Should I let him go?

[bouty]

Hi,

 

I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 6 of them, we have 2 children a 7yr old and a 2yr old.

I had an unhappy time growing up and lost the trust of 1 of my parents because of what they did to me and I also had a bad relationship before I meet my husband.

I am totally in love with my husband to the point where I fear losing him everyday. After I had both my children I suffered really badly with post natal depression and now I keep thinking my husband is having an affair and even accuse him.

He works shifts but I say "your not working your seeing her".

He has told me he gives everything to this family and gets nothing in return except me moaning or not trusting him. I feel I should let him go and live his life how he wants.

We used to be great but since the birth of our second child he has not even had sex with me, which is when i started thinking he is having an affair.

I know i should trust him but because of my past I think I always wait for people to let me down.

WHAT SAHLL I DO?

[sonjam]

GET HELP. Why do you want to let him go if what you have could be great if you could let go of you axiety?

 

I suggest go and see a therapist to deal with your unresolved issues, and this way helping yourself and helping your marraige.

[butterflycloud]

Do you know for a fact that he is having an affair?

 

I think that there is a vicious circle here that you need to identify.This is how I see it: The more you feel insecure about him having an affair the more irritable you get the more you nag. The more you nag the less he wants to be intimate with you- the more you think he is having an affair.

 

This cycle will just go on and on and on until the root cause of it- you feeling insecure- is addressed. Sometimes your own feelings of 'not be good enough' land up getting transfered onto the ones we love. So because you feel bad within yourself you cannot seem to pin point where your distress is coming from so you land unconsciously looking for a reason to feel the way you do. And in this instance you are putting your bad feelings within yourself on your husband by thinking that he is having an affair.

 

Maybe you need to get some help from a councillor or psychologist. I also transfere my emotions onto my ex and it causes havoc!!

 

Really try to geo and see someone...

 

I'll send lots of angels to you!!

 

Love and light

Butterflycloud

[DN]

Has he said why he will not have sex with you?

[cleverme123]

I think therapy would be a gret idea, I don't feel you should let him go because your married and he obviously loves you. Unless he has given you a reason to believe that he is unfaithful, I don't think you should let him go, you can work through it. Marriage is never easy, but if your willing to try to make it better than you should get him involved.

[bella_1976]

I was in your situation but found out he was having an affair. But in your case i dont think this is the case. If you strongly think that he is having an affair i would either sit him down and tell him your feelings get a book and start a diary and let your husband read it. get some incents and start burning them around the house for stress relief And also if a man is having an affair and if you can go and look into his cell phones as men usually have something in them if they are having an affair if there is nothing more then likely he isnt.

[bouty]

Thank you for all your advice I will sit him down and chat with him again tonight and see what is happening. He is not one for other people getting involved like councillors or family so I either have to make him talk or let him carry on ignoring me and the issues that clearly need sorting.