Getting over a 4 year affair

[lady00]

Tell your lover that you will leave your wife at the time you plan on doing so. I know you've already told her this but why not go ahead and say it one more time. After that, whatever she says, accept it as her final decision on the matter. You say she changes her mind a lot but you don't want to be strung along forever by a belief that she will change her mind (that is in case she says no) so you need to decide that it will be the last time you ask her, otherwise you will just be clinging to hope that may well be false hope, for as long as you decide to or for as long as she keeps contacting you in little weird ways. You know what I have noticed though? She doesn't seem to be saying "I love you and want to be with you." She says a lot of other things that indicate perhaps as others have said, that she has moved on. Clearly she hasn't totally moved on because she still contacts you (ppl generally won't contact someone they no longer think of or that no longer affects them emotionally) but she seems to be on her way. All I'm saying is that she isn't really indicating interest in being with you again so she might not respond the way you want if you were to tell her that you're leaving your wife. But then again, I don't have the full picture here, all I really have to go on is the text messages she's sending you.

[bluebirds]

In answer to the sex thing August last year!

 

OK seeing as everybody keeps asking about my wife I will tell you a little.

 

Things were very good say just over 4 years ago when I asked her to marry me and when I got together with my lover things were good, but things have gone down hill since then really, only natural I suppose.

 

I got married and convinced myself its all going to work out and everything will be fine.Looking back on it everytime I was with my lover a little bit of me left my wife and when I fell in love with my lover my relationship other than being a in the same house has my wife virtually disapeared and its got worse and worse, but I do love and care for her like a best friend and will be devasted to have to hurt her as she really does love me.

 

I wish I could have controlled my feelings for my lover, but I just couldnt she is everything I want, she is very attractive and so is my wife so thats not it, its more the passion she has for life and she keeps me thinking and always wanting more in everyway..its hard to describe but she just pushes every button.

 

Re decisions I have said about 5 times that I would do it in July and given my reasons.

[bluebirds]

She texted me two days ago saying she loved me, but I have read up on this website that at this stage in relationship that can mean many many things.

[nikki19]

Things were very good say just over 4 years ago when I asked her to marry me and when I got together with my lover things were good, but things have gone down hill since then really, only natural I suppose.

 

That's messed up buddy.

[CarrieB123]

only natural I suppose

 

I guess you could say that. Naturally when there is infidelity in a relationship, they tend to go downhill, go figure!

[Mun]

She texted me two days ago saying she loved me,

 

I think that you lover does love you, but wants to push all the right buttons to get what she wants.

 

Realistically she can date, have sex or marry anyone she wants. You still can't.

 

She threatens with having sex with another because it's what will effectively ( she hopes) push you over the edge and into divorce court. I think she wants to know how committed you are to her.

 

Truthfully, I know you are going to do what you want anyway. I just hope you know that (most likely) your time is running out. It's been running out for the last 4 years.

[bluebirds]

Ok..

 

You have all helped me in your own ways, but MUNECA I am going to print off everything you have written and read it over and over as I think you are as close to the truth as it can get.

 

I will take a little advice from all of you however as this is the first time I have ever been on any website like this and really I did it because I was desperatley looking for help.

 

Thanks

 

Bluebird.

[birdgirl]

Regarding that trick you played on your mistress -- She's supposed to be faithful to you, while you're married to another woman? Especially after she broke up her marriage for you, and you didn't do the same?