I have a problem with achieving orgasm with women.

[ironpony]

Basically I can almost never climax with a woman or orgasm. I use to think this was a good thing cause women would say I would last a lot longer compared to other guys. I think the reason why is because I enjoy giving women orgasms so much, that I don't want to ejaculate myself, cause then I will go limp and cannot keep giving them pleasure. However, a curious thing happened one time a while ago while having sex. The woman was not enjoying it and I could tell. She wanted to have sex and we started but as we got into it, there was something wrong and she was not enjoying it.

 

However, since she was not enjoying it, I was able to have an orgasm and ejaculate right away. I think it's cause she was not enjoying it, that I was able to do it, as oppose to wanting to stay hard for a woman that is enjoying it and most likely wants me to keep going. I asked her why she wasn't enjoying it later. She said it was cause she just broke up with her boyfriend and was not over him yet, so it turned out was the reason.

 

A few months later, the same thing happened with another woman and she wasn't enjoying it. It's cause we were doing it in a car, and the car wasn't comfortable enough for her she said. But I could tell she wasn't enjoying it, and I pulled out, but as I pulled out, I got so turned on that I orgasmed and ejaculated right away.

 

So it seems that it's much easier for me to orgasm if the woman is not enjoying it, cause if he's enjoying it, then I just want to keep giving her pleasure and keep going. If a woman keeps orgasming and wants me really bad, I don't want to give up my penile power, so to speak, but if she doesn't want me so bad, then it's easier for me to let loose and give it up I guess. Or so this is what I think.

 

But I feel really bad about this. The last woman who didn't enjoy it and I came, I felt gross about myself about it later, and I felt really bad about this. This is not normal.

 

Or maybe this kind of makes sense in a way, or should I feel bad about this and there is something really wrong?

[DanZee]

It sounds like it's developing into a rape fetish. You can find women who want to role play that kind of game. Or you can ask women to tell you no and try to push you off. Or you can pull out after they've had a couple of orgasms and self pleasure yourself to orgasm or have the woman do it. Whatever works for you.

[ironpony]

I don't think it's a rape fetish. If it is I actually feel worse about it, and it scares me, if that's the case. But it didn't occur me to that it is, and didn't think about it that way. I thought it was because I felt free to orgasm, if they are not having theirs, or are done having theirs.

[SherrySher]

I think it's all about balance. You need to pleasure her but allow yourself pleasure as well. After you've made a woman orgasm, you should then allow yourself to orgasm as well.

You are too focused on pleasing someone else but then it's all one sided.

You orgasmed only because the focus was off of the woman but again, it doesn't need to be like this.

You need to find the balance of pleasing her and then allowing yourself to be pleasured, all in one session.

 

Don't let it worry you, nothing wrong at all. You just need to think of your partner but also yourself. You sound like a very giving partner but it's too one sided.

[ironpony]

Yeah I guess, I just can't give myself an orgasm when she is enjoying it at the same time. Even after I give her three or more, I still can't cause she's still enjoying it usually.

[SherrySher]

It's fine if she's enjoying it but it's not all about her. Intimacy is meant to be a shared thing.

This is some kind of mental block you've created. It's not healthy.

I think one thing you need to do, is find a woman who is just as interested in pleasing you as you are her.

Perhaps you keep finding women who only care about their own pleasure. I am surprised they aren't wondering if you're enjoying yourself and wanting to give you an orgasm.

[pippy longstocking]

Is it because of the pills you take to have sex , can't remember the name of it .

[lunanoir94]

Well to be honest after a few orgasms, most women just want it to be over with. I love sex and can go for rounds but after a certain point I will pull out the moves to make him finish because I can only take so much of it lol.....

[ironpony]

It's fine if she's enjoying it but it's not all about her. Intimacy is meant to be a shared thing.

This is some kind of mental block you've created. It's not healthy.

I think one thing you need to do, is find a woman who is just as interested in pleasing you as you are her.

Perhaps you keep finding women who only care about their own pleasure. I am surprised they aren't wondering if you're enjoying yourself and wanting to give you an orgasm.

 

Well the women I have hooked up with before wanted me to have an orgasm. They said that they have already had enough orgasms, and that they want me to have mine. I told them that as long as they are enjoying it, I can't have mine, and they said that it's okay to have mine anyway and that they want me to.

 

So even when they gave me their blessing, I couldn't have one if they were enjoying it still.

 

Is it because of the pills you take to have sex , can't remember the name of it .

 

Hmm maybe. Yeah I was taking Cialis to get an erection. But it doesn't say anything about only able to orgasm on Cialis, if the woman is not enjoying it though.

 

Well to be honest after a few orgasms, most women just want it to be over with. I love sex and can go for rounds but after a certain point I will pull out the moves to make him finish because I can only take so much of it lol.....

