Blowing the whistle or not?

[December12345]

I had a great relationship with my now ex-girlfriend. We met in Budapest and then travelled together to Bangkok, Bali, Barcelona, Munich, Dubai and more cities. It was amazing, so amazing that we decided to enter a long-distance relationship after a year of dating. I am doing my master in England (working extremly hard for it) and she took a job in Dubai as cabin crew member. She is not sure what she wants to do, professionally, and i understand that. Being a stewardess is not a long-term "thing" and most people stop after 1 or 2 years. Dubai is a lonely city for a girl, i know and understand that (she is not happy there). The continious time differences and moving from one hotel room to the next is not something for everybody.

 

We were seeing each other every 2 week or one month to see each other for 24 hours when she flew to city close to mine. It was very difficult for both of us, but we kind of, agreed, that it would be phase that would pass. Fast forward, I was so happy to spend New Year in Vienna with her and then the next 4 days we would have spent in Munich and the mountains to go skying. I was so happy.

 

However, instead, what happened, is that she broke up, litterally 2 hours before New Year. It was heart breaking... I drove 5 hours to Vienna and within the first 20 min. the discussion shifted. It was the longest night. We talked a lot the night we broke up, litterally the whole night in the hotel room, unable to sleep. She told me that she was unable to have relationship and 1.5 years is the longest she could last. (We were about to hit 2 years). She told me i am the best boyfriend she ever had and started crying, telling that she doesn't understand herself but knows this is right. I doesn't make sense ,I told her. I understand that she is not happy in Dubai, but why push a happy relationship away? She didn't know what to answer, only saying that, being alone, and the lonelyness, help her to figure out what she wants.

 

The worst part came later. I had to prepare for my final exams in 2 weeks... I put some time aside for her, thinking we would spend time in Munich together, because it was important to me, but after the breakup, i was unable to focus well. I am writing my exams right now and i am panicking in every single one of them. This is not me. I will get a C's, maybe one B, at best. All my previous grades were A's. This almost certainly will have serious impact on my early professional future.

 

I am so mad, so so mad. I am failing my exams while she is travelling from one place to the next. I worked so hard for this. I put so much effort to get accepting into one of the best universites. Why would you choose such a timing? Why two hours before New Year and why two weeks before my exams? It is difficult to express how mad i am.

 

After the break-up we were, somehow still on good terms, but now, after skyping several times, it changed to ice cold, probably because i still had some hopes for the relationship. I am the nicest guy you can imagine. Loving, affectionate, very polite, carring, and well educated. But my thoughts shifted slowly.

 

Could someone please explain me why am I allowing someone to treat me like this? I thought about it over and over again. My ex-girlfriend has a conditions that disqualifies from taking any job as cabin crew or pilot for that matter and she made a very good job of hidding it. I can't help but thinking just to blow the whistle and move on. One part of me tells me this is wrong, the other part just thinks "why would you let people treat you like that?"

 

Please advise.

[Gabriella33]

She has a right to make the decision to no longer be with you, whatever her reason is. You two are not married. Dating is deciding if you are right for each other. Most people have several relationships before they find the right person. For whatever reason, she doesn't want to be in this relationship. Be thankful that she was honest with you and that she did not hurt you more by cheating on you because she did not want to be in a relationship. I would have, however, waited until after your exams to tell you. But it is what it is. Move on and find a woman who wants to be with you. Let her go as she so wishes. Don't be vindictive and whistle blow on her.

[DanZee]

Well, no, you don't blow the whistle on her, and she did tell you she just couldn't last any longer in a long-distance relationship. She needs a real boyfriend. As a stewardess she probably gets a lot of offers for dates and maybe she has someone she wants to date but didn't want to cheat on you. You didn't say how much longer you would be going to school. I guess she was not willing to out her life on hold any longer. Try the best you can to get over her.

[Clio]

Don't blow the whistle. It won't fix anything. The timing was unfortunate but it was not intended. Unfortunately, life doesn't follow schedules and it won't be the last time that something stressful happens at an inconvenient time. You need to do the best you can with the hand you ve been dealt. English universities usually have support in place for students and students are assigned to a specific staff member whom they can ask for advice (they used to be called Tutors in my time). Seek out your tutor and ask whether there is anything that can be done about circumstances such as yours.

[December12345]

She has a right to make the decision to no longer be with you, whatever her reason is. You two are not married. Dating is deciding if you are right for each other. Most people have several relationships before they find the right person. For whatever reason, she doesn't want to be in this relationship. Be thankful that she was honest with you and that she did not hurt you more by cheating on you because she did not want to be in a relationship. I would have, however, waited until after your exams to tell you. But it is what it is. Move on and find a woman who wants to be with you. Let her go as she so wishes. Don't be vindictive and whistle blow on her.

