bluebirds
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Posts
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Ok.. You have all helped me in your own ways, but MUNECA I am going to print off everything you have written and read it over and over as I think you are as close to the truth as it can get. I will take a little advice from all of you however as this is the first time I have ever been on any website like this and really I did it because I was desperatley looking for help. Thanks Bluebird.
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She texted me two days ago saying she loved me, but I have read up on this website that at this stage in relationship that can mean many many things.
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In answer to the sex thing August last year! OK seeing as everybody keeps asking about my wife I will tell you a little. Things were very good say just over 4 years ago when I asked her to marry me and when I got together with my lover things were good, but things have gone down hill since then really, only natural I suppose. I got married and convinced myself its all going to work out and everything will be fine.Looking back on it everytime I was with my lover a little bit of me left my wife and when I fell in love with my lover my relationship other than being a in the same house has my wife virtually disapeared and its got worse and worse, but I do love and care for her like a best friend and will be devasted to have to hurt her as she really does love me. I wish I could have controlled my feelings for my lover, but I just couldnt she is everything I want, she is very attractive and so is my wife so thats not it, its more the passion she has for life and she keeps me thinking and always wanting more in everyway..its hard to describe but she just pushes every button. Re decisions I have said about 5 times that I would do it in July and given my reasons.
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Not interested in the Church and all that nonsense so not discussing that. No together trying to sort things out, ie mentally,physically emotionally,sexually together. Last year sometime, in answer to your other question.
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We were spending 4 days together before she went to NZ to try and sort things out. So at the time we were TOGETHER
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My wife and I havent had sex for a very long time, so I am not sleeping with anyone else...and thats my decision!! So you think its nice to say something like that to a person you love, do you...do you really think that??
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finances in relation to the mortgage deal I have that finishes in JULY!! When she said that she might sleep with someone in NZ we were TOGETHER and had just made love!! You are charming Annie, any chance you seeing both sides of the story?
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What do you mean?
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Just re your Nz point, she has been telling how wonderful it is for 4 years and how happy we could be there and how its great to start a family there etc etc. When she went to NZ for her 3 months to find herself I said to her that I would come and see her for a week just to see her in her on environment and spend a short time getting to know the place a little and also to catch up with her. She so didnt want that, kept telling me that this 3 months was for her and that she needed this time for herself etc etc. Now under normal circumstances I would have gone with that and given her the time out, but if you have followed this story you will remember that when I spent 4 days with her before she left, she told me that SHE MIGHT SLEEP WITH SOMEONE IN NZ!! So when she is then so totally against me going to Nz for week to see her I automatically think the worst, and thats natural so dont give me a hard time for thinking it coz i am not having it. I also feel that its unfair to keep telling me she loves me but then say that she didnt want me to visit. I understood the reasons for her going to Nz and I told her it would be good for her, but that email trick I played on her (see previous messages) and the I MIGHT SLEEP WITH SOMEONE thing ruined it.
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Muneca.. I cant bring myself to disagree with you, I want to but you make so much sense in all this, it makes me so sad that I actually had the chance to avoid all this and rolled the dice one to many times. You have to believe me that I REALLY do love my lover and she is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. We all have insecurities and somone mentioned before that I am 37, not 25 and I dont want to be on my own again, my brother got divorced at 42 and he is very lonley in his life. Its also not becuase I dont think I couldnt get other chics, I am pretty confident and have taken good care of myself. I am just totally not interested in ANYONE else and all I want to hear from my lover is that if I leave my wife then she might be prepared to give it a go with me. I also understand the bit about the pressure and strain that it would put on my relationship with my lover when I leave my wife and get divorced, but if the love is strong enough it can also pull you together and make you twice as strong.
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Why cant any of you see that July is the best time for evrybody, not just me!! It makes sense if you just think about it, and my lover isnt back from Nz until July, but I would want to to commit to being with me.
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Just for all your info, she has contacted and accused me of hacking in to her hotmail and reading her emails!! Her password has changed or something like that! Anyhow I cant print the full extent of the message she sent me but it was very abusive. I havent been near her hotmail!!
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Yes I want whats best for me, that maybe selfish but at least its honest! I told you, it would be easier for all involved for this to come out in July, easier for me, easier for my wife and easier for my lover as none of us would have extra things to sort out. I do feel at the moment that my wife is standing in the way of my happiness, basically becuase she is, I am in love with and want to be with my lover..its as simple as that.
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No thats wrong, we have a mortgage plan that expires in July, we cant sell the house until then, well we could but we would lose a very large chunk of money. Hence I would rather not rock the boat until July as she would probably put the house on the market straight away for spite! I know how she would react if confronted with the situation of me leaving her, we have had rows over the years and she has always said that if I leave she will do everything in her power to ruin my life. Putting the house on the market straight away would be the first thing she would do as she knows that would hit me in the pocket straight away. Plus if I leave it until July its one less issue to deal with, it makes it easier to walk away, surley that makes sense?
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I will leave my wife and I have told my lover, I told her wait until July, I explained the financial implications and I also feel that with all the heartache I am will cause maybe its better not to have to deal with major financial issues also. I am only human guys, to deal with such a huge upheaval and to leave my wife my home and start a new life, plus having zero money to finance it.....thats to much, I did the math with my lover back in Feb I told her the situation back then, but she thought it was just another excuse. Someone said there is never a good time to leave, I agree, but there are better times and its better to be organised and not have any financial worry when you about to create such a huge upheaval for the people in your life. But as I said, she wouldnt listen. She also told me she didnt believe the financial issue, I wouldnt make something like that up believe me. So you see, we could have been together, I would have released my wife from this torment, but deep down I dont think my lover wanted it.