jackie103 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 My friends (who also happen to be my coworkers) are constantly talking about all the different guys they are talking to, dating, or different guys that have asked them out. I do have guys talking to me/asking me out as well but I just dont feel the need to share that stuff since I know it's not going anywhere and its really not a big deal. I feel like because I don't talk about guys chasing me all the time, they feel the need to encourage me to date guys or find guys for me, which is honestly extremely annoying to me. One of my coworkers is even more annoying about this... she told me to "save some time" this weekend because she has a plan, and refused to tell me what it was. I later found out from someone else that her plan was to find a guy for me. Like no, I don't want or need you to find anyone for me... and the fact that she was shady about it bothers me even more. I got out of a near 3 year relationship a little over a year ago (although i fell back with the ex over the summer and then things ended again). I'm just now starting to feel really good about being single and alone and I just have no desire to go out and date whatsoever. I am on dating apps just to browse but I never want to go out with any of the guys that ask me out because at this point, it's just too exhausting for me to meet guy after guy with the same chit chat... I did a lot of dating right after my breakup and now I'm just sick of it and am perfectly content being alone. I recently told them about this guy who asked me out on tinder and I told them that I probably wasn't going to go out with this person because I just don't want to and that its too exhausting for me. They kept pushing and pushing, and then the one coworker sent a picture of another guy, asking if I thought he was attractive... the other coworker responded "is this for jackie103?" and she said yes. At that point I was already annoyed from all the pushing beforehand so I told her that I don't want anyone and to leave me alone. That may have done the trick, but I'm sure they're going to bring it up again. I dont understand why everyone feels like they should help me or have input into my dating life. I'm 23, I really do not want to feel pressured or be told what to do and it's really starting to get on my nerves, hence this rant. I dont think my coworkers understand that I don't constantly need that attention from guys and that I'm fine being alone... I just dont know how to clearly get my message across without getting extremely angry or sounding like i'm just saying all this stuff about being single and content just to make myself feel better because I feel like that's one of the classic lines single and lonely people say to make themselves feel better. Link to comment
ImokIthink Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 I think your friends are just finding ways to uplift you somewhat and I don't think their intentions are bad. They've probably been in the same predicament and therefore know how it feels and maybe that's how they cope with their breakup. It's not that they don't respect your choice to not date or be left alone, they rather see you happy and if happiness to them mean going on dates or entertaining randoms. Think about it if they were in the same boat you would probably suggest somewhat similar scenarios to get them thru the stage of feeling sad, lonely, pain, and disappointed. Even if you don't see the need of going out with any of their hookups just entertain their ideas/suggestion if doing so means they're willing to leave you alone, if you do. Sometimes when friends are so used to seeing you happy and lively they always want that even when you rather feel pain for a brief moment. I can somewhat relate to how you're feeling, its been five months since my relationship of almost three years ended and I haven't even gone out yet. I just work and exercise, read and entertain myself with lots of comedy videos. Yet everyone suggest I go out and meet people and that's the last thing I have in mind. Being your friends are also your coworkers I see how frustrating that can be. Have you ever consider feeding into their bs briefly as a trade of for some silence and a peace of mind? Link to comment
jackie103 Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 I think your friends are just finding ways to uplift you somewhat and I don't think their intentions are bad. They've probably been in the same predicament and therefore know how it feels and maybe that's how they cope with their breakup. It's not that they don't respect your choice to not date or be left alone, they rather see you happy and if happiness to them mean going on dates or entertaining randoms. Think about it if they were in the same boat you would probably suggest somewhat similar scenarios to get them thru the stage of feeling sad, lonely, pain, and disappointed. Even if you don't see the need of going out with any of their hookups just entertain their ideas/suggestion if doing so means they're willing to leave you alone, if you do. Sometimes when friends are so used to seeing you happy and lively they always want that even when you rather feel pain for a brief moment. I can somewhat relate to how you're feeling, its been five months since my relationship of almost three years ended and I haven't even gone out yet. I just work and exercise, read and entertain myself with lots of comedy videos. Yet everyone suggest I go out and meet people and that's the last thing I have in mind. Being your friends are also your coworkers I see how frustrating that can be. Have you ever consider feeding into their bs briefly as a trade of for some silence and a peace of mind? I told them about this guy asking me out to try to get them off my back to show them that yes, I do have options... that was my way of feeding into their bs haha. but I have not told them about my previous relationship. One of them knows, but nothing too detailed like how long ago the relationship was or how long the relationship lasted. I met these two in July when I first started working at this company and we just started all getting closer in the beginning of November, and i'm a pretty private person so they dont know much about my past relationships Link to comment
ImokIthink Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Well then that explains why they're hassling you, coworkers are some nosy folks and judging from their behaviors and what you've described they may just be attempting to get you to open up about your private life. Hint, the need to constantly mention the amount of guys they're entertaining and you shouldn't feel at leisure to discuss anything with anyone you don't feel comfortable with. I think you need to politely address that if they're happy with entertaining multiple guys then you're happy for them and therefore they need to show similar understanding and consideration and respect the fact that you too are happy just being alone even if they find it hard to believe. Link to comment
Keyman Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Many people feel that the only way to succeed in life is to be dating, being in a relationship or be married. They can often not understand that you can be happy alone and not chasing this society imposed norm. A lot of women build their self esteem based upon what guys are hitting on them, asking them out, pursuing them etc. Those women can think that since you are not dating, your self esteem must be low, so they are trying to be helpful by getting you dates. I think your co-workers are just trying to be helpful. The hard part will be getting across to them that you don't want the same as they do right now. This could see them getting all uptight because 'they were just trying to help'. You just have to find a way to stand up to their scrutiny without coming across the wrong way. Perhaps learn to deflect their suggestions on you back at them... 'Oh, I don't need any help, but tell me more about this guy you have been dating' etc... Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Why don't you TELL them? Tell them that you appreciate their concern, but that you do not feel like dating, now. You should also not be telling them about your Tinder dates, if you do not want them to continue. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Don't talk about your personal life this much at work. If they ask just say, 'I'm getting out a lot', smile, then change the subject. Stop talking about tinder, your breakup, your dating life, etc. When you drag them in like that it invites them to try to fix you up, cheer you up, whatever.MI recently told them about this guy who asked me out on tinder and I told them that I probably wasn't going to go out with this person because I just don't want to and that its too exhausting for me. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Why don't you TELL them? Tell them that you appreciate their concern, but that you do not feel like dating, now. You should also not be telling them about your Tinder dates, if you do not want them to continue. Best advice right here. Link to comment
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