My girlfriend and I broke up and I want to get her back please help

[luvscars123]

Hey, so my girlfriend and I had been together for almost two years on and off and we go to the same school now. In the past few months we have had our bumpy patches and more fights. We have broken up twice but for very short periods of time... a day or two. The last time we did we promised each other this was our last chance because it is unhealthy. We honestly do have a very strong bond and are in love, I just overreact and e have our issues like any other couple. We're young.

 

Anyways, around 4 days ago we got into a heated fight. Here's a quick break down.. I saw a message from a guy friend and said she should open it in front of me.. (I am trying to accept my faults and describe this in her eyes to so..) perhaps I came off as upset or jealous but that's what I said. She didn't agree she should have to and walked away. We began to argue about it and I left for a while and eventually come back with some stuff. I questioned her again about what the conversation was about and she said is was trivial and very short. I can read her body language very easily so I knew she was lying. I asked more questions and she continued to lie saying there was no more conversation to see but finally admitted she had texted her girl-friend that I got "upset" her guy-friend messaged her. I was upset at the fact my girlfriend told her girl-friend that and she told that guy-friend who messaged her. Still suspicious, I stupidly read the conversation on her personal belonging to confirm my suspicion. The convo was between my girlfriend and her girl-friend and it was saying "delete the conversation your boyfriend can't see it" and so on.. It went on to say that the guy-friend who messaged my girlfriend was actually bad mouthing me to her. I got super upset and exposed her and she got my belongings and I left very quickly. I was shocked she fabricated it and allowed it. The only problem is she was saying she agrees it is suspicious in the convo and she can't control what someone says to her. Either way both of us were wrong in handling this..

 

Fast forward, we haven't talked for 4 days following. We have unfollowed each other on social media and have had no contact since. I know that we still love eachother because we share a strong relationship and it was nothing detrimental like cheating. What I want to ask is how should I approach her? I was thinking about sending a message explaining I want to return her belongings and to talk briefly to be on good terms. I was initially going to do that tomorrow, so 5 days since. But I am reading stuff about the no contact rule? Should I wait a few more days? I want to explain to her yes maybe we shouldn't be together at the moment, but I am going to work extremely hard on myself so maybe there is a chance we get back together in a month or even a few? Or to be friends at the moment like taking it slow, but occasionally hanging out and talking like once every two weeks. I just know she has my heart but I'm worried her friends have turned her against me and last time we said it was our last chance. Do I have any hope in salvaging this if I truly explain that yes we need a break but I will work on myself very hard.. etc

 

Any help is greatly appreciated

 

ps. I don't want to wait too long because her birthday is in two weeks and I want to be able to wish her a happy birthday.

[DanZee]

Oh, boy! You are manipulative and controlling. You are emotionally abusive. And you had no right to see anything that was on your phone. Plus you had broken up. She would have been within her right to get a restraining order on you for harassment! Have someone else give her her stuff back and stay away from her. It's over. You need to get some counselling to control your anger and your jealousy. You do not deserve to be in a relationship until you can rejoin the human race and learn how to treat women.

[No1]

What exactly are your plans to work hard on yourself? You have jealousy, power, control, self esteem issues and you think all that is going to be fixed in a month? How exactly are you going to do this?

You asked about the No Contact (NC) rule so I will explain what the consensus is. NC is used at a tool to give you space and time to work on yourself and move forward. Its not meant to be used as a bargaining tool, not used for passive aggressiveness, not used to win or get anyone back. Its meant for you to step back/away from a situation for you to focus on you.

What exactly do you have to wait another few days to explain? You two broke up already. Your jealousy/control issues are detrimental and can be just as bad as cheating. You really think your GF loved living on eggs shells in fear of your temper? Do you think she was happy to see you explode and get mad? Understand that you put her thru hell sometimes with your faults and you are worries about wishing her happy birthday in a few weeks. Have you thought that maybe she doesn't want to hear from you in two weeks?

You are young and these are the times you learn about yourself. One of them is learning how to let go. You two broke up, and its time that she must go out and be happy and possibly find someone who will treat her better than you have been treating her. Love is not the answer to all problems.

 

So, what are your plans to fix your faults?

[MissCanuck]

This relationship is just not mature or sustainable, OP.

 

She appears to be over it, to be honest. And it sounds like that's for the best if this is the third break-up. It doesn't matter if the previous break-ups were short; the point is that you two lack the solid foundation needed for a healthy relationship.

 

I think you've both reached the end of the line on this one.

[dave4443]

I don't think it's fair to jump on OP too hard since we don't know either of them and I've seen situations like this where the guy seems like the bad guy for acting the way he does but the girl is just as bad but cleverer in hiding it from others and everyone will take their side. Hell it happened to me

 

It doesn't sound healthy though that's true the best thing would probably be for a longer break to actually decide if it's worth it? There are probably reasons you don't trust her, it could be the way she acts or it could be something to do with you since you say you're young we've all had out jealous crazy days it's something you have to go through to grow.

 

If you want just message, the no contact thing doesn't really work to get someone back most of the time so screw it and message, if she doesn't want to get back then leave with dignity and then no contact

[Morello]

Oh, boy! You are manipulative and controlling. You are emotionally abusive. And you had no right to see anything that was on your phone. Plus you had broken up. She would have been within her right to get a restraining order on you for harassment! Have someone else give her her stuff back and stay away from her. It's over. You need to get some counselling to control your anger and your jealousy. You do not deserve to be in a relationship until you can rejoin the human race and learn how to treat women.

 

Sorry, but this was a bit harsh, no? I didn't see anything there that would justify a restraining order. He's not harassing her. He was jealous and made a mistake and she was probably right to break up but I don't see a reason to say what you just said to people in a situation like that. "Rejoin the human race" was way out of line.