PainterGirl Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Good morning everyone. I recently started a physical relationship with a man who is a lot less sexually experienced than myself and it has been a bit of a challenging experience. He has had sex before, but over all he is very inexperienced for his age. The major issue we are having is that he can't seem to control his orgasm and most of the time he has an orgasm within a couple of minutes which leaves me pretty unsatisfied. He has managed to last longer on a few occasions, after he had at least two orgasms first, so I think he will eventually be able to last longer. I told him to practice edging, which he had never heard of so I introduced him to that. I'm hoping eventually in time he will be able to hold his orgasm longer; does this sound realistic? Is there anything I can do to help him hold out longer before he orgasms.? Any other advice would be appreciated and thanks for taking the time to read. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 My guess is it has more to do with the type of arrangement and less about his technical experience. For some people -and perhaps for people with less experience - being emotionally bonded probably helps the person be more comfortable with trying new things and accepting input especially in such a sensitive and vulnerable situation. Why are you interested in having this arrangement in the first place if it's just to have sex -why not find someone who has more experience since you seem to see a connection between that and whether he is a good sex partner for you? In my experience whether someone is good in bed has far more to do with how the two people interact, each person's willingness to please, the emotional bond between the people, and how the couple communicates about what they like and do not like (which also works better IMO when there is an emotional connection/bond). Link to comment
1a1a Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 batyas advice is better. But also more condoms? And would he be enthusiastic about pleasuring you other ways? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Good morning everyone. I recently started a physical relationship with a man who is a lot less sexually experienced than myself and it has been a bit of a challenging experience. He has had sex before, but over all he is very inexperienced for his age. The major issue we are having is that he can't seem to control his orgasm and most of the time he has an orgasm within a couple of minutes which leaves me pretty unsatisfied. He has managed to last longer on a few occasions, after he had at least two orgasms first, so I think he will eventually be able to last longer. I told him to practice edging, which he had never heard of so I introduced him to that. I'm hoping eventually in time he will be able to hold his orgasm longer; does this sound realistic? Is there anything I can do to help him hold out longer before he orgasms.? Any other advice would be appreciated and thanks for taking the time to read. Is he a lot younger then you or are you around the same age? Link to comment
PainterGirl Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 He's actually about 6 years younger than me Link to comment
PainterGirl Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 He is definitely willing to please me in any way he can and he's actually good with fingering me and says he has eaten out women, but not for a long time so he's a bit shy about it right now although he's told me he wants to try again. He's willing to learn and very eager, I think he may be jumping the gun right now simply from lack of experience, possibly performance anxiety. I suggested condoms to him and he says they don't do much to help. Link to comment
PainterGirl Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 Our situation is a little bit complicated right now. At first we were thinking it would just be for fun once in a while, but we've been steadily developing feelings for one another. There are definetly feelings between us. Keep in mind this is very young, like one month young. I'm not seeking other sex partners and he is the only man I'm seeing. We don't only have sexual relationship, we do spend time together otherwise and yes we are both developing a bond and feelings for each other. He is very willing to try to please and he works very hard to please me and very willing to learn and I'm being very supportive of him. He seems to be very open to me and tells me I'm treating him very nicely and he feels very open and comfortable with me. He also admitted he's had some pretty unfortunate experience with sex in the past and that sex with me is very different than what he's experienced in the past Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 I don’t think it has to do with how many sex partners he’s had. It has to do with his confidence level and with how you two interact. I don’t think having more experience will change things . Have more positive experience with affection might. I’d stop having intercourse and just focus on enjoying holding hands and kissing and cuddling while getting to know each other. One month is soon to be having sex. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 He is definitely willing to please me in any way he can and he's actually good with fingering me and says he has eaten out women, but not for a long time so he's a bit shy about it right now although he's told me he wants to try again. He's willing to learn and very eager, I think he may be jumping the gun right now simply from lack of experience, possibly performance anxiety. I suggested condoms to him and he says they don't do much to help. He's six years younger then you, you've only known him a month, you're already forgoing condoms, he's had bad sexual experiences in that past. He is of legal age, right? I suspect that if he hasn't been abused by an older woman or man in his past then with your guidance and patience you'll be able to groom him into being a good lover. If nothing else, you should be teaching him to get you off before he enters you if he's quick to pop. Introduce him to Kegal exercises which will help him with his control. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/mens-health/in-depth/kegel-exercises-for-men/art-20045074 Link to comment
