Unwelcoming co workers

[1a1a]

I’m a week into a two week job that started out really stressful because there is not crew boss here and I’m a bit inexperienced for the position I have and it’s not that I lack competency but I really needed someone to outline my responsibilities on day one.

 

There are a handful of other people crewed by the same company as I have been, were all working on a larger team for the event company that hired us. The rest of the people that came from the same place as me all know each other from other gigs. And have been varying degrees of unhelpful over the course of the week (like as we got to know each other better they have taken a disliking to me)

 

They’ve gone to lunch as a unit, I was standing right next to them but I wasn’t invited.

 

I have the unreasonable hope of making friends with my co workers and I’ve been trying to talk myself down for that (although they are clearly all friends with each other, or at least friendly, enough to want to spend lunch together). I have the less unreasonable expectation of being included in the team (which is also not happening) I’ve got one more week of this, with them having drawn their conclusions about me and me feeling excluded. How do I find the zen to continue working with them? What is even a reasonable level of friendly interaction to expect from them? Is this all in my head?

 

Although I would gladly never work with this selection of crew ever again, I would really like to work for the company that hired me again/continue to do this kind of work so I feel awfully invested in impressing and doing well (so far fat fail and that is causing me stress)

[melancholy123]

Good thing you only have one more week to go. Rather than standing back and letting the others head off to lunch without you, how about you make an effort to get to know at least one person in the crew and see how that goes, maybe that person will invite you to join them for lunch. Be a little forward and put yourself out there to be included.

[1a1a]

I thought I had rapport with one of them but it seems to have evaporated. Part of me wants to ask him if the crew has gotten annoyed at me, most of me doesn’t want to show that weakness/insecurity....

 

I have a tendency to talk to people. I can see I’m not getting reciprocity, I keep telling myself to be silent and leave space for them to speak/not show so much of myself to these people who might not be allies.....I feel like I’ve already shown too much of myself... there are some cool people in the larger crew, I could try and make some connections there...

 

The dynamic of this team makes me miss working at home like crazy. There’s only one guy back there who is this cold and the shifts there are shorter and I can go home after (I’m interstate for this job)

[Capricorn3]

I’m a week into a two week job

Seeing as it's only for two weeks, I would focus on the job at hand and not bother getting too involved with the rest of the staff. Be polite, courteous, do your job and before you know it, the last week is over. Not worth getting too upset about these things when it's only for 2 weeks (imo).

[DanZee]

Yeah, you're just a temp worker, so they aren't very friendly to you. Bring your own lunch or find your way to the cafeteria. Just get through the week. They're not going to be your friends. If you were on my crew, I would have invited you to lunch, but that's me.

[1a1a]

I’ve ended up having incidental friendly chats with two of the crew over the last couple of days. So, probably not animosity there. There’s still one person I think actively dislikes (or not dislike but def doesn’t want to spend his spare time in my company, which at this point, that feeling is mutual) so maybe he is the reason I am not included in the ‘organic’ (system tech’s choice of word) coming together of that crew for lunches. There’s something like 4 days left now, not long. I can do this flying solo thing. And my head is already full of interesting ideas (career related mostly) from the conversations I have managed to have, begrudged or given freely.

 

Yeah, same here Danzee. I think being excluded, and people who are reserved with their friendliness particularly stick out to me because I am the opposite. But those who do not include and those who guard their friendliness are out there. And it’s probably not personal, just jarring

[Jibralta]

The rest of the people that came from the same place as me all know each other from other gigs. And have been varying degrees of unhelpful over the course of the week (like as we got to know each other better they have taken a disliking to me)

 

They’ve gone to lunch as a unit, I was standing right next to them but I wasn’t invited.

 

I have the unreasonable hope of making friends with my co workers and I’ve been trying to talk myself down for that (although they are clearly all friends with each other, or at least friendly, enough to want to spend lunch together). I have the less unreasonable expectation of being included in the team (which is also not happening) I’ve got one more week of this, with them having drawn their conclusions about me and me feeling excluded. How do I find the zen to continue working with them? What is even a reasonable level of friendly interaction to expect from them? Is this all in my head?

 

Although I would gladly never work with this selection of crew ever again, I would really like to work for the company that hired me again/continue to do this kind of work so I feel awfully invested in impressing and doing well (so far fat fail and that is causing me stress)

 

I worked with a group of people like that, once. There's nothing you can do about it. Those people need to be part of a pack.

 

Some people are natural followers and prioritize the approval of others above all other things. When the number of followers is balanced out by a number of independent people, the followers tend to be more tolerant--but you can often still see that need to reject other people within them. Occasionally, as in your case, a bunch of followers all end up in one place and they follow each other into oblivion. It can really act like a cancer in a group.

 

Talking to each person individually may help. But if they're anything like the people that I used to work with, those efforts won't go very far. Entrenched followers are afraid to have opinions that are not sanctioned by the rest of the group. This is especially true if there is a leader among the followers who dislikes you.

 

If you see a future in this company, stick it out. It will be over soon.

[1a1a]

I like this perception shift.

 

I joined the lunch group yesterday. I asked the guy i don’t like if I could join them and he said I don’t know, can you? But then another new comer to that lunch gathering came up behind saying you don’t ask, you just go. And he joined ya too (which was a nice diluting of the core group because I’m friendly with that guy.) I won’t join them again though I don’t think. (By choice I mean)

[figureitout23]

Well you're crushing on one of the guy which is probably why you're taking this exclusion thing personally. Like everyone says it's a two week job, their opinions at the end of the day don't mean much, just enjoy the expiereinced. Maybe try to keep romance out of the equation.

[1a1a]

Ohhh heck no, two different people. (Crush guy only works the evenings). Still, you are surely right that everything is adding together to make unreasonably sensitive.

 

Down to the last day nooow, it’s been a journey