Want him or her back? Two words: John Wayne.

[TheOutlaw]

Unfortunately, there is a slew of bad advice swirling the internet about getting an ex back. Do you call after 30, 60, 90 days? Write a text or letter professing your undying love and affection? Send gifts? Stay by their side as a friend? Get “coaching” from online “pros”? Buy books and online seminars to decipher the inner emotion and psychology behind the breakup?

 

The short answer? No.

The long answer? Helllll no.

 

If someone decides to leave you, backburner you, or in any way give you a relationship that is less than what you want or deserve, you John Wayne them. What is John Wayne? It is tipping your cap and riding off into the sunset. It is displaying a cool, calm, confident demeanor that tells your ex that you are in the lead saddle of your life and emotions and that whether they are their or not, you will ride on.

 

Since college, I have had 6 ex girlfriends (I’m currently in my mid 30’s). All 6 have returned after a period of time. You read that correctly, all 6. How many dumped me? 4, and all for various reasons (none of which is cheating, abuse in any form, or drug/alcohol abuse). What brought them all back? Tipping my cap and riding off to the sunset. What does that consist of?

————————————————————-

*NEVER contacting them unless they contact you. I repeat. NEVER contacting them unless they contact you. Once they contact you, DO NOT start initiating contact and DO NOT ask them to hang out, act confident and indifferent; like you couldn’t give a sh*t less about talking or hanging out*.

————————————————————

But what about social media? Do I delete them? Block them? Stay friends?

 

Answer: Delete them as your friend, but do not block them. Once they decide to leave, they have left a concert and there is no re-entry. But allow them to look you up. Facebook has fun tools that tracks who looks at your page, it’s always fun to see how long it takes them to start visiting with regularity (usually 4-5 months).

 

To all of those that will say this is “game playing” spare me your morality compass. The game started when they dumped you, you’re just returning the serve.

 

Best,

 

Outlaw.

[boltnrun]

People fresh out of a breakup usually don't want to to follow this because they frantically think "but what if I go no contact and she/he FORGETS about me!!!???" They fear if they don't keep reminding their ex they exist their ex will experience a memory wipe. So they keep texting "Hi, how are you?" or write letters or text "Happy birthday" or send text reminders that the ex left a sock at their place and when do they want to meet to retrieve it???

 

But I agree...the ex wanted a breakup, so that's what they should get. Period.

[TheOutlaw]

Exactly. They want space? Give them so much they think their a gd astronaut.

[RayRay63]

The modern version of a "John Wayne" is a "Jason Bourne" :thumbs_up:

[OhGreat]

I agree with this but have also found if a woman has low self esteem and felt you didn’t care about her this can reinforce the belief in her head.

 

Several of the women I dated had low self esteem. I tried hard with my ex (I felt she was worth it) but going forward all I’ve done is say “Good luck,” and never speak to them again.

 

Granted, these relationships were much easier to walk away from but I realize the futility of trying to change a woman’s mind. All you do is push her further away.

[Neruda20]

Exactly. They want space? Give them so much they think their a gd astronaut.

 

This is perhaps the best quote on the website. Just curious TheOutlaw, why did your exes return? What did they want?

[Bulldawg2010]

Well after I found out my soon to be ex wife cheated on me with a 37 year old man ( she’s 26) I can safely say I’m tipping my hat to her.

 

And it’s not bc I want her back, I’m very black and white about cheaters. I just don’t want anything to do with her ever again.

[TheOutlaw]

Years ago, I was cheated on as well. My girlfriend left me for a coworker. After the honeymoon period, she came crawling back when she realized he was nothing special.

 

We never got back together, but I certainly had the opportunity if I wanted too. I too would never take back a cheater.

 

Sitting, sipping on a glass of bourbon while she was texting me how much she missed me and wanted to sleep with me sure was sweet.

[Wonderwoman11]

I know I'm a little late replying to this and I totally agree this is the way to go after a breakup. But I think the problem is by the time most people realize this, they have already taken some of the bad advice out there. Or just made mistakes like begging, pleading, sending a letter on their own.

