Break Up because we had to not because we wanted to - getting back together after 6 months?

[baloo]

Hello,

 

So before Christmas I met someone. It was a complete coincidence and i had not seen it coming at all. I wasnt really in a great place back when, but with him it all felt right from the beginning. It felt like we had known each other for a long time even though we just met. And the next months really were wonderful and we both were really happy. The problem was that I was going to leave the city in february for a 6 month internship. I planned this before we had met and back then it felt like a great idea and it really is a great chance. But of course I couldn't have planned that I would meet such a wonderful person that would become so important to me in such a short time. Now moving to a city 300 miles away seemed like a terrible idea, even if its "only" for 6 months and ill come back after it.

 

At first we both did not really think about this, and we agreed to just enjoy what we have a see how it develops. We both had long relationships before that and did not want to rush anything and take our time. Time which we did not have. Time went by and our feelings for each other became stronger and stronger. I even thought about not going to do this, but he said he would never let me do this and also i had already signed a contract.

 

So as the time for departure came nearer, I noticed that he was sealing himself off from me more and more. A few days before i had to go we said done and talked. It was a very emotional conversation, both of us agreed that we like each other very much and that there is no denial that we have strong feelings for each other. But we also agreed that turning what we had into a long distance relationship after only knowing each other for barely 2 months would put a lot of pressure on both of us. Yet our feelings were too strong, to simply keep going and just see how it works out. We decided to end it.

 

Now nearly 2 weeks have passed, i am in another city, my internship started and i miss him. Every day i think about him. We barely had contact since our last conversation. Only one time i texted him to tell him how hard it is for me, and he asked whether i arrived safely. Now I don't know what to do. On the one hand i want to contact him, but im afraid that it will make it even harder for both of us. On the other side I am so afraid that we will lose contact completely. All i want is to be with him and get him back but 6 months suddenly seem like a century. What do you think, is it okay to contact him now and then or is it better to wait until im going back. i might visit family in a two months, should i go see him then even though we broke up?

 

It might have been a reasonable decision but right now it does not feel like this at all. I just wish i never left. Maybe you guys can help me.

[figureitout23]

Now nearly 2 weeks have passed, i am in another city, my internship started and i miss him. Every day i think about him. We barely had contact since our last conversation. Only one time i texted him to tell him how hard it is for me, and he asked whether i arrived safely. Now I don't know what to do. On the one hand i want to contact him, but im afraid that it will make it even harder for both of us. On the other side I am so afraid that we will lose contact completely. All i want is to be with him and get him back but 6 months suddenly seem like a century. What do you think, is it okay to contact him now and then or is it better to wait until im going back. i might visit family in a two months, should i go see him then even though we broke up?

 

It might have been a reasonable decision but right now it does not feel like this at all. I just wish i never left. Maybe you guys can help me.

 

First, I'm sorry you're going through this I'm sure it hurts.

 

Second, look at the bold, it's seems you're idealizing this relationship. If this was a mutually agreed upon break up because you two didn't know one another to put that kind of pressure on yourselves, why are you afraid he will forget you?

 

If this was a mutual deep connection, a, I don't see how you would have that fear and b, long distance for 6 months wouldn't be that big of a deal. Again if the connection was as intense as you say it was.

 

Based on the facts again, I think you're blurring your memory of things because you're missing him and romanticizing/ idealizing a mutually agreed upon 2 month fling. You're In a new town so it's understandable but for your own sanity I'd stay nc

[DanZee]

I don't understand why you would break up the relationship. You're only talking about a gap of six months. You could have continued to text, call, let each other know what they're doing, and how you're missing each other. About 2 or 3 months you could have come back to the city for a visit and caught up with your guy. And then gone back and finish the relationship.

 

Who actually suggested the break up? I mean, I just don't understand it. The typical thing would have been to promise to text every day and call every couple of days. Your boyfriend really suggested it, didn't he? If he did, now the question is totally different. He wanted to end it because he didn't want an absent girlfriend. You were leaving so he couldn't deal with it. Maybe he took it as abandonment. Maybe he just didn't care about you enough. This explains why you miss him so. You didn't break up with him. He broke up with you. And now you're grieving over the relationship and you're not sure you can renew it in sex months when you go back home. The answer might be he's just not that into you and perhaps you should move on. Forget the guy and find a new boyfriend.

[baloo]

sorry for the late reply but maybe you'll still see it.

 

it actually wasnt that simple. Before we met i have been in a long distance relationship for over 3 years and it ended really ugly. After that i was naturally afraid to do this again, even if it was only for half a year. Also we only knew each other for a pretty short time. Under other circumstanced i wouldnt have hesitated to at least try it.

 

But i think you might be right, that i misjudged what i really wanted. And now being here, i realized that this is def not how i want it to be.

 

However after we broke up, i decided that not contacting him all the time would be better - for me and for him. But i catch myself thinking about him every day. Do you think i should reach out to him again at some point? Maybe not now but in a couple of weeks/months?

[Wiseman2]

Why not now? Are you sure he hasn't moved on? If you want to date again all you can do is ask to meet and talk about that.

Do you think i should reach out to him again at some point? Maybe not now but in a couple of weeks/months?