bys, no "accidentally" sending him blank texts, no hanging out with his family and friends eager to hear that he and the girlfriend were fighting...none of that.

 

I feel fantastic today. I don't want anything to do with the guy because distance and time and zero communication made me understand that he is NOT the awesome guy I insisted he was. Far from it.

 

Silence, distance and time. They are your friends.

 

Oh, and those exes "reaching out"? Most of the time they do it when THEY want something. It's not that they still love or care or want to reconcile. They are feeling lonely or sorry for themselves or they're drunk and wanting a booty call or the person they got with after the dumping rejected them. They disappear as soon as they no longer need or want something. And THAT is not nice.

 

Fair points. I guess I'll consider myself lucky but left never understanding why she acted the way she did. Still devastating. But Silence, distance, and time... :)

 

Glad you're feeling good!!!! You serve as a reminder that there is a bright light at the end of that dark tunnel. Hope you have an amazing weekend!

[boltnrun]

Fair points. I guess I'll consider myself lucky but left never understanding why she acted the way she did. Still devastating. But Silence, distance, and time... :)

 

Glad you're feeling good!!!! You serve as a reminder that there is a bright light at the end of that dark tunnel. Hope you have an amazing weekend!

 

Thank you!

 

Right now you probably can't imagine you'll ever feel indifferent about your ex. But I promise...silence, distance and time will help you tremendously.

 

And...remember to be nice to yourself. Enough people will give you a hard time in life. No need to do that to yourself.

[ZHPpilot1]

Ughhhh, I hate when people do that! Ignore her if you can . That was just a test to see if you'd reply. Mind f***

 

Yeah next time I'll just ignore her.

 

I did send her a drunk text the other night, I know I know I messed up, fell off the wagon.

 

I sent her this:

 

'I told her that I saw her and she deserves a man who dress like a real man, and to let me know when she wants a real man again'

 

 

I know I screwed up, but seeing her with another guy that hurt like a crazy, felt like a dagger through my heart. I tried to weather it but it broke me down. I went outside and started beating a tree with a baseball bat until my hand started bleeding. I thought i was almost out of the woods yet but I'm still trying to find the light.

 

God why is this so hard??

[katrina1980]

ZH and Cubby, and anyone else suffering from a breakup or another type of loss, PLEASE hang in, it does get better I promise!!

 

Whatever it takes, but try very hard to NOT drink as that triggers all sorts of crazy feelings and reactions.

 

In fact it's being reported that a famous chef and tv personality Anthony Bourdain (Parts Unknown) who just committed suicide (I created a thread about it in the grieving section) had either just been dumped or discovered his gf was cheating.

 

I do understand the feeling as I've been there myself a couple of times, but again PLEASE try and stay strong!!!

 

Peace, love and hugs,

Kat

[ZHPpilot1]

ZH and Cubby, and anyone else suffering from a breakup or another type of loss, PLEASE hang in, it does get better I promise!!

 

Whatever it takes, but try very hard to NOT drink as that triggers all sorts of crazy feelings and reactions.

 

In fact it's being reported that a famous chef and tv personality Anthony Bourdain (Parts Unknown) who just committed suicide (I created a thread about it in the grieving section) had either just been dumped or discovered his gf was cheating.

 

I do understand the feeling as I've been there myself a couple of times, but again PLEASE try and stay strong!!!

 

Peace, love and hugs,

Kat

 

I'm trying but some days it just overpowers me. I know the bottle isn't the answer but it provides a very short time of relief and good mood. I've been cutting back lately so I'm making improvements slowly, but I just miss her so much.

[katrina1980]

I'm trying but some days it just overpowers me. I know the bottle isn't the answer but it provides a very short time of relief and good mood. I've been cutting back lately so I'm making improvements slowly, but I just miss her so much.

 

I know you do and I'm so sincerely sorry (more hugs), as I said been there myself so definitely NOT judging.

 

Literally sobbing (deep sobs, the ones where you can't catch your breath) every single night for a few months! Thought about suicide at times too, all of it.

 

But seriously while alcohol may give you very short reprieve, it's actually a depressant and you will eventually crash. Embarrass yourself like you just did by either leaving that message (which not only was a great embarrassment for you (sorry for saying that) but gave HER all the power making you feel worse) or something worse and more permanent in a moment of desperation (like Anthony Bourdain).

 

Time does heal, I am living proof!! I experienced a very VERY bad and painful breakup (engagement), the deaths of both my mom and dad (virtually back to back) all within less than a two year period.

 

Just a thought, but helping others is a GREAT way to help yourself. Others less fortunate than you. It builds self-esteem too and it's a great way to get you out of focusing on "yourself" and your own pain and sorrow and do good for others suffering worse.

 

I've volunteered and it helped me a lot! Met lots of great people too (other volunteers). I am thinking of doing it again, so is my boyfriend - helping out in a soup kitchen or something.

 

Again, just a thought; I dunno after reading about AB's death, it breaks my heart to think that people like him, you and Cubby and others, and are in soooo much pain like that.

 

Please feel better and take care.

[ZHPpilot1]

Thanks for the kind words and advice Katrina. I haven’t had any thoughts of hurting myself but hitting that tree did make me feel a lot better. Yes I agree that message was stupid and makes me look insecure. I will keep working on myself and cut back on the alcohol. I will spend this weekend with friends and family so I expect to feel better.

[ZHPpilot1]

So it's been a couple weeks since this run in and I thought I give everyone here an update. I've been doing a bit better, however, some days I just lose it and start reminiscing about her and start drinking and mingling with women(Not the hard stuff just light beer, got to keep the weight off). She has started messaging me via Instagram for over 2 weeks now, I assume so he doesn't find out. She asks how I'm doing, how's school and how is work and stuff like that. When I told her I finally found a job she replied, "I'm so proud of you", and followed it with 3 hearts. Now, of course, I'm trying not to get all excited so I asked her to meet for drinks into which she agreed. Later on, she canceled in which I expected since the new guy comes to town during the weekend only. She asked me out for lunch but I said the new job is too far from hers and left it at that. I did find out that she is getting back to her normal self (looking good, going out again) however I've been told she only does it when she's not with him. In a way, I'm happy she's returning to her normal self again which I guess means she's over our separation. Her brother told me that she tried to introduce the new guy to him and another sibling in which the reception was cold and everyone thought he was kind of "weird". Everyone tells me that she's using this guy as a rebound or placeholder until I get my stuff together. I want to think that but I cannot rely on that theory alone. I think once the newness wears off she's going to realize what she had was better, especially now that I'm slimmer and mentally sharper than before. I read a couple of self-improvement books and I see things way different now, with a sense of urgency which lacked before. She also keeps texting my mother but doesn't reply when my mom asks her to meet up, they were very very close. It's getting better but some days are still rough, I still miss this girl like crazy.