Is he comfortable with me or losing interest?

[superme]

Hi all.

 

Ive been dating my boyf for 3months. In the beginning he was all over me and stuffs. Recently he had been really busy and stressed because of work and he is not as attentive and sweet towards me anymore.

Texts has gotten so much lesser; including those sweet stuffs like "i love you, i miss you". He will now take awhile to respond to texts. Sometimes i see him on fb instead of replying me when he is at work.

But most of the time he will start a short convo, sharing w me his issues at work or he is gonna have lunch break.

 

When we meet, he doesnt look into my eyes anymore unless when i am talking.

When he was staying over at my place (he stays over on his off days), he would prefer to do this own things like fb, games instead of spending some quality time with me? I feel so disconnected.

 

I am getting alot of mixed signals.

Some of his actions showed that he loves me EG brought me to carnival w his friends, tried his best to get a staycation room for new year countdown, paying for meals etc .

Some of these as mentioned above, shows that he cares for me lesser?

 

Please help :(

[DanZee]

I would guess that he's depressed. His work life is probably intruding on his personal life. At this point, instead of pulling away from him, you've got to take the lead in the relationship. Keep telling him how much you love him. Take him out or get him to go walking, exercise, go to more events like the carnival (that probably perked him up). This is the time to show him you love him. You want to get him out of his funk. See if you can get him to talk. This is the time to support him.

[reinventmyself]

3 months is typically a time that one reevaluates their new relationship.

The high of infatuation has worn off and it's either the time the relationship turns a corner and becomes more substantial or one or both parties begin recognize that the relationship isn't going

to go any further.

It's hard to maintain that level of contact you once had in the beginning and things settle down into a routine.

He may be having second thoughts as well.

The best thing you can go is to keep busy, remain open, positive and don't chase him.

[superme]

I would guess that he's depressed. His work life is probably intruding on his personal life. At this point, instead of pulling away from him, you've got to take the lead in the relationship. Keep telling him how much you love him. Take him out or get him to go walking, exercise, go to more events like the carnival (that probably perked him up). This is the time to show him you love him. You want to get him out of his funk. See if you can get him to talk. This is the time to support him.

 

I think he is very stressed.

does saying i love you to him often works? will this come off as desperate or needy?

 

Can I say that him being distant away has nothing to do with me?

Because previously we had many small arguments and he hated it. We had “the talk” and he mentioned that he doesn’t see a future for us because of the consistent argument. Ultimately he told me that he still wants to be with me. So i changed for good and didn’t really have argument. not sure if this affects him being distant?

[superme]

3 months is typically a time that one reevaluates their new relationship.

The high of infatuation has worn off and it's either the time the relationship turns a corner and becomes more substantial or one or both parties begin recognize that the relationship isn't going

to go any further.

It's hard to maintain that level of contact you once had in the beginning and things settle down into a routine.

He may be having second thoughts as well.

The best thing you can go is to keep busy, remain open, positive and don't chase him.

 

how would i know if he has second thoughts about our relationship?

if doing little things like buying his fav choc; showing him more love.. does this considered as chasing him?

[Wiseman2]

The sweet stuff does tend to taper off somewhat after time. Stop letting him stay at your place. Let him take you out on dates. He should not be hanging out at your place doing this.

When he was staying over at my place (he stays over on his off days), he would prefer to do this own things like fb, games instead of spending some quality time with me?

[reinventmyself]

how would i know if he has second thoughts about our relationship?

if doing little things like buying his fav choc; showing him more love.. does this considered as chasing him?

It's hard to say if it's just a normal progression of a relationship where things taper off from the high you were both on -or- it's him pulling away.

It's rarely a good idea to move in on someone who's creating space and if he is, yes, chocolates and affection may feel like pressure or chasing.

What would happen if you didn't do anything?

[thorough]

I would let go a little and see what happens. When dating kind of crappy guys, this did start to happen and I believed that those things tapered off. I now believe that now that those things shouldn't really change for long periods of time. My bf and I have been going for a little while and the sweet stuff has not tapered off. I know a lot of couples who have been married 30+ years where the sweet stuff isn't gone. Idk after bad experiences, I'm wary of change in habits.

[Hollyj]

Couples will occasionally argue. That is normal. If you feel that you are walking on eggshells, then you should reevaluate.

[Imho]

I think he is very stressed.

does saying i love you to him often works? will this come off as desperate or needy?

 

Can I say that him being distant away has nothing to do with me?

Because previously we had many small arguments and he hated it. We had “the talk” and he mentioned that he doesn’t see a future for us because of the consistent argument. Ultimately he told me that he still wants to be with me. So i changed for good and didn’t really have argument. not sure if this affects him being distant?

 

It always upset me when people choose to overlook what was said to them or think they can change someone's mind.

 

You stated that he said "he doesn't see a future" with you. He says he still wants to be with you. Is that until he finds someone with whom he does see a future?

 

You can tell he is ignoring your texts while he is on fb, he's texting you less, doesn't look you in the eye anymore, he prefers to do his own thing instead of spending quality time with you while he is at your place......all of that plus he stated he doesn't see a future with you.... I don't think its due to him being comfortable after 3 months of dating.

[Hollyj]

Good point ^^^^^^

 

He told you that there is no "future." Why are you sticking around? You are a placeholder.

[superme]

It always upset me when people choose to overlook what was said to them or think they can change someone's mind.

 

You stated that he said "he doesn't see a future" with you. He says he still wants to be with you. Is that until he finds someone with whom he does see a future?

 

 

You can tell he is ignoring your texts while he is on fb, he's texting you less, doesn't look you in the eye anymore, he prefers to do his own thing instead of spending quality time with you while he is at your place......all of that plus he stated he doesn't see a future with you.... I don't think its due to him being comfortable after 3 months of dating.

 

the situation was that we are supposed to go to thailand in march for a friend wedding. but i have been flaring up at him for random small issues that he is about to explode already. so he said that didn’t really want to book the trip cause dunno when i will flare up again then will break up.

 

with all these being said; i changed a lot and he brought me to meet his relatives and introduced me just two weeks back.