What should I do

[Afitzgerald]

Me and my girlfriend of 3 years long distance just broke up three days ago. She broke up with me because she felt like she wanted time apart to make herself happy and focus on herself for a while which is completely fair as we are both 21 only. We ended on good terms because I could understand why she did it. But over the last few days I’ve been so miserable and not being able to sleep (it’s 5AM right now when I’m typing this). She called me yesterday and we decided to see how she feels in 5 months time as we have a holiday booked. Should I wait the whole 5 months with zero contact or should I wait a shorter amount to talk to her. I absolutely want her back in life and I want her to be happy and find herself while on this break. But I know she will be happy with me so my goal is to get her back because I know she wants to.

[android123]

I went through a similar situation and came out of it single. The first mistake made here was getting into a relationship at a young age, but it's understandable. Sometimes we have to make mistakes to learn certain lessons.

 

You are in a good place since this is so fresh. What you need to do is leave her alone because that's what she really wants. If someone who claims to love you all of a sudden considers downgrading that love, you need to back off and run because this is not the person for you, obviously. They are not committed enough to want to commit. Nothing you can do at this point will change their mind because they want something different, not the usual. It's not easy at first, but you'll come out alive, stronger, and smarter in the end. To make it less harsh, delete her contact info, social media sites, and get rid of anything that reminds you of her. Out of sight, out of mind.

[Afitzgerald]

But she does love me and I really feel like we should be together. And I feel like I have a better chance of her coming back to me than breaking up for good. I was wondering should I just play it out and see what she thinks after the whole 5 months or is that too long

[android123]

She might love you as a person, but not as a partner anymore. That's a big difference. You should just continue living life, don't worry about the timeframe. She'll let you know one way or the other if she wants to be with you after those 5 months hit. In the meantime, just focus on yourself. That's all you can do.

[DanZee]

This is the way a lot of girls do breakups. Oh, I need to focus on myself. Or oh, I need to make myself happy. But it's just a way to get out of a relationship. I wouldn't bet on that vacation in 5 months. You might want to cancel it if you've had to put up any money in advance. And if you run into a cute girl, don't feel you're already in a relationship. Ask her out.

[MissCanuck]

She might love you in the sense that she cares about your well-being, but she isn't in love anymore.

 

I agree with DanZee - don't hold your breath for that holiday to be the reconciliation. So much can change between now and then. You or she might meet someone else. Maybe things will fall back in place by then, but try not to pin your hopes on it. 5 months is a long time to be apart and not working on reconciliation. As it stands, she doesn't want what you want or you wouldn't be single now. Calling a months-long time-out isn't likely to solve that.

 

She has been with you since she was about 18, if I understand correctly. It's more likely that she is has just outgrown your relationship, as happens to many people at that age. It's not fun, but young loves generally run their course as both enter adulthood and want to spread their wings, to use the old cliche.

[thealchemist]

I went through a similar situation and came out of it single. The first mistake made here was getting into a relationship at a young age, but it's understandable. Sometimes we have to make mistakes to learn certain lessons.

 

You are in a good place since this is so fresh. What you need to do is leave her alone because that's what she really wants. If someone who claims to love you all of a sudden considers downgrading that love, you need to back off and run because this is not the person for you, obviously. They are not committed enough to want to commit. Nothing you can do at this point will change their mind because they want something different, not the usual. It's not easy at first, but you'll come out alive, stronger, and smarter in the end. To make it less harsh, delete her contact info, social media sites, and get rid of anything that reminds you of her. Out of sight, out of mind.

Being in a relationship while you are young is not a mistake. There is absolutely nothing inherently wrong with it.

 

In fact, how would you even develop relationship senses/skills if you don't practice? You practice by experiences.

 

You hopefully learn from them too. Even if the relationship doesn't last, it doesn't mean it was a mistake.

 

The issue with relationships like this is that they are sometimes held on to too long. When you are so young and it isn't a great fit anymore but you are just too set on being with the person, even though you are not compatible.

 

From the sound of it that is where you are.

 

She has outgrown this relationship. If she has, whether you realize it or not, you have too. You are just in denial.

 

It sounds like it was a good relationship but it is hard for people to grow up and stay similiar enough to be together.

 

I'm 30 and have been with my wife for over 13 years. Going from a high school couple to a married couple with 2 children over 13 years takes a lot of growing up together.

 

Not many combinations of people are capable of transitioning and growing together like that.

 

My advice is to move on. She is done with the idea of you two as a couple. She is just feeding you hope because she thinks it is best, however it is not the best for your recovery.

 

Go NC and move on. Learn from this relationship and keep growing.

[Wiseman2]

Where did you meet? How often do you see each other in person? How far apart are you? Why 5 mos? Never put your life on hold while someone is clearly jerking you around because they found/are looking for someone locally. Break up completely rather than acquiesce to this absurd limbo. Never be someone's backup plan/security blanket, while they are free and clear to date around. She wants a break - then let her deal with not having you around...At All.

She called me yesterday and we decided to see how she feels in 5 months time as we have a holiday booked.