sbranch12 Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 I'm a pretty intuitive person, and not super jealous. But something in me told me to look at his messages between him and his ex. So I did. They have 2 children together which I know about but in these messages he made me seem like a non-event who didn't even know About them. He has always painted her to be this psycho who he doesn't get along with but these messages said differently. I mean there were a few arguments too, but the part that hurt me the most was the part where she was asking him to bring me to meet the kids this summer and he said no... because who knows where we'll be in 2 months, And that I know nothing about that situation anyways. Bare in mind we've been living together for a while and have been dating almost a year... She actually came across really cool and nice and he was the one making us seem just like a casual thing whereas to my face he tells me how he wants a family with me some day and how if he wasn't with the mother of his kids he wouldn't want to have any more, until he met me. Now I believe none of that. What do you make of this? Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 He's most likely not sure he sees a long future with you. If this is true, it explains not bringing you around his kids. The other thing is that he tells you she's crazy. If you meet, sounds like you will find out otherwise. Maybe he's hiding something bigger here. Beware of a man who says his ex or all his exes are crazy. Link to comment
rosephase Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Well it mostly proves he's telling you and her different things. And that you don't trust him enough to leave his personal stuff alone. And he's lying to you about her. That's a long list of reasons not to be in this relationship. Link to comment
sbranch12 Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 Thanks SweetGirl! I thought the same, but then why say all these lovely things to my face and make me feel like he's really interested in a future? Yeah, he says he'd love to have a cordial relationship with her but sounds like they Already do and he's making it difficult.. My trust for him is going Link to comment
sbranch12 Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 Well when you put it like that... !! Yeah you're right. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 If there's enough distrust for you to go through his messages...the writing is on the wall already. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Go with your gut feeling on this before you involve yourself any deeper with him. Hes probably saying what he does to keep you there, because he's comfortable at the moment. I can't predict if he will wake up one day and say he no longer wants to be with you, maybe he needs a ton more time to figure it out. But I can predict that if he keeps you feeling like you're hidden, you will get angry and resentful and bail out anyway. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 So back in June he pretended not to get the text where you got "emotional" and told him you want kids after he said he didn't want any more. And you hadn't heard from him after that. Did he come back later and say yes, he for sure does want more kids? Link to comment
DanZee Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Well, he could be telling both of you what he thinks you want to hear. He does have to keep on good terms with the ex so he can see the kids. He wants to keep on good terms with you because he's living with you. How he really feels is probably somewhere between the two points of view. Link to comment
sbranch12 Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 He did! He says I'm the one who changed his mind about that... hmm. Link to comment
sbranch12 Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 Yeah that sounds pretty spot on DanZee Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Well, he could be telling both of you what he thinks you want to hear. He does have to keep on good terms with the ex so he can see the kids. He wants to keep on good terms with you because he's living with you. How he really feels is probably somewhere between the two points of view. Ya, but she said the baby mama seems cool. And he's cordial to her, but claims otherwise to his gf. He talks from both sides of his mouth. Smells like deceit to me. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 The fact that he's living with you, after only dating for less than a year raises a red flag, (imo). No offense, but what were you thinking? Either way, I'm sure there's much more to him than what you're being told. Also, in a legal sense you may possibly have a problem getting him out of your residence. At this time, getting rid of him should be your #1 priority before more things come out of the wood work. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 My ex always told me HIS ex was a "psycho". But I found out he was actually still sleeping with her and that she spent nights with him when I wasn't there. He'd been telling her that he'd been trying to get rid of me but I just wouldn't leave him alone. And he told yet ANOTHER woman he was seeing the same thing; that he wanted me gone but I just wouldn't leave. All while saying "I love you" to me. How far away does your boyfriend's ex live? Link to comment
rosephase Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Well, he could be telling both of you what he thinks you want to hear. He does have to keep on good terms with the ex so he can see the kids. He wants to keep on good terms with you because he's living with you. How he really feels is probably somewhere between the two points of view. Telling people what they want to hear is really not great for long term relationships. I agree that's probably what he's doing. But lying to his current partner about the state of his relationship with his ex is... well it's lying and it's not trusting the OP and it's avoiding reality to smooth things over (while assuming he knows what would smooth things over the OP might be just fine with him having a good relationship with his ex). And either lying to his ex or lying to his girlfriend about the state of his current relationship? That's just mean. It's deeply disrespectful to his current relationship, it doesn't matter which way he is lying. The point being that this is a man who will lie about important things and hide in order to avoid conflict. Or he's a man who lies to himself and has no idea what he really wants. Either way, he's not ready to be in a committed relationship. Link to comment
sbranch12 Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 She lives about 3000km away, thanks for your input! I appreciate you all. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 She lives about 3000km away, thanks for your input! I appreciate you all. How often do you two see the kids? Link to comment
sbranch12 Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 I've never met them but he goes back every 4-6 months! Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Please tell me you are he are moving out and please tell me you have stopped sleeping with him unless you use three forms of birth control - you don't want to end up being tied to this guy as another "baby momma". Also, if he has two kids with this woman, why does he or you disrespect her by calling her that? She is not someone he had a one night stand with and an oops. She is his ex wife or ex girlfriend and the mother of his kids that he loved at one time. She is not some random one night stand. I find the "baby momma" term so demeaning...and for another woman to use it. If he uses it, than that shows what lack of respect he has, but if another woman does it to another woman....well i shake my head Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 also, are you comfortable being with a man who lives so far away from his kids? I would want to be with a guy who cannot stand not to be in his children's life so moves to a reasonable distance (unless the mother has remarried and her husband is in the military and moves a lot so it would be hard to follow) Link to comment
sbranch12 Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 It's just a term people use, it's not meant as a term of disrespect! Link to comment
sbranch12 Posted January 24, 2018 Author Share Posted January 24, 2018 I know Right, always something myself and my friends have questioned. Really makes me wonder if he told me the truth about the reason he left. Link to comment
MamaBear0312 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 I agree with DanZee, that he might be saying what he thinks you both want to hear. Maybe he “thinks” she’ll be jealous of your relationship and will try to keep the kids from him. Maybe he “thinks” it’s a bad idea if you girls met and so tries to paint her as a bad guy. Maybe she isn’t. And maybe he just isn’t ready to make a permanent decision about your relationship yet. But that doesn’t mean you have to sit back and wait on him. I wouldn’t advise you tell him you went through his messages, but try to bring up the situation without admitting it; maybe just that you think it’s time to meet his kids and baby mama. Hear him out on his explanation as to why not and then have the convo. But don’t allow this to go on forever. At some point, he’ll have to admit something to someone and you have a right to move on to be happy with an honest person who has nothing to hide on any part. Good luck! Link to comment
sbranch12 Posted January 24, 2018 Author Share Posted January 24, 2018 Thanks so much! This is really great advice. Link to comment
thorough Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 Funny thing I discovered, when a guy calls his ex psycho and paints her out to be, somehow he stays attached to her. Link to comment
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