Companionship?

[crankshaft]

So, my ex wife and I recently shared feelings that we still have for each other. Her heart knows it wants to be with me and I know without a doubt I want to be with her. She is coming out of a very bad marriage where she was cheated on a lot. Her and I did our fair share of things to eachother while we were married, cheated and stuff. We were really young when we married eachother. She says that what she feels like she would be able to offer me is companionship. What does that mean?

[thornz]

It means no sex.

[thornz]

You really ought to ask her what her definition of companionship is but freshly out of a bad marriage means she needs to be single and work though stuff before getting involved with you or anyone else. Don’t allow yourself to be a comfort blanket until she feels ready to move on to a relationship with someone new.

[DanZee]

She's looking for a relationship on training wheels. A rebound relationship. Something she's familiar with. She's still feeling burnt over her divorce. Her feelings are probably still on hold. She can go through the motions with you for a while and if you show some emotions for her, she might show some back and stick with you. Otherwise, when she's healed up, she may decide she needs some "me" time and take off. It's up to you if you want to befriend her for a while.

[crankshaft]

Well, truth is I do love her with all of my heart. I am concerned that I may just be setting myself up to get crushed, but I will never know if I do not get the chance. She says she enjoys us being together, doing stuff with our kids, talking, sleeping together in bed, etc, but that the hurt she has endured from her marriage with this guy and me makes her feel like she could only offer me companionship. She hints at wanting to cohabitate together long term. It is just confusing to me. For me, if you enjoy and want all of those things, then I feel like you do want a relationship. I am not saying we should get married again, (I feel like that would just be a formality at this point) but sleeping together, snuggling, all of that stuff for me takes emotions, romantic type feelings. I feel like I know she had those feelings, but maybe she is just too hurt by what had happened to her for her to let her guard down again.

[crankshaft]

She's looking for a relationship on training wheels. A rebound relationship. Something she's familiar with. She's still feeling burnt over her divorce. Her feelings are probably still on hold. She can go through the motions with you for a while and if you show some emotions for her, she might show some back and stick with you. Otherwise, when she's healed up, she may decide she needs some "me" time and take off. It's up to you if you want to befriend her for a while.

I replied below instead of clicking reply.

[Wiseman2]

She wants support while she goes through this divorce. All you can do is encourage her to discuss this with her attorney and get herself a therapist to help her navigate through it emotionally. It's possible she could go back. It's possible she's revenge-cheating with you. Don't be the transition guy, shoulder to cry on or warm body. Guard your heart and mind because she's confused and will be for quite some time.

She is coming out of a very bad marriage.She says that what she feels like she would be able to offer me is companionship.

[Unreasonable]

Be nice to her in passing, that's it. She's an ex for a reason. She's also a rebound. Don't do it.

[reinventmyself]

companionship = friendship.

Unless you are prepared to be her buddy, don't do it.

By the description of everything you would very likely be her security blanket while she nurses her broken heart.

Believe you deserve better than that and if it's all she has to offer I think subjecting yourself to it will not be unhealthy for you.

It will benefit her. .and you, not so much.

[Minikimini]

So, my ex wife and I recently shared feelings that we still have for each other. Her heart knows it wants to be with me and I know without a doubt I want to be with her. She is coming out of a very bad marriage where she was cheated on a lot. Her and I did our fair share of things to eachother while we were married, cheated and stuff. We were really young when we married eachother. She says that what she feels like she would be able to offer me is companionship. What does that mean?

 

It means she wants you as a benchwarmer while she gets over the recent ex and begins looking for someone else.

 

You're just familiar and she doesn't want to be alone now that she's got 2 failed marriages under her belt.

 

I'd keep my distance from her right now---she's not in a position to be of any good to anyone when she's fresh off a failed marriage and divorce. She has a mess to clean up and needs to do that on her own.

 

This is about not wanting to be alone right now--and you are the most familiar at the moment.

[Minikimini]

Well, truth is I do love her with all of my heart. I am concerned that I may just be setting myself up to get crushed, but I will never know if I do not get the chance.

 

You are being set up to get crushed. She's not in a position to return the feelings you have for her. At best, you're a rebound "I don't want to be alone and you'll do" cog in a wheel. If there was another guy she knew better, she'd be chatting him up to warm the bench.

 

She says she enjoys us being together, doing stuff with our kids, talking, sleeping together in bed, etc, but that the hurt she has endured from her marriage with this guy and me makes her feel like she could only offer me companionship. She hints at wanting to cohabitate together long term. It is just confusing to me.

 

There is nothing confusing about this. It's like that old Mac Davis song "baby baby don't get hooked on me..." She knows that all she has to do is crook her finger and you'll come a-runnin'..., and that's why she's only wanting a sexless cuddle-buddy.

 

For me, if you enjoy and want all of those things, then I feel like you do want a relationship. I am not saying we should get married again, (I feel like that would just be a formality at this point) but sleeping together, snuggling, all of that stuff for me takes emotions, romantic type feelings.

 

If she wouldn't do this with her girlfriends, then she shouldn't be doing it with you, if all you're going to be is her friend. Don't let her turn you into her male girlfriend.

 

I know she had those feelings, but maybe she is just too hurt by what had happened to her for her to let her guard down again.

 

Nevertheless, don't let her current frame of mind manipulate you into something you know you don't want with her, unless you're good with her marking time with you, not having sex with you or entering into a full on romantic relationship while she casts her eye for her new husband.