Just deleted my online dating profile

[Zippy2000]

Good luck out there! Online dating is just a numbers game. Just like playing the lottery. Its addictive and you keep on trying hoping your numbers come up. Ive done OLD for over 10 years now on and off. There are lots of women to choose from but Ive never had any luck getting one of them to stay.

Its trying to stand out from hundreds of users from email. Lots get filtered out by looks or their sparse profiles.

I hate online dating from the way people chat to you, act all interested and then fade. The problem with it is there are too many options. Too many variables and nothing if forever. Its alo very addictive because you think the next man will be better than the next. More often than not its not true.

[Sportster2005]

Just so sick of how bad of an experience it is.

 

Genuinely worried I’ll never meet anyone without it. How does an adult in a big city who is past the age of “going out” and “going to bars” supposed to meet anyone? Please don’t advise something contrived like “go to meetups”- have enough difficulty not flaking on my real friends much less random strangers. Do I need to pick up a hobby that may have men in it? Wear see through leggings at the gym? Have my eyes open everytime I’m at Whole Foods? I mean really what do you do.

 

Pick hobbies and interests you are genuinely interested in. You will naturally meet like minded people. This will naturally grow your social circle. I was into motorcycles. I joined a riding group. Eventually met women that lead to some dates. Wanted to start running to reduce weight and blood pressure. Joined some running clinics. Met tons of friends. Eventually lead to dates. Some of them were by people I met introducing me to their single friends. I met my current partner through running. Do wear see through at the gym. It might not get you a man. But we appreciate it :) I've also met women through dance classes. That one is a bit tricky if you're a little shy. I am, and it was difficult to dance with strangers. But I did get to meet people. I eventually met someone I became a regular dance partner with. She liked me, but it wasn't reciprocated :(

 

Go where like minded people are. Go for the purpose of enjoying yourself. Not for the purpose of meeting men.

[Batya33]

Thanks for replies guys.

I really liked the suggestions of taking classes/education (because I'm a nerd and have met multiple SOs through work/school) and doing things you organically care about. If something happens, so be it! For me, I think it'd be fitness or learning related activities because I am naturally into that, and I won't feel like I'm doing it for the off-chance I meet a dude. It's just a very long term and potentially fruitless play, but what can ya do. I actually forced myself to go to a philanthropy event on Saturday and saw so many incredible men and women there - didn't talk to any prospects but I'm trying to find a way to get on this "amazing people of the city" invite list! haha I'm interviewing for jobs at large companies (I currently work alone) so I think being re-integrated into society through work is going to help tremendously. I think my experiences and attitude of late is 80% situational - I'm isolated and encounter very few new people IRL, so I force myself online, and it doesn't work for me, for whatever reason, so I get disheartened. I truly believe your social activity level etc is extremely lifestyle related - when I worked in social jobs or I was in school, or when I was in high density cities, I never had the need to even once open an app. Lately, my world has just shrunk and I find it petrifying, so I'm trying to actively expand it again through getting a job, potentially moving closer to city center, taking classes etc

 

I also re-downloaded another dating app which is less "mass market" - more curated to a niche type of person that is a professional educated etc, and I'll use it as a backup plan here and there.

 

These are all great ideas! Also what I used to do is tell myself I could leave an event after 30-45 minutes as long as I spoke to at least three people. Meeting women is important too and they can potentially introduce you to men. Many women set me up with men and I set up many women I knew with men I knew. Good for you for thinking outside the box and acting on it.

[catfeeder]

Thanks for replies guys.

I really liked the suggestions of taking classes/education (because I'm a nerd and have met multiple SOs through work/school) and doing things you organically care about. If something happens, so be it! For me, I think it'd be fitness or learning related activities because I am naturally into that, and I won't feel like I'm doing it for the off-chance I meet a dude. It's just a very long term and potentially fruitless play, but what can ya do. I actually forced myself to go to a philanthropy event on Saturday and saw so many incredible men and women there - didn't talk to any prospects but I'm trying to find a way to get on this "amazing people of the city" invite list! haha I'm interviewing for jobs at large companies (I currently work alone) so I think being re-integrated into society through work is going to help tremendously. I think my experiences and attitude of late is 80% situational - I'm isolated and encounter very few new people IRL, so I force myself online, and it doesn't work for me, for whatever reason, so I get disheartened. I truly believe your social activity level etc is extremely lifestyle related - when I worked in social jobs or I was in school, or when I was in high density cities, I never had the need to even once open an app. Lately, my world has just shrunk and I find it petrifying, so I'm trying to actively expand it again through getting a job, potentially moving closer to city center, taking classes etc

 

I also re-downloaded another dating app which is less "mass market" - more curated to a niche type of person that is a professional educated etc, and I'll use it as a backup plan here and there.

 

Yes! These are positive turns. Consider that any push beyond a habitual scope can feel contrived simply because you're busting a comfort bubble. Just take baby steps that you can feel good about rather than climbing out on limbs that make you feel lousy. The goal is a gradual build of stamina where minor discomforts of expanding your social scope can move you beyond what you may have considered possible before.

 

I find it helpful during my most difficult times to help someone I care about with their mundane stuff. It's grounding and builds bonds that help me to appreciate my value and inspire me to feel secure and resilient. I'm better able to carry those feelings into facing the slings and arrows of stranger territory.

 

Head high, and keep up the great vision into action.