sammy1592 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Like I said, I think this is all totally up to you and how you feel. If you feel like you're just going to continue to be miserable over this then I think you should end it. If you think that it really is innocent and you're just overreacting then give it a shot. But no one can make that decision for you. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 That's why I felt like crap,because to me too sounded like a shallow reason. Instead of listening to all other posters that stated this is about you, you are going to follow the advice that reinforces all of your insecurities. Nagisa, I wish you luck. You will continue to have problems, as you are create problems that do not exist, and fail to see that this is all about YOU! I guess that is easier than addressing your own issues. Link to comment
Chaeryoung Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 Instead of listening to all other posters that stated this is about you, you are going to follow the advice that reinforces all of your insecurities. Nagisa, I wish you luck. You will continue to have problems, as you are create problems that do not exist, and fail to see that this is all about YOU! I guess that is easier than addressing your own issues. Look, I see your point of view and you're right in the majority of aspects. I just want you to tell me your opinion about this thing. Really. It matters to me to know more opinions. Don't you also think that it is a shallow reason? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Good grief! He says you are prettier and you are unhappy. I don't understand???? This is ridiculous. He likes you, for you. He does not like her more than a friend. End of story. Link to comment
Chaeryoung Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 Instead of listening to all other posters that stated this is about you, you are going to follow the advice that reinforces all of your insecurities. Nagisa, I wish you luck. You will continue to have problems, as you are create problems that do not exist, and fail to see that this is all about YOU! I guess that is easier than addressing your own issues. Like I said, I think this is all totally up to you and how you feel. If you feel like you're just going to continue to be miserable over this then I think you should end it. If you think that it really is innocent and you're just overreacting then give it a shot. But no one can make that decision for you. Thank you very much for your answers! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Thank you very much for your answers! He was trying to put you at ease, by stating that he thought you were prettier. He also meant it. it seems like you are trying to find any silly excuse to end things. If that is the case, then be done. I think he has had waaaaaaay too much patience for all of your insecurities. He deserves a medal! Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 I think that it's automatically different when you've had romantic interest in that person. It would be one thing if they had always just been friends and he had never wanted to be with her in any other way. But he's already admitted that he did, and also kinda insinuated that the reason he's with his current girlfriend is because he thinks she's prettier which is honestly a pretty shallow reason, and he still comments on this girl's pictures in which she's dressed in revealing clothes. I just think it's understandable to be concerned about that. I agree with this wholeheartedly. Look, I know myself, and I would feel as you do, OP. That's why I've made it a private policy to never involve myself with anyone who's still involved with an ex--in any way, shape or form beyond shared children. That doesn't make me a villain, and it doesn't villainize anyone else, it's just being self aware and knowing my own limits. You don't need to stretch and pretzel into pretending you're someone you are not in order to have a relationship, but this doesn't mean that anyone you choose will conform to your limits. It means recognizing things about a 'good' match for you and screening OUT people who present conditions you won't match well with. Most people are not our match. If this is your first relationship, it has served a special purpose for you but it is also showing you the limits of your control over another person. You can either opt to brave this out and quit fighting with the guy over his other relationship--which only likely makes her more 'taboo' and interesting to him anyway, or you can decide that this situation is not only making you miserable, but it's stunting you from the growth of exploring other relationships, friends, interests and other important aspects of your life because you're focused like a laser beam on one person. Either way, there is nothing 'wrong' with you beyond the limits you've placed on your own focus. It's made your world very small, and that's a recipe for obsessing and fearing losses because you haven't built the confidence in your abilities to expand your scope. Write more if it helps, but don't feel bullied into viewing yourself as deficient if you don't want to roll with popular advice. That advice is not 'wrong,' it's just not right for everyone. Head high. Link to comment
Chaeryoung Posted January 6, 2018 Author Share Posted January 6, 2018 I agree with this wholeheartedly. Look, I know myself, and I would feel as you do, OP. That's why I've made it a private policy to never involve myself with anyone who's still involved with an ex--in any way, shape or form beyond shared children. That doesn't make me a villain, and it doesn't villainize anyone else, it's just being self aware and knowing my own limits. You don't need to stretch and pretzel into pretending you're someone you are not in order to have a relationship, but this doesn't mean that anyone you choose will conform to your limits. It means recognizing things about a 'good' match for you and screening OUT people who present conditions you won't match well with. Most people are not our match. If this is your first relationship, it has served a special purpose for you but it is also showing you the limits of your control over another person. You can either opt to brave this out and quit fighting with the guy over his other relationship--which only likely makes her more 'taboo' and interesting to him anyway, or you can decide that this situation is not only making you miserable, but it's stunting you from the growth of exploring other relationships, friends, interests and other important aspects of your life because you're focused like a laser beam on one person. Either way, there is nothing 'wrong' with you beyond the limits you've placed on your own focus. It's made your world very small, and that's a recipe for obsessing and fearing losses because you haven't built the confidence in your abilities to expand your scope. Write more if it helps, but don't feel bullied into viewing yourself as deficient if you don't want to roll with popular advice. That advice is not 'wrong,' it's just not right for everyone. Head high. Thank you a lot for your answer. It made me feel really better...and less guilty for being this way. Anyway, I do have big issues regarding insecurity. I would really try to make it work with this boy whom I care a lot about, but I don't know if I'm capable of being comfortable with this situation..I will take into big consideration your answer. Thank you a lot! Link to comment
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