 

I understand and I see that not all relationships will work. But emotions aside, none of this makes up for the timing and the manner. Why would I, or why would you, allow someoneone to screw you up like this?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but blaming her for your poor grades and attempting to be spiteful doesn't sounds like "the nicest guy you can imagine. Loving, affectionate, very polite, carring, and well educated". It sounds jealous and immature. Any attempt at undermining her job will just get you laughed at and easily identified as a jilted lover. You could stew about this blaming her etc. or you could move on and study more.

I am failing my exams while she is travelling from one place to the next. I can't help but thinking just to blow the whistle and move on. One part of me tells me this is wrong, the other part just thinks "why would you let people treat you like that?"

[Everlong13]

Sorry to hear this but blaming her for your poor grades and attempting to be spiteful doesn't sounds like "the nicest guy you can imagine. Loving, affectionate, very polite, carring, and well educated". It sounds jealous and immature. Any attempt at undermining her job will just get you laughed at and easily identified as a jilted lover. You could stew about this blaming her etc. or you could move on and study more.

 

This. It's really horrible getting your heart broken but you need to focus on your studies and keep some dignity here.

[rosephase]

I understand and I see that not all relationships will work. But emotions aside, none of this makes up for the timing and the manner. Why would I, or why would you, allow someoneone to screw you up like this?

 

What "manor" would have worked better for you. She did it in person. She made a lot of time so you could talk it through. And your in school... it's always weeks away from finals, or a test, or a holiday. It's not her fault that this is effecting you the way it is. You are not "allowing" her to "screw you". You are dealing with a break up. She was doing her best to end a relationship when it's over (which is kind and hard) and you want to hurt her because of it. Your grades are your issue. Maybe if you spent more time focusing on school instead of fantasizing about hurting someone that you supposedly loved, you wouldn't see your grades drop.

 

In grad school I had better and worse quarters. A lot of that was because of drama in an unhealthy relationship I was in. I didn't blame and punish my partner. I dealt with the fact that hard things make everything harder... that's life. Who you are, isn't you on the easiest day of your life. Who you are, is who you become when you are hurt and things aren't going your way. Life is full of pain, loss and failure. How you handle those times is who you are. And you blame others for your failures and desire to hurt people you blame. So maybe you should work on that. Or rethink your self definition as a nice kind guy.

[juliarmumford]

After the break-up we were, somehow still on good terms, but now, after skyping several times, it changed to ice cold, probably because i still had some hopes for the relationship. I am the nicest guy you can imagine. Loving, affectionate, very polite, carring, and well educated. But my thoughts shifted slowly.

 

Could someone please explain me why am I allowing someone to treat me like this? I thought about it over and over again. My ex-girlfriend has a conditions that disqualifies from taking any job as cabin crew or pilot for that matter and she made a very good job of hidding it. I can't help but thinking just to blow the whistle and move on. One part of me tells me this is wrong, the other part just thinks "why would you let people treat you like that?"

 

Please advise.

 

If you are "the nicest guy you can imagine," why would you want to get someone you love (or used to love) in trouble? Everyone has mean thoughts, but you are taking to discussing your plan with this forum because you are seriously considering it. That is not okay.

 

I guarantee she did not break up with you at the time she did because she wanted you to fail your finals. When someone decides they want to break up, many times they feel like it needs to be done instantly because they might wimp out or they just don't think it's fair to keep a facade going. I know it hurts, and you can be upset, but she did nothing wrong. She had every right to break up with you, and it actually seems to me that aside from the timing she did it in a very respectful way. If you are as nice of a person as you say you are, you would regret attempting to blow the whistle on her and you don't need to feel guilt on top of the pain of heartbreak.

 

Move on and let her go respectfully, as she did to you. Emotions are clouding your judgement right now, but really, the timing is not something she did maliciously and soon, you will see that.

[Reyhoney]

If you really want to do good on your exams and motivated to excel in your career and your future you wouldn’t have said these things. Someone motivated to achieve big things doesn’t let a breakup get in the way of it. Sure, if you’re a weak person yes, but let her ruin everything and you just sit watching helplessly? Use it as fuel to succeed so when you’re rich and successful oneday, she’d feel so stupid to let you go.

 

Is she an awful person? Probably, but people do awful selfish things when we are scared. We stop seeing light. We stop thinking clearly. If you wanna do that to yourself, go ahead, but if you let others have that sort of power over your life, then you may as well give up now.

 

This is Russian roulette, and you’d be damned if you don’t change the cards you’re playing now.