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Can you like someone a lot and even love them and not see them as the one?

Igor1

By Igor1
in Breaking Up Advice

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Igor1 Enthusiast

Igor1

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My ex says he likes this new girl a lot but doesn't see her as the one because of her negative qualities. He texts her often every day and says he likes her a lot because she's sweet and because he can probably fix her as a person because she is depressed, lazy, sad, unmotivated, and unhealthy. He wants to change her life and make her better before they break things off. Why does he want to do this? What benefits does he get?

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Igor1 Enthusiast

Igor1

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He is so bad!! He tried to make up excuses as to why he wasn't immediately replying to her texts so she would suspect anything while telling me he likes her just because she thinks he is amazing and he thinks he is such a good person and can improve her life by showing her how to be awesome!!!!

 

It feels better knowing he is a terrible person not just to me but to everyone.

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

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He is so bad!! He tried to make up excuses as to why he wasn't immediately replying to her texts so she would suspect anything while telling me he likes her just because she thinks he is amazing and he thinks he is such a good person and can improve her life by showing her how to be awesome!!!!

 

It feels better knowing he is a terrible person not just to me but to everyone.

 

If he's so terrible why do you keep giving him sex?

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Igor1 Enthusiast

Igor1

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If he's so terrible why do you keep giving him sex?

 

Because he has a huge penis. For real. I have no hope of reconciliation because I will always think he is lying to me after watching him blatantly lie to this new girl who isn't s girlfriend but who he is stringing along for an ego and stroke.

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Igor1 Enthusiast

Igor1

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So why again do you keep sleeping with him? If he's so terrible why are you still hoping he chooses you?

 

He slept with me a few times when they were dating because I did not think it was serious. Him feeling guilty while me watching him text her lies about what he was doing while having sex with me REALLY made me see they were more serious than he led me to believe so it has opened my eyes a lot! Like he is bad to her and me and will proabky use anyone and everyone for an ego boost or sex. He says he really likes her but the only positive thing he has said about her is that she is sweet.

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Igor1 Enthusiast

Igor1

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You said in your other thread you keep sleeping with him because you still love him. No mention there of a huge penis.

 

After thinking about it how could I love someone who so blankly lies to other people and uses other people? I can have sex without emotions towards him because he just turns me on. I really am seeing that reconciliation is NOT for us because he is not only a liar to me (which I made excuses for him for in my head to protect myself) but he is a liar to everyone.

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

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After thinking about it how could I love someone who so blankly lies to other people and uses other people? I can have sex without emotions towards him because he just turns me on. I really am seeing that reconciliation is NOT for us because he is not only a liar to me (which I made excuses for him for in my head to protect myself) but he is a liar to everyone.

 

So you just decide in the last hour that you don't actually still love him? You posted an hour ago that you still love him.

 

I guess you don't feel bad for his girlfriend, you just think only he should feel bad?

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Igor1 Enthusiast

Igor1

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So you just decide in the last hour that you don't actually still love him? You posted an hour ago that you still love him.

 

I guess you don't feel bad for his girlfriend, you just think only he should feel bad?

 

I do love him but how could I now? After all of this? I do but those feelings are definitely going to fade after how much he has put me through. I do have issues regulating my emotions which I need professional help and medication for but that doesn't justify manipulation of my emotions and lying to me. I mean maybe I do feel bad but if they're not official maybe I shouldn't? But they've been dating for four months so SOMETHING has to be there or going on. It's just another mind game he is playing to avoid feeling bad, taking accountability for his actions, and owning up to his mistakes and changing his hevsor accordingly.

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Igor1 Enthusiast

Igor1

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And you too would do well to take accountability for your actions, own up to your mistakes and change your behavior. Instead of putting all the blame on him and not caring about the feelings of his girlfriend who he's cheating on with your active participation and tacit approval.

 

I have owned up to them. I apologize for my behavior and have sought therapy and have an appointment set up to begin to receive medication. I feel bad but it's hard to know if he and this girl are actually a couple. He says they are not. His family says they are not. They're not friends on Facebook and they're def not "facebook official". I want to believe what he says but his actions do not align

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Igor1 Enthusiast

Igor1

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So you just decide in the last hour that you don't actually still love him? You posted an hour ago that you still love him.

 

I guess you don't feel bad for his girlfriend, you just think only he should feel bad?

 

Also what I was talking about was with my ex. He says he doesn't see this girl as the one but thinks he could love her one day.

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

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I have owned up to them. I apologize for my behavior and have sought therapy and have an appointment set up to begin to receive medication. I feel bad but it's hard to know if he and this girl are actually a couple. He says they are not. His family says they are not. They're not friends on Facebook and they're def not "facebook official". I want to believe what he says but his actions do not align

 

But you can control your own actions.

 

You say you are owning your actions but in the next breath you revert back to "well, they're not actually a couple!" Which proves you're still trying to say what you did wasn't really that bad.

 

Will you continue to sleep with him? Are you still hoping he'll break up with her and return to a real relationship with you?

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Igor1 Enthusiast

Igor1

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But you can control your own actions.

 

You say you are owning your actions but in the next breath you revert back to "well, they're not actually a couple!" Which proves you're still trying to say what you did wasn't really that bad.

 

Will you continue to sleep with him? Are you still hoping he'll break up with her and return to a real relationship with you?

 

No. We agreed to not talk for six months and I said if he is dating someone else to please not reach out to me. He said that we have such a special relationship he would still agree to hang out with me once in six months regardless of if he is seeing someone else.

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