Hollyj Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I have been attracted to people in the past -even dated a few times - then became good friends (like brother figures). I think you are being silly about this, and need to address this, or you will carry it into all of your relationships. Seek counseling, if necessary. This is your deal. They have done nothing wrong. THEY ARE ONLY FRIENDS! He likes you, not her. Why not deal with your stuff, instead of excusing your behavior on your childhood. I am not trying to be unsympathetic, but you can see how your behavior impacts your life. You are an adult now, and will have to learn how to work through things. Do you have girlfriends and a social life? Link to comment
Chaeryoung Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 I have been attracted to people in the past -even dated a few times - then became good friends (like brother figures). I think you are being silly about this, and need to address this, or you will carry it into all of your relationships. Seek counseling, if necessary. This is your deal. They have done nothing wrong. THEY ARE ONLY FRIENDS! He likes you, not her. Why not deal with your sh&t, instead of excusing your behavior on your childhood. You are an adult now, and will have to learn how to work through things. Do you have girlfriends and a social life? Not really.. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Not really.. I thought so. If you expanded your life, you would feel more content. Have you tried Meet ups, volunteering, or looking into groups that support your interests. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Is he your only friend? What things do you do for fun as an individual? Link to comment
Chaeryoung Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 I thought so. If you expanded your life, you would feel more content. Have you tried Meet ups, volunteering, or looking into groups that support your interests. I will try doing these things. Thank you for your advice and for being straighforward with me. Link to comment
Chaeryoung Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 Is he your only friend? What things do you do for fun as an individual? Not many things...University and home,and vice-versa. Reading in my free-time..but that's all. Kind of a boring life,I know. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Why don't you make you life more full. I agree, you have chosen a boring life. You need to make an effort to have friends. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Maybe you're just envious because he has friends and you don't? You can fix that. Meet people and make some friends. I'm sure your school has lots of clubs and activities. Join some! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I will try doing these things. Thank you for your advice and for being straighforward with me. I'm certain that you are a great girl. You are missing out on so much!!! A common theme I see on here with women that get into bad relationships - I'm not saying that with your guy - is that they have NO life outside of their man, which results in them being in unhealthy relationships, due on to their dependence on their partner. When we have a full life, we are more self assured and have more to offer those close, and most importantly, ourselves. I am speaking from experience. Please make an effort to expand your social life. It does wonder for your self esteem, and is very fulfilling. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 You've mentioned that he has other female friends as well. Do you feel threatened by them too or just this one in particular? Link to comment
Chaeryoung Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 I'm certain that you are a great girl. You are missing out on so much!!! A common theme I see on here with women that get into bad relationships - I'm not saying that with your guy - is that they have NO life outside of their man, which results in them being in unhealthy relationships, due on to their dependence on their partner. When we have a full life, we are more self assured and have more to offer those close, and most importantly, ourselves. I am speaking from experience. Please make an effort to expand your social life. It does wonder for your self esteem, and is very fulfilling. I will do these,I know I must. Thank you again,you made me think better about my current situation and your words really touched me. Link to comment
Chaeryoung Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 You've mentioned that he has other female friends as well. Do you feel threatened by them too or just this one in particular? Just by this girl Link to comment
Chaeryoung Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 Maybe you're just envious because he has friends and you don't? You can fix that. Meet people and make some friends. I'm sure your school has lots of clubs and activities. Join some! No,I'm really not. I just need to do what you,guys,tell me to do. Going out and making new friends. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I will do these,I know I must. Thank you again,you made me think better about my current situation and your words really touched me. Good luck!!! It is life changing!!!!! Link to comment
sammy1592 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Honestly, it sounds to me like you both may be too emotionally immature for a serious relationship. Because it sounds like he can't make up his mind about how he feels toward this girl or you, and you can't decide if you want to trust him or not. Sounds like you're toxic to each other. Link to comment