 

I guess I shouldn't speak for others, but I certainly know that was the case for me. I tried everything until I finally realized doing nothing and moving on with my own life was the way to go.

 

I think when you're heartbroken it's all too easy to be convinced by all that bad advice out there. When normally you would be able to see right through it and know that it's just a bunch of crap.

 

Live and learn I guess.

[endy]

Unfortunately, there is a slew of bad advice swirling the internet about getting an ex back. Do you call after 30, 60, 90 days? Write a text or letter professing your undying love and affection? Send gifts? Stay by their side as a friend? Get “coaching” from online “pros”? Buy books and online seminars to decipher the inner emotion and psychology behind the breakup?

 

The short answer? No.

The long answer? Helllll no.

 

If someone decides to leave you, backburner you, or in any way give you a relationship that is less than what you want or deserve, you John Wayne them. What is John Wayne? It is tipping your cap and riding off into the sunset. It is displaying a cool, calm, confident demeanor that tells your ex that you are in the lead saddle of your life and emotions and that whether they are their or not, you will ride on.

 

Since college, I have had 6 ex girlfriends (I’m currently in my mid 30’s). All 6 have returned after a period of time. You read that correctly, all 6. How many dumped me? 4, and all for various reasons (none of which is cheating, abuse in any form, or drug/alcohol abuse). What brought them all back? Tipping my cap and riding off to the sunset. What does that consist of?

————————————————————-

*NEVER contacting them unless they contact you. I repeat. NEVER contacting them unless they contact you. Once they contact you, DO NOT start initiating contact and DO NOT ask them to hang out, act confident and indifferent; like you couldn’t give a sh*t less about talking or hanging out*.

————————————————————

But what about social media? Do I delete them? Block them? Stay friends?

 

Answer: Delete them as your friend, but do not block them. Once they decide to leave, they have left a concert and there is no re-entry. But allow them to look you up. Facebook has fun tools that tracks who looks at your page, it’s always fun to see how long it takes them to start visiting with regularity (usually 4-5 months).

 

To all of those that will say this is “game playing” spare me your morality compass. The game started when they dumped you, you’re just returning the serve.

 

Best,

 

Outlaw.

 

What works is moving on... the quicker the better for you. There's no set way to get an ex back... but this will usually at least spike curiosity. Women like strong independent confident men that don't need them generally... it's just attraction working its magic.

[askdan]

This is the best post I’ve seen here in 15 years...the best. Thanks Outlaw!

[TheOutlaw]

I’m glad you found it helpful. Remember that women are attracted to confidence and decisiveness. When someone chooses to not have you in their life anymore, the best way to have an opportunity to win them back is to allow them to wallow in their decision. A man who can decisively walk away and have the confidence to not look back is extremely difficult to find. In time, everyone has realized that in my past.

 

Best of luck on your journey, askdan.

[RayRay63]

... A man who can decisively walk away and have the confidence to not look back is extremely difficult to find...

 

And, given enough time, often you don't want them back when they come crawling home - because you found someone better.

[TheOutlaw]

Very true. I have never gotten back with an ex after they dumped me and came back.

[askdan]

In reality, if you read the John Wayne biography, his ex-wife was chasing him long after the divorce! She was even finding him with another woman in hotel rooms when he was on tour. She would not leave him alone! She was barging in even when he was in the hotel's bathtub! You will find this information in the 2015 biography of John Wayne: The Life and Legend.

 

Good post, Outlaw. No Contact + Self-Improvement + Enjoying Life seems to be the best formula to attract exes back

[endy]

In reality, if you read the John Wayne biography, his ex-wife was chasing him long after the divorce! She was even finding him with another woman in hotel rooms when he was on tour. She would not leave him alone! She was barging in even when he was in the hotel's bathtub! You will find this information in the 2015 biography of John Wayne: The Life and Legend.

 

Good post, Outlaw. No Contact + Self-Improvement + Enjoying Life seems to be the best formula to attract exes back

 

It's the truth. It's a win win situation, they come back or you are so far improved you find something better. It's the only way to go, and you deal with communication from them when it comes.