How often do women dumpers come back

[boltnrun]

I used to refer to my ex as "the love of my life who I'll love FOREVER!!!!!1111"

 

Years after he broke up with me he contacted me. He wanted to see me. I was curious. Something like 8 plus years had gone by and I wanted to see if I still felt the same.

 

Well? Um, nothing. Nada. Not so much as a twinge. I wasn't even physically attracted to him. I found him insufferably boring. Went on and on about one topic, something I used to be really interested in but I'd moved on to other things. Him, not so much. All I could think was, how soon can I get away?

 

I slept with him because I thought that might bring it back. Nope. He really, really wanted me to stay over so I did, but in the very early morning I hightailed it outta there.

 

It was a bit confusing...I'd cried over this guy for MONTHS! Years! Thought if I'd ever had the great good fortune to have another chance with him I'd be delighted! Blissful! But no...I don't love him, not anymore.

 

I really don't know what happened because I truly did love this man, with my entire being. I was enraptured with him. I'd told all my friends that he was "the one". Forever. And it was all gone.

 

The next time he contacted me wanting to hang out I was busy. Had to rearrange my sock drawer or something. He'd actually told a LOT of mutual friends we were "seeing each other" again. I don't know how he explained that away, but it's not my concern because I wasn't the one who'd blabbed. Anyway, I unfriended him and haven't seen him or spoken to him since. And I feel zero sense of loss.

 

And I doubt he's lamenting the loss. I think he'd contacted me because he remembered how obsessed with him I'd been and he was in a dry spell. I don't think he really wanted to resume the relationship. Maybe he was going for a "FWB" or something, who knows. But he certainly didn't persist in trying to see me, which leads me to believe his feelings weren't really involved.

 

Weird, huh? But also very liberating. Someone I'd sobbed over for months no longer had any power over me and I was glad, actually.

[Neruda20]

Someone I'd sobbed over for months no longer had any power over me and I was glad, actually.

 

Thank you for sharing, and I am so happy you arrived at this place. I pray many others on this forum arrive there as well.

[OhGreat]

This is interesting. You may think we have more choices, I think certainly when it comes to OLD the ball is in our

court for messaging and getting a lot of interest, but it doesn't mean "better" is easily found. We don't necessarily look to upgrade, we look for attraction and compatibility, and it's just as hard for us to find as it is for men. Of course women of low value will just take any guy that pays attention to them, just to have someone while they keep looking.

 

Women certainly have a much easier time finding someone when all factors are equal. Assuming both man and woman are of equal looks, the woman will find a partner much quicker.

 

It all has to do with choice and opportunity. I recall a female poster from another forum stated she had 200 dates (with different guys) before she met her bf. 200! I haven’t had that many dates in my life. Most men haven’t.

 

I’m not saying women don’t have different challenges (getting used for sex for example) but the opportunities which they have dwarf a comparable guy, therefore making finding a mate far easier

[OhGreat]

Gotta be careful with this line of thinking. It's a defeatist attitude, and ultimately sets you up for the result you've predicted. Self-fulfilling prophecy. There are countless threads on this forum from jaded men who continue to recreate the same old scenario. I think it's easy to see what you want to see, and feed into feelings of rejection with these kinds of statements. Often creates an environment of bitterness. I don't know if you're bitter, but it's often a slippery slope into that realm.

 

Things are often different for men and women. But scan these boards and you might notice that the differences aren't all that relevant. Most people hurt. Most people feel the full spectrum of emotion when it comes to breakups. Men initiate breakups just as often as women. Women feel confused and drawn to exes just as often as men do. These ideas that one gender has it easier than the other aren't founded on much. We rarely know how other people actually feel. Seems like a whole lot of speculation.

 

I can only cite divorces, but women do initiate most of those (over 60%). I agree it’s easy to fall into a self fulfilling prophecy but after a while you get jaded.

 

I’ve had good success in dating since my ex dumped me but only if you consider kissing/sleeping with women. I’ve yet to meet anything long term. I’ve had exactly two women I really liked and wanted to have a LTR with. One didn’t respond after the first date, the other showed her true colors after a few months and I had to bail. The rest were just temporary lasting from a few weeks to a few months.

 

It’s hard not to get jaded when the selection is so bad (I’m primarily on OLD due to my schedule). I’ve put a lot of effort and money into dating and at the point where I want to give up.

 

The downside is this is a constant reminder about my ex and how great our RL was (until it ended abruptly with no real reason). I’m growing more comfortable with the fact I’ll never have a long term relationship again.

 

Self fulfilling? Perhaps. But even I have my breaking point.

 

The good news is I can now date women who have my deal breakers as it will end in short order anyway. It really doesn’t matter anymore if they have kids, what they do for a living, political views, etc because they are all just temporary.

[melchevelle]

I had one “come back” five years later. Nothing had changed, she was still a tragic train wreck. I thanked her for dumping me.