Chaeryoung Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 Honestly, it sounds to me like you both may be too emotionally immature for a serious relationship. Because it sounds like he can't make up his mind about how he feels toward this girl or you, and you can't decide if you want to trust him or not. Sounds like you're toxic to each other. Interesting answer. It may be true and it also crossed my mind. What makes you believe that he can't make up his mind? Link to comment
sammy1592 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Well the fact that he cited her sexual history as the reason for not wanting to be with her, but then later defended that part of her life as if it didn't matter. And you also mentioned that he comments on her social media pictures where she's dressed in revealing clothes, which to me is always a red flag. And he compared your physical appearance to hers, which honestly should be the last thing he's concerned about when making a decision about who to be with. The two of you have already broken up over this before, and it sounds like it's going to continue to be a problem. If it's driving you both this crazy, I just have to wonder if it's really worth it. Link to comment
Chaeryoung Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 Well the fact that he cited her sexual history as the reason for not wanting to be with her, but then later defended that part of her life as if it didn't matter. And you also mentioned that he comments on her social media pictures where she's dressed in revealing clothes, which to me is always a red flag. And he compared your physical appearance to hers, which honestly should be the last thing he's concerned about when making a decision about who to be with. The two of you have already broken up over this before, and it sounds like it's going to continue to be a problem. If it's driving you both this crazy, I just have to wonder if it's really worth it. Well,you have just seen through my mind and gave voice to all my thoughts. That's my question too... Link to comment
sammy1592 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 And unfortunately it's one that only you can answer. You just have to decide if this relationship is making you happy overall. If the answer is no, then you need to get out. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Honestly, it sounds to me like you both may be too emotionally immature for a serious relationship. Because it sounds like he can't make up his mind about how he feels toward this girl or you, and you can't decide if you want to trust him or not. Sounds like you're toxic to each other. I don't agree with this at all. They are friends. he has already established this. Is not supposed to have close female friends? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Well the fact that he cited her sexual history as the reason for not wanting to be with her, but then later defended that part of her life as if it didn't matter. And you also mentioned that he comments on her social media pictures where she's dressed in revealing clothes, which to me is always a red flag. And he compared your physical appearance to hers, which honestly should be the last thing he's concerned about when making a decision about who to be with. The two of you have already broken up over this before, and it sounds like it's going to continue to be a problem. If it's driving you both this crazy, I just have to wonder if it's really worth it. It is because she is not HIS type. OP, please do not listen to this. Deal with your own insecurities. Link to comment
sammy1592 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I think that it's automatically different when you've had romantic interest in that person. It would be one thing if they had always just been friends and he had never wanted to be with her in any other way. But he's already admitted that he did, and also kinda insinuated that the reason he's with his current girlfriend is because he thinks she's prettier which is honestly a pretty shallow reason, and he still comments on this girl's pictures in which she's dressed in revealing clothes. I just think it's understandable to be concerned about that. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I think that it's automatically different when you've had romantic interest in that person. It would be one thing if they had always just been friends and he had never wanted to be with her in any other way. But he's already admitted that he did, and also kinda insinuated that the reason he's with his current girlfriend is because he thinks she's prettier which is honestly a pretty shallow reason, and he still comments on this girl's pictures in which she's dressed in revealing clothes. I just think it's understandable to be concerned about that. I do not agree. At all. I have established some fantastic, platonic friendships with people I have formally dated. We were much better as friends, than romantic partners. Once the attraction is gone, it is gone. She is friends with him, he comments on all her photos. He is not making suggestive comments, either. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 She said he comments "sarcastically" on her pics. Not "you're so hot!" Link to comment
Chaeryoung Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 I think that it's automatically different when you've had romantic interest in that person. It would be one thing if they had always just been friends and he had never wanted to be with her in any other way. But he's already admitted that he did, and also kinda insinuated that the reason he's with his current girlfriend is because he thinks she's prettier which is honestly a pretty shallow reason, and he still comments on this girl's pictures in which she's dressed in revealing clothes. I just think it's understandable to be concerned about that. That's why I felt like crap,because to me too sounded like a shallow reason. Link to comment
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