 

Yeah, and I think that's what happens with me. When I can tell the woman is not enjoying it and has had enough, then my body can finally orgasm.

[ThatwasThen]

I don't think it's a rape fetish. If it is I actually feel worse about it, and it scares me, if that's the case. But it didn't occur me to that it is, and didn't think about it that way. I thought it was because I felt free to orgasm, if they are not having theirs, or are done having theirs.

 

Its no fun for a whole lot of woman if they're not giving their partner just as much pleasure as they are getting so keep that in mind when you're pumping away and you're not getting yours.

 

You mentioned a lot of woman that were not enjoying themselves. I sure hope you're not making it so drawn out that they are suffering in some way. I also hope you're not purposefully making them not enjoy it so that you can pop.

[tiredofvampires]

Ask yourself this: why would you want to keep going until a woman's pleasure turns to discomfort?

 

You're certainly not ending on a high note when it goes south like that. It's like overeating...you can enjoy a fantastic all-you- can-eat buffet, until you're so full, your stomach hurts and you can't move well, and you feel just a little sick. Why push pleasure to that point, when that's not pleasurable at all at the end?

 

At that point, you've ceased providing what it seems to me you want to give a woman.

 

You seem to be genuinely interested in giving pleasure to a partner, which is a good thing. But some of this seems to have more to do with how you want to see yourself. Like, I'm the guy who can keep going and going, I'm the studking. Like, giving a woman more and more orgasms increases your own prowess in your own eyes. It's kind of a powerful feeling -- and each orgasm is another notch on your "bedpost" for that round. It's almost like, when kids feed the fish in a fishpond, and the fish gather around in one spot of the pool, mouths gaping and wanting more more more more of those breadcrumbs! It's a feeling of, wow, I keep serving it up and they just can't get enough. I must be a really awesome gift to them, look at me go! God's gift to them!

 

So in a way, the pleasure you give is for their sake...but it might be more for yours, to build your sense of ego around your sexual self.

 

I'm not sure I'm giving advice, because I think it's more for you to ponder if this makes any sense. Perhaps if you're taking Cialis and don't have erectile dysfunction, that supports my theory here. That you need to feel powerful this way. Not ejaculating makes you that much more virile in your eyes.

 

Is there any ring of truth to this? And if so, why do you think you've developed this need? To prove something to yourself?

 

Something is going on besides just enjoying your partner's enjoyment, because if they enjoy your orgasm (and most healthy women do want that to happen, because sex should be reciprocal), and you're not "giving it up" for them, that's no gift.

[ironpony]

Ask yourself this: why would you want to keep going until a woman's pleasure turns to discomfort?

 

You're certainly not ending on a high note when it goes south like that. It's like overeating...you can enjoy a fantastic all-you- can-eat buffet, until you're so full, your stomach hurts and you can't move well, and you feel just a little sick. Why push pleasure to that point, when that's not pleasurable at all at the end?

 

At that point, you've ceased providing what it seems to me you want to give a woman.

 

You seem to be genuinely interested in giving pleasure to a partner, which is a good thing. But some of this seems to have more to do with how you want to see yourself. Like, I'm the guy who can keep going and going, I'm the studking. Like, giving a woman more and more orgasms increases your own prowess in your own eyes. It's kind of a powerful feeling -- and each orgasm is another notch on your "bedpost" for that round. It's almost like, when kids feed the fish in a fishpond, and the fish gather around in one spot of the pool, mouths gaping and wanting more more more more of those breadcrumbs! It's a feeling of, wow, I keep serving it up and they just can't get enough. I must be a really awesome gift to them, look at me go! God's gift to them!

 

So in a way, the pleasure you give is for their sake...but it might be more for yours, to build your sense of ego around your sexual self.

 

I'm not sure I'm giving advice, because I think it's more for you to ponder if this makes any sense. Perhaps if you're taking Cialis and don't have erectile dysfunction, that supports my theory here. That you need to feel powerful this way. Not ejaculating makes you that much more virile in your eyes.

 

Is there any ring of truth to this? And if so, why do you think you've developed this need? To prove something to yourself?

 

Something is going on besides just enjoying your partner's enjoyment, because if they enjoy your orgasm (and most healthy women do want that to happen, because sex should be reciprocal), and you're not "giving it up" for them, that's no gift.

 

Yeah that sounds about right. I do tend to get aroused more when I feel a sense of power, and the more orgasms, I give, the more it does feed an ego, yes.

[Imho]

My opinion is that no, it is not something for which to feel bad. It sounds like if the woman is enjoying it you want to prolong that pleasure for her even while foregoing your own pleasure but if she isn't enjoying it you might as well get yours. It's less stress on your performance.