PainterGirl Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 Yes he's absolutely of legal age, we're both adults ... I've actually known him for two years now, we recently took our friendship to the "next level". He hasn't had a sexual relationship with anyone in four years, tells me he was waiting until he felt a connection with someone.. I have been telling him It's better for me if he can give me an orgasm first, so he has been doing that now and it's been a lot better. I would love to be able to enjoy the penetrative sex for longer and be able to have an orgasm from penetration as well as from clitoral stimulation. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 So it sounds like you’re focused on technique and your own pleasure. He sounds like someone who’s more interested in the connection he has with his sex partner rather than the actual sex or technique. Link to comment
PainterGirl Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 Thanks for your perspective. I have been treating him very nicely and very open with him about this and try to help him as much as I can. We are actually very affectionate with each other and spend a lot of time cuddling, tons of kissing and very loving touches and we talk and laugh a lot together.I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like he's happy right now, and he's told me as much . He says he's very happy and no one has ever been so nice to him and also tells me he's never had sex that felt the way it does between the two of us. I'm definetly willing to help him learn and to be patient. Link to comment
PainterGirl Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 Well, as he put it, he thinks I'm "a black belt"in sex and he's "a yellow belt". He really has not had many experiences with sex and most were with virgins and not with experienced women. He told me he also had a few one night flings that didn't go well for him at all.. So he's had some bad experience in the past, and again he says he's never experienced the type of sex we've been having. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Well, as he put it, he thinks I'm "a black belt"in sex and he's "a yellow belt". He really has not had many experiences with sex and most were with virgins and not with experienced women. He told me he also had a few one night flings that didn't go well for him at all.. So he's had some bad experience in the past, and again he says he's never experienced the type of sex we've been having. Yes I get that you see experience as important to being proficient at sexual intercourse. I think that's kind of narrow minded and I think he is far more focused on the emotional connection of sex than the particular technique. I think he does want to please you but not because he wants to be good in a technical way. Certainly if he's open to trying new techniques and open to doing it the way it would give you pleasure that's great. And I think if you want to have sex with him you have to consider that your definition of what it takes to be a good sex partner might not jibe with his. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 Two words : c*** ring . Improves stamina. And use condoms! Unless you want to risk an unwanted pregnancy. Also, maybe he needs to masturbate more often to be able to hold out longer. A guy who hasn't had a sex in a while like he claims will pop pretty quick lol. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 Two words : c*** ring . Improves stamina. And use condoms! Unless you want to risk an unwanted pregnancy. Also, maybe he needs to masturbate more often to be able to hold out longer. A guy who hasn't had a sex in a while like he claims will pop pretty quick lol. Since it's only been a month and he is really into her/feeling vulnerable I wouldn't focus too much on technique right now -maybe in a few months if the OP decides she wants to be in a more serious relationship with him than as initially planned. With this guy I think if he felt more secure about her feelings for him and the potential for something serious he'd be more comfortable and bonded in the bedroom. Then the technical stuff wouldn't matter as much. I had a guy once tell me I had 'hangups" in bed. We were not having intercourse and I wouldn't without a commitment. We fooled around. I had no hangups. My heart/mind just knew that he wasn't that into me emotionally and probably didn't see serious potential so my body reacted by not being as open. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 Ask him to do his own research on premature ejaculation and let him find ways to improve this. Make sure you have your satisfaction a few times before penetration. The major issue we are having is that he can't seem to control his orgasm and most of the time he has an orgasm within a couple of minutes which leaves me pretty unsatisfied. Link to comment
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