Blackcurrent32 Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Hey there, I will try to make this as short as possible as I really do need some advice. Abit of background story on me I am a 23-year-old female, who has had two short-term relationships with both endly badly. My first relationship there was infidelity and cheating it lasted approximately 6 months, this ended 3 years ago. Last year I entered another relationship with a guy, who also was openly unfaithful to me and showed signs of becoming physically abusive so I left in September 2017 after approximately 3 months together. Inbetween my relationships, I have been sleeping with guys on a casual basis without pursuing much more. Ok now for the story at hand, So I met a guy online, we had good online and offline chemistry however we agreed we both wanted something casual and not serious at all. However after we had sex, the guy who I had drinks with, laughed with and told me he was adamant on only having something casual decided to tell me in essence: You give me everything I want, we have a connection. I want to be exclusive with you he later elaborated that he does not want another guy "touching me" and we have a connection (we do have a connection, but connections fade) I agreed that I would not sleep with anyone else other than him, however after the post-orgasm euphoria, I realised what I got myself into. I was in exclusive friends with benefits relationship with a guy I have only spent a week talking to, I barely know him. I started to panic and feel suffocated as I wanted to go with different guys and just be free, so I broke up with him twice within the month however he would talk me out of it, and I would miss his company so we both got back together, of recent we have gone from exclusive friends with benefits to exclusively dating. Now we have been together for two months, however, I am becoming resentful towards him, the more I get to know this guy the more I see that we are horrendously mismatched.Here are a few reasons why: - DRIVE: I want someone driven, but he doesn't seem to want an actual nine to five/any real ambition to better his life and I am extremely driven. - SEX: Our sex life is good, however I feel that he is too into the sex and sees me as an object. When we text he finds ways to talk about sex, and to arrange having sex / meet up to go out which leads to have sex. I love sex, however I just feel that he is more interested in the sex than me, I know relationships based on sex fizzle out very fast as there is no bond other than that keeping two people together. - NO INTEREST IN WHO I AM: I have been trying to open up to him more, however, he does not care about my day, the ins and outs of my life, what goes on in my mind. I can not remember the last time he asked me about my day / how I am? We do have the occasional deep conversation however I have to initate it, and I am doing the most of the talking. When I come home late from a night out, he does make sure I got home alright, but instead he is messaging me how much he wants me. - MONEY: I have been with guys who want to look after me and it makes me feel wanted and loved and I love treating my guy to gifts and meals. On the first date we went half, he does not buy my food, had the ordasity when I went to buy myself some food on "why didn't you ask if I wanted anything?" . We split the bill, if he could have it his way I'd pay for him and myself. I told him, that if this is purely sexual relationship and he just wants sex I am more than happy to take this relationship a step back and not talk as frequently as we do (everyday) and we can still be exclusive friends with benefits however he believes that would kill the vibe and he wants to talk everyday. Quite frankly I don't know if I have commitment issues due to my last two relationships so I am self sabotaging, or I need to kick this guy to the curb once and for all. Thoughts? Thank you for reading and responding X Link to comment
rosephase Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Um... You feel suffocated. You don't like the way he treats you or talks to you. You are growing resentful and you've only been together two months. It sounds like you don't like him at all. You want to be seeing other people. You tried to break up with him multiple times. Why on earth are you staying with him? He sounds un-fun, manipulative (otherwise why are you letting yourself get talked into a relationship you don't want and that doesn't make you feel good?) and uninterested in you as a person. This isn't a commitment issue. This is just you needing to stand up and walk away from a relationship that you don't want. Link to comment
DanZee Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Well, I'm more than willing to believe your problems are with the type of guys you're meeting rather than with yourself. In any event, this guy wants too much. He wants a FWB but he doesn't want you being with other men. That's having your cake and eating it too. He sounds like a selfish narcissist. And he's already showing signs of trying to possess and isolate you. Also apparently he's not promising to remain exclusive for you. I think you need to get rid of this guy. I'm sensing there could be some danger here, especially since he doesn't want to let you go based on you trying to break up with him twice already. Maybe you need to start developing severe migraine headaches, urological infections, long-lasting periods and other ailments so this guy will go away. Be careful. Link to comment
Giblesp Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 He's not doing it for you in the romantic department and you don't want to be just with him. Best to end it. By all means enjoy and be safe with casual sex, but do bear in mind that many men will objectify you in such a situation, as there is a separation between emotions and sexuality in casual encounters. Many women will also objectify men in such situations. Human beings become disposal objects in casual sex, that's the price to be paid, and for some that can have emotional repercussions in future. Do bear this in mind. Keep walking away from anyone with abusive tendencies. Link to comment
Blackcurrent32 Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 I feel that when I break up with him he makes out that I am the one in the wrong, that I am killing the connection, that he feels like he is walking on eggshells with me, that I have a PhD in gaslighting, that I don't really like him, he tries so hard to please me. I mentioned to him the last time I broke up with him, that he spoke too much about sex/felt objectified so he said he would change, he paid for one meal and managed to stop constantly talking about sex for a week and now he is back to his old ways. I end up feeling guilty and letting him back in, and I am wrong for this because I was scared that maybe this is my self-sabotaging my relationships because I just can not form a deep bond Link to comment
Blackcurrent32 Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 Well, I'm more than willing to believe your problems are with the type of guys you're meeting rather than with yourself. In any event, this guy wants too much. He wants a FWB but he doesn't want you being with other men. That's having your cake and eating it too. He sounds like a selfish narcissist. And he's already showing signs of trying to possess and isolate you. Also apparently he's not promising to remain exclusive for you. I think you need to get rid of this guy. I'm sensing there could be some danger here, especially since he doesn't want to let you go based on you trying to break up with him twice already. Maybe you need to start developing severe migraine headaches, urological infections, long-lasting periods and other ailments so this guy will go away. Be careful. Absolutely right, and he does not put any effort. Haha! Long-lasting periods sounds like a good bet. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Absolutely right, and he does not put any effort. Haha! Long-lasting periods sounds like a good bet. Or you can be an adult and tell him you aren't interested in seeing him anymore. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Unfortunately he sounds like a lot of hot air and wants glorified hookups. It sounds like you could do a lot better than this guy. Link to comment
Mikey383 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Sounds to me as he is a narcissist.... One way: His way... He has no empathy for you.... All about himself.... Run!!!!!!!! Link to comment
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