I am in dire need of assistance

[hopelessromcom]

To whoever is read this I thank you for taking time out of your life to read my story. It's not a good one and please feel free to leave you thoughts on it afterward. I'm seeking advice, I did something terrible and I want to right my wrong.

 

A few months back I had just gotten out of a very painful relationship, she pretty much stopped caring about me and it beat the out of my heart. I was finally starting to get back out there and a certain girl caught my eye. After a while it soon apparent that I could see myself with her, let's call her Isla for the sake of easier writing. We started kind of flirting but I was never 100% sure if she felt the same way so I kept my options open. Then one day during this conference I met this other girl, let's call her Pam. Pam and I started talking and things got heated rather quickly, it was evident that she had feelings for me. At first, I thought to maybe switch over to Pam but the more I thought about it the more I knew that I liked Isla more. After a while turns out Isla did feel the same and we scheduled a date, leading up to the date I told Pam that we should just be friends for now.

 

I and Isla started to date quickly after and Pam and I stopped talking so often, I knew I should have told her about Isla but I didn't. I was afraid of hurting her that I was only holding off the inevitable. Even though things have been kind of shakey between Isla and me, I was happy. Things were going okay up until recently. As it is the winter break I've had more free time and so has Pam, I and her got to talking but I made sure to keep it PG and made sure to watch myself of being too flirty, she did not. In the end, I was avoiding the truth that I was hurting this sweet and amazing girl because I was selfish and afraid. She found out about Isla and I and confronted me about it, I told her everything and how I was sorry. She would later go on to tell Isla too about what had happened, how much I don't know.

 

I explained to Isla about what had happened and I apologized like I should have, so far I have not gotten a response back. I made a huge mistake and I want to right my wrong. Isla is an amazing person who I really saw a future with, more so than anyone else I've been with. If you have any advice please let me know and if you think I'm a piece of human who deserves what he got then that's fair too. Thank you for reading till now, I hope you guys will learn from my mistake.

[AtitAgain]

How old are you? I see nothing wrong with keeping your options wrong and talking to a couple girls unless you and Isla had already committed to be exclusive. In that case... that would be different. But that does not seem to be the case, so IMO you have nothing to be sorry for and should not even have apologized...

[SweetGirl28]

Well I'm going to assume Isla feels like you betrayed her trust, as she didn't know about Pam, and now most

likely thinks you were trying to hide her because you secretly wanted Pam.

It was wrong of her to have to hear it from Pam. I think she told her to stir up a little drama.

But.....you didnt cheat, so don't feel so terrible.

You apologized, what more can you do except give her a little space and she if she comes around.

[DanZee]

Yeah, you weren't exclusive with Isla. I don't see any reason why you needed to tell either her or Pam about your other friend. Sounds like you're in high school where if you talk to a girl, you're "going together." Both of these girls are too immature. Look for another girl who isn't so sensitive.

[Hollyj]

I guess your ego got the best of you.

 

You knew that you should not have been speaking to Pam, as she liked you. Learn from this experience.

[Hollyj]

Yeah, you weren't exclusive with Isla. I don't see any reason why you needed to tell either her or Pam about your other friend. Sounds like you're in high school where if you talk to a girl, you're "going together." Both of these girls are too immature. Look for another girl who isn't so sensitive.

 

He was dating the first girl. It sounds like they were exclusive.

[DaisyMayPorter]

So who do you want to be with? Do whatever it takes to apologize and show that you care about that girl and want to be with them.

[catfeeder]

I don't see what you did wrong other than tell Pam about something that was not her business.

[Realitynut]

Until I got on here and learned about having the 'exclusive' talk.....I never knew it was acceptable to date a couple of girls at the same time. Back in my day...that made you a 'player'. When you started dating a guy...you only dated ONE. If you wanted to date another, you broke up with the first. I would hate to think that I was dating someone...and he was dating another chick too. But then again...I AM 63 and life and dating is different know.

 

So back to OP. Yes....Unless you were in a sexual relationship with Pam and Isla...no need to explain. Just tell Isla you met Pam, realized you had more feelings for her than Pam, and Pam became a friend. Tell her that apparently Pam 'had feelings' for me, and when I told her that I was seeing Isla, she ran to you to cause trouble....and hopefully to break us apart.

 

Tell her all you can do is apologize, but you did nothing wrong. This Pam was just stirring up trouble....and was jealous.

[figureitout23]

Yeah, you weren't exclusive with Isla. I don't see any reason why you needed to tell either her or Pam about your other friend. Sounds like you're in high school where if you talk to a girl, you're "going together." Both of these girls are too immature. Look for another girl who isn't so sensitive.

 

I don't see what you did wrong other than tell Pam about something that was not her business.

 

Guys, the 'rules' don't really matter in this instance and whether or not he was right or wrong. By Islas standards he was wrong and she walked away, which she had every right to do. At the end of the day, that's all that matters, unless he wants to keep risking losing women who don't play the 'I don't owe you anything' game with guys their dating, he may want to change his approach. The fact of the matter is in life we meet people who have personal standards and we either accept and meet them or walk away, it says nothing about the maturity of someone to have standards. I would have walked away myself.

[hopelessromcom]

Thank you to all that have replied, I really appreciate you guys helping me out. We haven't broken up but I fear if I don't do something we might. It's true that Pam and I were neutral or at the least I was neutral while she was not. Me and Isla are exclusive so I could understand her being upset to that point. We are both in our final years of highschool if that helps. She has just been ignoring me so far so I presume she isn't the happiest with me, I'll update you guys along the way.

[sekai]

I agree with the people that say you should explain to isla that you didn't mean anything romantic by talking to pam, and I think you should wait for islas response and keep that in mind, and depending on how pam feels either cut things off with her or get her to understand that sometimes things don't work out perfectly and you weren't sure things were going to work out with isla, which explains your previous openness with pam. However, one thing you NEED to do is apologize to pam for letting her go so far as to not keep things "pg" (like apologize for leading her on) because you were definitely leading her on if you didn't cease communication with her as soon as things escalated past "pg" levels. In finality, Isla shouldn't be so concerned with Pam, so if she is you should find out what Pam told her to make her turn like that. Anything you do, make sure you break it softly, if someones feelings are hurt in the many ways i see possible, both relationships could be ruined. No pressure :").

so i realized I'm a lil late but I'm going to leave this either way