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Seen but no reply


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Sometimes the ignored thing is totally innocuous, sometimes it’s time sensitive and logistics related and the reply looks like a simple yes no but still ‘friends’ will seen it and not reply. So they’re probably busy right? Or the answer is less straight forward than I thought, so I be patient, and I message someone else, and they do the same thing, and the day grows toa close and there’s half a dozen messages sent, some marked as read, some not, none of them replied to but by now I feel like a pariah, like all these people I called friend were just tolerating me.


So what do I do? Do I tell them how much t hurts me? How every read but unreplied message saps my health bar until I’m a sobbing mess? Do I give them scripts for extravert a? Here when you’re overwhelmed, or you don’t know the answer yet or you’re busy, TELL ME THAT.


I can’t really can I because this is my own insecurity it’s triggering but man it makes me feel ing awful. Is it really that unreasonable to want friends who consistently show up as friends and don’t just ignore me for a day or more? So is it time to quietly shelve these friends and get out there and meet some new people who don’t make me wait more than a day for a reply to my inquiry? And then was I ever even friends with any of these people that they all just want to fade me at the same time?

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Not replying points to disinterest. This is definitely not your insecurity because long/no replies always ended w/the guys not being interested. No one is that busy, phones are literally glued to everyone. Do not send anything more and do not talk to him about it. Talking to him won't solve anything because they will tell you how much they care, they will text a little more and then it'll be the exact same.

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Well, keep in mind there are other people in the world and they have things to do. I've watched teenagers at a party do nothing but text throughout the entire party because they're writing to friends, answering friends. Why go to a party if you're not going to partake in the party? We're raising a bunch of anti-social, autistic millennials.


Anyways, some of it has to do with what you're texting. Some people don't want to be bothered to answer a "what U doin?" text when they're doing other stuff. Likewise they may not have time to answer a long, involved text that really requires conversation rather than texting. In the old days, you would call someone on the telephone and it might be days before they call you back. Now you've got girlfriends breaking up with their boyfriends because it took 9 minutes for them to answer back. Keep in mind too that you're asking someone to give you a precious commodity, their time. You don't demand it.

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So I have some of this too but sometimes - people look at a message without reading it and mean to read it later so it's checked off but not read if that makes sense. I had a very active social life for almost 20 years pre-internet and even pre-answering machine. What I can tell you is that I consistently had plans in advance and people called and returned calls in a timely way (meaning when they said they would whether that was the next day or in enough time to make/confirm a plan). We didn't have cell phones in case we were running late etc. People who are interested in having a friendship that involves making plans and showing up etc make the time (meaning I have friendships where we live far apart so we make plans to talk or we e-mail but I don't need for them to be reliable in that way).


I've had two close friends -well I thought they were -go MIA since last summer -both long standing friendships and I only see them rarely because of geography but we were talking by phone at least once a week and doing some emailing (neither was really on FAcebook). One I can only speculate that she overreacted to a situation we had last summer (it would be wild speculation on my part) and the other has given me a few "busy" excuses over the last 2 plus months and I am done with reaching out. I know we had absolutely no issues or falling out. In other cases - more than once -the person reached out enthusiastically -a newer friend or acquaintance -to get together, I follow up with suggestions and the message is read and no response at all. It's upsetting but not in an ego bruising way. The thing is I am not that way. Barring an emergency, I make a plan and show up and follow up. I have a handful of local friends who are like that and I'm suggesting to you that if you have that, strongly cherish it.


It might seem more superficial to have the skill of being reliable but I've learned in my old age lol that it goes far deeper than that. That person not only wants to see you but respects your time and your schedule and your lifestyle. And if you have a pattern of showing up for each other for lunch or whatever it is then you also start to realize that while you might not yet have a deep connection or friendship you can bet that that person likely would show up if you needed support. I've actually never connected those two concepts but I think that's why it's become more and more important to me.


So yes reach out to new people and if there is one in your current group who is reliable, cherish her. And feel better.

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