Better continue or break off? I'm hesitating

[Voyager2005]

Hi,

 

I've gone out with this girl for 6 months. She has a nice personality and I feel comfortable being around her. But perhaps the only thing that gives me doubts from time to time (since before we went out) is whether I'm physically attracted to her enough. Especially, when I walk on the street seeing other girls I can't stop thinking, that's the look I like.

 

The relationship we have now I wouldn't describe it as passionate. I don't feel being madly in love. But what is love? This is a question perhaps no body knows. But one thing I do know is, if I keep having this doubt in my mind our relationship will deteriorate... maybe in the end becomes disasterous. So I need to convince myself, that there is nothing to doubt, or otherwise break up while it's still easy. But it won't be easy for me at all, cuz I'm afraid of hurting women, but my last relationship lasted much longer than it's supposed to because of this, resulting in many unnessecary arguments.

 

I know in a relationship doubts happen from time to time, and many who get through have wonderful lifes. Which is why I'm really lost. I don't want to just give up, but then I don't want to insist on something impossible. Maybe the same doubt will come again and again, say, when I see a pretty girl,etc.

 

Would love to hear some advices or your experiences.

[loveseeker]

Interesting that you chose to post this as a 'commitment' question (rather than, say, an 'attraction' one).

 

Tell me: do you really think that you don't feel passionately about her because she doesn't turn your head? You must have been attracted to her in the first place, otherwise you wouldn't have started a relationship.

 

It seems that you're just into the chase and so your interest in your girlfriend(s) dwindles when you get too comfortable. You say that you don't want to hurt women (by ending things), but frankly, that's rubbish! You're hurting them anyway by being with them when you don't really like or respect them that much.

[Voyager2005]

Yes, maybe you're right. Perhaps being a coward to say "I don't actually love you, let's be friends" is the best way to decribe me then saying that I don't want to hurt women.

 

As to whether she ever turned my head around, I would say no. I think she was more attracted to me than me to her at the beginning, and this gave us a push to become gf/bf. I was content with our relationship being that way until now - the reason being the time factor (or the dwindling factor) and I now have more time to think about us.

[Hope75]

I think in this situation it has been 6 months, and you would know by now whether or not your feelings are strong enough that you would call this love, or know that the total package your gf presents is more than just her looks, and that is is enough for you.

 

Since you don't seem to be feeling that with her, you are cheating both her and yourself, by denying that the relationship is satisfying to you and to her.

 

Don't be afraid to be honest with her and if it just isn't there, free yourself and her to find a relationship where there are no doubts and you can both get what you deserve, undivided devotion and happiness.

[Caterina]

If you are not attracted to her, you should probably break it off. Attraction is extremely important. If you felt attracted towards her at one point, and it dwindled, maybe it can come back. If you aren't comfortable in the relationship...maybe you can just slow things down. Make sure you both have your own lives, and set of friends so that when you are together things are interesting. Hanging out with someone too much can also make people feel this way...

[chai714]

I'm a big advocate of going all or none when it comes to relationships. Being physically attracted to your girlfriend is very important. I know you're not repulsed by her, but a man needs to really be able to appreciate his woman's body.

 

On another note - when you're with your girlfriend, you shouldn't let her see you looking at other females. It's disrespectful and would probably make her feel like she's not good enough.

 

You've probably been thinking about this for a while before you posted. If you're not fully attracted to her, it will probably reflect in the way you treat her, which will affect your relationship as a whole. While having doubts in any relationship is normal, being attracted to your partner is something completely different. Consider her positive traits as well before you make your decision though, because looks only go so far.

[annie24]

I've been in a similar situation as you. My most recent relationship was with a nice guy, things were ok, we got along well, but I didn't feel crazy passion towards him as I've felt with some other guys. Overall, I would give the relationship a B-. Now, I'm glad that we split up, because I don't think that we were right for each other at all. I think we should have just stayed friends. Now, I can't even be friends with him.

 

I mean, things were fine, but not spectacular, you know? Deep down, I felt like we weren't really meant for each other. Now, we can move onto people who are right for us.

 

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that i agree with Hope. You've been with her for 6 months, I think if you're questioning things, then this may not be the relationship for you. I guess you need to think about things. On one hand, Chai is right - looks can only get you so far. But, on the other, if you don't feel that deep longing for her, perhaps she isn't the woman for you.

 

I know that breaking up can be difficult, but you're doing both of you a disservice in staying in a relationship that isn't right. Good luck - I hope things turn out well.

[mercury25]

Yes, I would say...break up with her. Whether what you're feeling is 'right' or 'wrong', the fact remains...you're feeling it. And that's not how you're supposed to feel when you're in love.

 

I just got dumped recently. I was utterly in love with him. Was completely content and not interested in other men, either their looks or their mind. But he apparently didn't feel the same way. So...it had to end.

 

As far as I'm concerned, if one or both of you wants to 'keep looking', the relationship needs to end. It doesn't matter how much one or both of you feel like "Oh but I'll probably end up with you, but I just wanna keep looking *just in case*..." I think that's b.s....when you find someone you're really happy with, you don't wanna keep looking....