How to tell her it might not work

[dburnsafc]

There is this girl I've been FWB's with for about 3 months but we've both kind of fallen for each other.

 

I think she fell for me first and then later on I made it clear that I felt quite strongly about her too, and that I would find it difficult to let her go should she want to leave me. She is cute and we enjoy each other's company, I think about her a lot when I'm not around her and we have similar interests and tastes in music.

 

I would like to start dating her properly and possibly get into a relationship with her, but there are a couple things that put me off. The main thing being that I am quite into fitness and playing sports, but she is really inactive, quite out of shape and not interested in trying new things (at least anything that involves much physical activity).

 

She smokes a lot, drinks a lot and enjoys going clubbing and staying out late. I used to do that but have changed my ways in recent years. I would prefer to go to bed early and then go the gym in the morning or a bike ride. I've suggested a couple things we could try together and she didn't seem interested, but I do have some other ideas. I'm hoping she may be keen to try these but I'm not sure she will.

 

Part of me thinks a relationship might not work for these reasons, but I have no idea what to say to her if I think it's not working out. I don't want to make her feel as though I think she's boring or lazy. I also don't want to date her for a couple months and then suddenly break it to her that I don't think it's working, as I think she would be really surprised and hurt.

 

Should I point out my concerns to her before we start dating?

[dburnsafc]

Yes point them out and let her know why it will not work. In my opinion your dilemma is simple, I have had harder issues to deal with. Good luck.

 

I'm not saying I'm certain it won't work. I'd like to give it a try and see how it goes, but feel I should probably point out my concerns beforehand.

 

Sounds like that is the best way to go anyway.

 

Thanks.

[SweetGirl28]

Her unhealthy lifestyle should be reason enough to not want to date her,

because it doesn't match your lifestyle. You definitely need to tell her your

thoughts and should wait to see if she makes any changes before jumping

into a relationship.

[adat95]

As you're saying, expressing your concerns in advance should be better. It also depends on what you mean when you see her as inactive and 'out of shape' ... not all girls are into gym and nor will they change just because of men. You definitely should have something in common but it is also good if each of you has something where you can chill out from the relationship stuff :) I really wouldn't push her into exercising, that could hit a rock bottom there you have to be careful with words trying to express yourself could be hard so that it doesn't sound like "hey bae, you're a fat-a** and should start working out' ... Maybe in time you will find some aktivity that will be enjoyable for both of you, just don't push her into anything =) ... and for the smoking and clubbing, she might eventually grow up from that, maybe if you started being in a serious relationship, she could settle down a bit. Talk to her, conversation is important :)

[DanZee]

It doesn't sound like you share any interests other than sex. Since sex is only a few hours a week and you have to be around her the rest of the time when you have nothing in common, it doesn't sound like things are going to work out. Find someone at the gym who shares your interests.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. If you are incompatible on so many issues, don't string her along. Make it clear it's fbuddies only and you will never date her or respect her lifestyle. This way you can both find someone to date as well as just have sex.

[Trinity11]

I hate the gym.

But I am active, there are other things I like to do. Perhaps tune into other things that are not overtly active that you can do together. Bike riding always seems to be a good one. You travel at a nice speed, outside in the sunshine, can stop for lunch etc. Half the battle is just leaving the house, once you have started you don't regret it :-)

I do know what you mean though I had a casual thing with someone whom i adored, he was on my level mentally and physically, but his lifestyle was stay up late, wake up late by which time my day was well and truly underway with hiking or something. I wanted to share this with him, but I never did. So combined with other issues, I ended it. He is more active now, but my interest had faded.

 

Id say yes, mention you might be interested in something more but you would need to find more interests that you both enjoy, preferably outside.

[reinventmyself]

You start off saying you have a lot of things in common but yet go on to list an extensive list of some major incompatibilities.

So basically one of you will need to change who you are.

[dburnsafc]

Thanks for the advice everyone.

 

It seems I've given the wrong impression to some of you as it looks like I have hardly anything in common with this girl. We do have a number of things in common such as our career ambitions and other hobbies, it's a lot more than just sex. But there is this issue to me that our lifestyles are quite different.

 

I hate the gym.

But I am active, there are other things I like to do. Perhaps tune into other things that are not overtly active that you can do together. Bike riding always seems to be a good one. You travel at a nice speed, outside in the sunshine, can stop for lunch etc. Half the battle is just leaving the house, once you have started you don't regret it :-)

I do know what you mean though I had a casual thing with someone whom i adored, he was on my level mentally and physically, but his lifestyle was stay up late, wake up late by which time my day was well and truly underway with hiking or something. I wanted to share this with him, but I never did. So combined with other issues, I ended it. He is more active now, but my interest had faded.

 

Id say yes, mention you might be interested in something more but you would need to find more interests that you both enjoy, preferably outside.

 

I think this is the best option, thanks. I was planning on suggesting a bunch of different activities that we can try and see what she says. She has made it clear to me in the past that she wants to be more active like she used to be