Intimacy Issues

[mollymcdonald]

I have been with my partner for 10 years. We have sex maybe twice a year ( max ) He has ED every time and this discourages him from making any intimate approaches to me. I am absolutely ravaged by wanting to have sex and my eye is wandering as a result of this.

I have spoken to my partner about this and he feels pressured by his lack of performance but won't see a doctor.

We get on very well, we live together , we are best friends. As a result of the lack of sex I feel more like a sibling to him now.

Can relationships like this be saved when you still very much love the person but resent being so intimacy deprived?

Please help with any advice you can.

 

Thank you.

 

Xo

[Hollyj]

Why is he refusing treatment? Is he receptive to an open relationship?

 

I think that he is very selfish not to seek treatment. His ego is more important than you, and he does not give a damn about your needs.

 

If he is not receptive to treatment or your sleeping with other men, then you need to move on from your 'brother.'

[mollymcdonald]

He won't see a doctor because of what I am assuming is male pride. He is not receptive to an open relationship.

Thank you for your honest answer. Certainly food for thought. It's breaking my heart. I am not blowing my own trumpet but guys do hit on me and it makes it even more frustrating because i can't do anything about it. Torture. X

[Hollyj]

If he is unwilling to do anything, then you have no other choice than to leave. So selfish!!!!!!

 

You cannot continue this way. How miserable.

[mollymcdonald]

Thank you. I will bring the topic up with him one more time and at least then he can never say I didn't give him fair chances. It is miserable. There is nothing more miserable than a relationship without intimacy, it is truly soul destroying.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. How long into the relationship did this start? Is there affection, romance and intimacy in other ways? Stop talking about it if he won't go to a doctor. Although ED medications are the largest selling pharmaceuticals of all time, most men would want this fixed for their own sake and to please a partner. Is he stubborn or passive-aggressive in other ways? Make sure the complacency and boredom of living together this long "as roommates" doesn't stop date nights and being romantic. That seems to be part of the problem.

He has ED every time and this discourages him from making any intimate approaches to me. I have spoken to my partner about this and he feels pressured by his lack of performance but won't see a doctor.

[mollymcdonald]

There is definitely affection , romance and intimacy in other ways. He is very kind to me and very obviously loves me. He is just not able to perform in bed. I am ashamed to say this has been happening for about 7 years now. My fault for letting it go on so long I think. He is stubborn in the sense that if I ask him to go he won't go , he will accuse me of "nagging" him. I am scared because my eye is wandering now. When other men come on to me I enjoy the feeling of being wanted because I crave it so much ! You hit the nail on the head using the word room mates. I truly don't know what to do now because it is at the stage I won't initiate anything out of resentment.

[postponednups]

Maybe it is more than just ED, maybe his libido is very low or he has another serious health issue. His health (and yours) should come first, do not cheat on him ... it is not worth the guilt. Break things off first or take a break and take his feelings into consideration.

[mollymcdonald]

Thank you. I am trying to understand all of the possible reasons. I appreciate your direct response and you are right. x

[Wiseman2]

Yes, how old is he?

Maybe it is more than just ED, maybe his libido is very low or he has another serious health issue.

[Hollyj]

If he won't go to the doctor, then what other option do you have? Unbelievable!

[mollymcdonald]

He is 33 yrs old.

[Hollyj]

I thought he was in his 50s. You need to get out of this. You're wasting your life.

 

Do you want kids?

[mollymcdonald]

He is 33 years old.

[mollymcdonald]

I don't want kids, no. I am 32.

[Hollyj]

I don't understand sticking around. He refuses help. Are you going to remain sexless for the next 50 years of your life? Don't you want a more fulfilling relationship?

[thornz]

My Gosh you poor thing. How strange and selfish of him. Is he gay? I can think of no other reason to put up with this for so long and risk his health and love life.

[j.man]

He isn't inclined toward sex. No way in the world I could relate to him, but he's entitled to a slim to non existent libido. That this is the man you've been with 10 years speaks to it now being your problem, not his. If you want sex in your life, the answer is obvious even if not easy.

[ThatwasThen]

There is definitely affection , romance and intimacy in other ways. He is very kind to me and very obviously loves me. He is just not able to perform in bed. I am ashamed to say this has been happening for about 7 years now. My fault for letting it go on so long I think. He is stubborn in the sense that if I ask him to go he won't go , he will accuse me of "nagging" him. I am scared because my eye is wandering now. When other men come on to me I enjoy the feeling of being wanted because I crave it so much ! You hit the nail on the head using the word room mates. I truly don't know what to do now because it is at the stage I won't initiate anything out of resentment.

Have you considered having an open relationship? Surely he doesn't expect you to be celibate just because he is?

[mollymcdonald]

Thank you everyone.

You have given me a lot to think about and some very good persepective on the issue.

I am so grateful. x

[Tomthumb88]

https://www.getroman.com

 

Can be done completely online and is shipped to your door.

[Iratus]

Excuse my ignorance as I'm from the Uk, I had an issue at one point due to anxiety, but going to a dr is nothing to be worried over, I took Cialis for a short time, the stuff is pure rocket fuel and lasts days, easy to get hold of a dr will give out without question really. But as others have also pointed out they can be found online. Thankfully I got other that.