Slowly but surely.

[Dooped1]

One month ago today, I decided enough was enough. I needed to stop the madness I was living in. I went NC. I wasn't sure I could even do it. This was the person I looked forward to speaking with, we had some sort of communication everyday for a year and a half. Looking back now, I am ashamed of myself, yes, ashamed. I had become a willing participant in something so unhealthy that it had skewed my perception of what we really were, the fact that I was his fall back girl. I can't even begin to understand how or WHY I let that happen. After years if being single by choice, I allowed myself to fall in love with the most selfish, self absorbed, immature man I've ever met. Amazing how love can truly blind you to all a person's bad characteristics. Now, 30ty days in, I can see it for what it really was, certainly for what it wasn't. I won't lie and say he doesn't cross my mind, more than he should but less than he did. I've had days where I almost gave in and reached out to him, thinking he's just waiting for me, but I didn't. I recall all the posts I've read here about moving on, healing and NC. The words of encouragement, the amazing advice given by so many who have been where I am now. The hard, ugly truth that's often blocked by people going through the emotional rollercoaster of a break up, and it saved me. Saved me from stepping back into the mess. I feel as if a fog is slowly lifting, I'm gradually seeing things clearly. I'm on my way to finding ME. The damage, the hurt caused by this will eventually fade, however the lesson learned is forever with me. In all my years, I never knew a person who could use people this way, for that I'm lucky, I know. There is still a part of me that hopes he will always have moments when he thinks of me and regrets letting me walk away, even though I know he won't. I always expected him to help me become the best me possible, just not in the way he did it.

#ONEMINUTEATATIME

[pillowsham12]

Glad to hear you are doing well! Keep reminding yourself how much stronger emotionally you have become in these 30 days and always love yourself first before you love anyone else. Keep the mindset that you can find someone out there that will cherish you, love you and understand the great person that you will be and will become

[wgmitch]

Slowly, but Surely!

 

Great title. Everyone on here that is going through a breakup should remember these words. This is a Slow process, but it is Surely the process you must go through. You will Slowly, but Surely get over it and move on to better things.

 

You cannot rush the healing process of a breakup. BUT you will Surely feel better in time.

 

Mitch

[maew]

I love this post so much... and don't be so hard on yourself, my guess is that even though he was selfish etc. he gave you something you needed at the time, which is why you stayed. So recognize what he gave you and see if you can find that (and much more) from yourself and from the next man you give your heart to.

[cristal]

One month ago today, I decided enough was enough. I needed to stop the madness I was living in. I went NC. I wasn't sure I could even do it. This was the person I looked forward to speaking with, we had some sort of communication everyday for a year and a half. Looking back now, I am ashamed of myself, yes, ashamed. I had become a willing participant in something so unhealthy that it had skewed my perception of what we really were, the fact that I was his fall back girl. I can't even begin to understand how or WHY I let that happen. After years if being single by choice, I allowed myself to fall in love with the most selfish, self absorbed, immature man I've ever met. Amazing how love can truly blind you to all a person's bad characteristics. Now, 30ty days in, I can see it for what it really was, certainly for what it wasn't. I won't lie and say he doesn't cross my mind, more than he should but less than he did. I've had days where I almost gave in and reached out to him, thinking he's just waiting for me, but I didn't. I recall all the posts I've read here about moving on, healing and NC. The words of encouragement, the amazing advice given by so many who have been where I am now. The hard, ugly truth that's often blocked by people going through the emotional rollercoaster of a break up, and it saved me. Saved me from stepping back into the mess. I feel as if a fog is slowly lifting, I'm gradually seeing things clearly. I'm on my way to finding ME. The damage, the hurt caused by this will eventually fade, however the lesson learned is forever with me. In all my years, I never knew a person who could use people this way, for that I'm lucky, I know. There is still a part of me that hopes he will always have moments when he thinks of me and regrets letting me walk away, even though I know he won't. I always expected him to help me become the best me possible, just not in the way he did it.

#ONEMINUTEATATIME

 

 

Dooped1, I could have written this post. Are you sure we are not talking about the same dude, lol. I've just ended a year relationship with someone around the end of the year and like your guy, he was the biggest user that I've met in my many years of living. Everything had to be on his terms. I finally got the strength and courage to walk away....but it still hurts to be lied to and to be manipulated like that.

 

I just want to say that I applaud you for finally taking a stand. And you are to be commended to showing self respect and for ripping the mask off his face and reveal the liar and manipulator that he is. Don't beat yourself up for putting up with his selfish behavior. You were in love and you acted like a woman in love. Guys like those have been doing the same thing over and over and they are usually only able to maintain short relationships. So straighten your crown and take whatever lessons you've learned from this unpleasant experience and make a vow to yourself that you will identify the signs early on so that when you run into the next predator, you can cut them off at the sign of the first red flag.

[Dooped1]

Glad to hear you are doing well! Keep reminding yourself how much stronger emotionally you have become in these 30 days and always love yourself first before you love anyone else. Keep the mindset that you can find someone out there that will cherish you, love you and understand the great person that you will be and will become

That's exactly what I'm attempting to do. It's odd when it finally clicks, when you feel yourself getting stronger emotionally. Thank you for your words of encouragement, certainly helps.

[Dooped1]

Slowly, but Surely!

 

Great title. Everyone on here that is going through a breakup should remember these words. This is a Slow process, but it is Surely the process you must go through. You will Slowly, but Surely get over it and move on to better things.

 

You cannot rush the healing process of a breakup. BUT you will Surely feel better in time.

 

Mitch

Very true, it best sums up the way I feel.. I know there is a reason for everything, most of the time we will never be able to see the reason.. moving forward is the only option there is.

[Dooped1]

I love this post so much... and don't be so hard on yourself, my guess is that even though he was selfish etc. he gave you something you needed at the time, which is why you stayed. So recognize what he gave you and see if you can find that (and much more) from yourself and from the next man you give your heart to.

True, I didn't even know I was wanting something until he showed up. Unfortunately, after reading and learning from ENO, he used the common love bombing, bread crumbing techniques I never knew existed until I read about them here. It was classic examples of them. It wasn't that I was special, I was available and naive, which is why I'm hard on myself... I'm old enough to know better than to believe in girlish romantic ideals. I am certainly more aware of the tiny little things now.

[Dooped1]

Dooped1, I could have written this post. Are you sure we are not talking about the same dude, lol. I've just ended a year relationship with someone around the end of the year and like your guy, he was the biggest user that I've met in my many years of living. Everything had to be on his terms. I finally got the strength and courage to walk away....but it still hurts to be lied to and to be manipulated like that.

 

I just want to say that I applaud you for finally taking a stand. And you are to be commended to showing self respect and for ripping the mask off his face and reveal the liar and manipulator that he is. Don't beat yourself up for putting up with his selfish behavior. You were in love and you acted like a woman in love. Guys like those have been doing the same thing over and over and they are usually only able to maintain short relationships. So straighten your crown and take whatever lessons you've learned from this unpleasant experience and make a vow to yourself that you will identify the signs early on so that when you run into the next predator, you can cut them off at the sign of the first red flag.

Kudos to you as well for making the same choice. Sad as it is, seems like so many people play the emotional toying game. I hope that I'll listen to those red flags IF I ever allow myself to test the waters again. I wish you the best of luck, it's certainly a process... like pulling teeth without novocaine... ☺...