how much sex in a relationship is normal?

[dejavu321]

I just found this site and enjoyed what I saw, thereforeeee, I thought I would pose a question that needs to be answered. My fiancee' and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. The longest relationship I had ever been in before her, was only 6 months. MY question is related to our sex life. We have sex about 1 time every 1 to 2 weeks. To me, this does not feel like we are having enough sex ( I still want to make love to her everday like we use to). But she says that every couple reaches this point that we're at where they will only make love 1 to 2 times a week. Since I was never in anything longer than 6 months, I do not know if this is true, or if she just has a weak sex drive, or even worse, she is having sex with another...but my point is, can anyone tell me if it is normal for long term couples to only have sex 1 every 1 to 2 weeks?

[DN]

Not after just two and a half years and not before marriage.

 

This may get worse after you get married - bu very sure what you are getting into.

[Cecelius]

Shockingly, I think the responses are going to be that it depends on the people, their needs, etc., etc., etc.

 

The only thing that is certain is that it will slow down even further after you get married, and that marrying the first girl you ever had an LTR with is an aggresive move.

 

That said, all couples probably do ebb and flow, and sex in a relationship can become routine [insert generic info about spicing things up]. But it is always a highly familiar and comfortable thing to come back to. Just grab the reigns when you're in the mood (and keep in mind that society dictates that boys have the obligation of keeping the sex alive) and do it up right when the spirit moves you.

 

Lastly, .5 times a week is too little for your age group.

[greenowl88]

The question: What is normal? Well, I don't know if there really is a "normal" amount of sex that couples have, but I have read in many places that when you're together for a long time, such as a couple years, you don't really have sex as often, but I don't think that should be an excuse. A lot of times a woman's sex drive is not as high as a man, but every woman and relationship is different.

Just because she doesn't want to have sex as often doesn't necessarilly mean that she is cheating. I don't think she is based on what you said.

 

All you can do is talk to her about it.

 

Good luck!!

[someguy69]

I think the average is three times per week for long term relationships.

 

If you go more than two weeks, I'd start to worry.

[shes2smart]

Depends on the couple.

 

I've known my husband for 3 and a half years, been married for nearly 3 years of that time. We've always been pretty, uh, active...(3 or more times per week), save for the few months I hit the wall with an episode of severe depression. The meds I was on killed my sex drive. It wasn't until I was off of them for a while that it finally came back. Once it did, we've gone back to 3+ times a week on average.

 

When I was being treated for depression, even though I had no drive, we still had sex with some frequency because HE still had a drive. That was fine with me. Guys are wired differently, and it's not going to kill me to have sex with my husband if it just comes down to "I'm not in the mood." Now, if I have a cold or am completely wiped out, that's a different story. But he's considerate enough that he wouldn't push the issue if I was sick or really tired, anyway.

 

It could be your gf just has a low sex drive, or you might not be doing things that are particular turn-ons for her. Have you ever talked to her about her fantasies or what, specifically, she likes? Frankly, I've always believed if you can't openly & honestly discuss sex with someone you shouldn't be sleeping with them anyway. If you're gonna do it with them, you should be able to talk about it with them.

 

If it turns out your sex drives are severely mis-matched, you might need to re-evaluate the relationship. While sex isn't the only thing in a relationship, it is a major thing. After all, it is one of the main things that separates a marriage (or romantic relationship) from all other relationships. Long term, if you sexual needs are not getting met, you may eventually be tempted to jump the fence...particularly if it becomes a point of contention in the relationship. Why put yourself in a situation where you are more likely to be tempted because you're not getting your needs met at home? Why do that to your partner?

[Day_Walker]

If you arent getting enough sex now and you are still engaged dont think that its going to change or get any better after you are married. Marriage doesnt solve any problems but it can magnify existing problems and make them worse. I would suggest that you need to consider not continuing the relationship if you are already concerned abou tthe amount of sex you are getting unless you want to be a sexually frustrated and be married.

[sweet_bebcho]

I don't know what to tell you but that sounds serious. My bf and I do it atleast once a day (rabbits) He cant help himself and neither can I ,lol. We've been together a year now and things are still hot 'n' heavy. Maybe you guys should try to rekindle what you guys had in the beginning. I dont know, maybe it might help.

[RayKay]

Well that will really vary from couple to couple....but I can tell you my longterm relationships have always had more sex then that, that is for sure!

 

5 year one was still 3-ish times a week (not living together)

2 year was still 3-ish times a week (not living together)

 

And now...live in boyfriend I would say 5 times a week or more.

 

1 time every 1 to 2 ( ) weeks seems well, very below average...it might be HER experience but I mean you are not even married yet, and not saying that sex dies after that, but it won't IMPROVE over what it is now!

 

I think she may have a low sex drive...do you try and initiate more often? What is her reaction? I mean there are times I am not always TOTALLY into it at first, due to stress or hormones (and the pill affects that) but once I get started, man I am hot for it. And there are many times I initiate as well.

 

Sex is important to a relationship for more than just the act - it is also about intimacy, its a glue that bonds you together....in fact my partner has commented that in his head, when we are having sex more he feels even better about us - why, because it gets those endorphins going and bonds us to our partner.

 

This is an issue that if it bothers you, you need to talk about together, or it can cause a sore spot in marriages (you will find other threads here about lack of sex after marriage with one partner up in arms about it).

 

She needs to open up about the real reasons why, and not "because that is what happens" and you need to both go to counselling (pre-marital counselling is advisable anyway I think if you are planning on marriage), or a doctor depending on the reasons. You are both in this relationship together and need to think of one another, so don't let her dismiss your needs either.

[dejavu321]

Thanks for the advice...to answer some of the questions, I do initiate at least on a daily basis and 19 times out of 20, it is shot down...don't get me wrong, she is still very affectionate, like when we are laying in bed, she will want to cuddle, and she still grabs my hand to hold it...but sometimes that cuddling or hand holding will turn me on, and I'll want to have sex, but she won't...it is very confusing...

[RayKay]

Thanks for the advice...to answer some of the questions, I do initiate at least on a daily basis and 19 times out of 20, it is shot down...don't get me wrong, she is still very affectionate, like when we are laying in bed, she will want to cuddle, and she still grabs my hand to hold it...but sometimes that cuddling or hand holding will turn me on, and I'll want to have sex, but she won't...it is very confusing...

 

Well then this is an issue, and you need to talk to her about it - it will NOT get better, and may even get worse. Just as you need to strive to meet her needs, she needs to do the same. It is NOT normal to only have sex once every couple weeks, ESPECIALLY not when you are so young and just engaged! She should want to share that intimacy with you, and to pleasure one another...

 

Talk to her, and find out what her response is before you take a plan of action....maybe she will be willing to go to doctor or counselling, but if not you may need to think of how important this is to you, and whether you can live like this forever or not.

[Cecelius]

I would also seriously consider putting the wedding on hold (if its scheduled) because she's going to get distracted with it, and you do not want the fact that the wedding itself is such a big event to get in the way of fixing this (meaning, you need to leave yourself an out).