Newly wed, and no sex

[vaza234]

I have been married to the woman I love for almost two months. We had good chemistry and our sex life was great before our marriage. She had a high sex drive prior to marriage.

 

Prior to marriage, I discovered that she was still talking to her ex of 5 years, he left her for another woman but they remianed friends and she continued to have a physical relationship with him until we met and made committment. I forgave her as there was nothing physical between them while we were togther (at least that what she claims). In addition, even when she was with him, whenever they fought, she will go talk to other guys. I tried to be understanding of her behavior and she said that she matured since.

 

Since we got married, she has lost all interest in intimacy. I had open conversation with her and tried to get her to go to counseling but she is refusing all of that. every day she makes an excuse " tired, busy, sleepy etc" and I am becoming incredibly frustrated.

 

I don't see this marraige moving forward without resolving this issue and when I talked to her today, she said that our marriage is not working. I am so confused and upset. Any insight as to what is going on? How to move forward?

[Hollyj]

Do you think that the ex is back in the picture?

[noknown]

I'm so sorry to hear this. It sounds like she may be seeing someone else. Have you seen any other red lights with her?

[annie24]

I do not know where you live, but based on what you've told us, I think that you have a good case to get this marriage annulled.

[MissCanuck]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear this has fallen apart so quickly.

 

I would strongly suspect she's seeing someone else, OP. Or wants to. Perhaps it's the ex, or maybe it's someone else.

 

Check your phone records.

[vaza234]

She mentions her ex every now and again or tells stories of when they were together. I am pretty certain she is not over him although I am unable to confirm if they are still talking/texting.

She also seems to be confused sexually, as now more than ever, she is recalling some of her encounters with other guys. I tried to understand if some of that perhaps traumatized her, but she is not very open and insecure. I told her that I love her and she can be herself and speak about any issues but she is in denial that there is any problem.

[MissCanuck]

There is a major problem when your newlywed wife stops having sex with you and tells you the marriage is not working.

 

What about her recollections of other men make you think she is confused or traumatized? And under what circumstances is she even talking about these experiences?

[vaza234]

She says things like " X didn't moan when we had sex" " Y was rough on me in bed" " Z was not good at oral" etc. These statement were made mostly when she was drunk/had alcohol. It is crazy!!!

[vaza234]

Maybe the ex is back and I am just too stupid and naive to know

[ShatteredMan]

I think one of the key components of this situation is the fact that there is a bit of mistrust here. I would suggest getting counseling and if it doesn't seem to be working, go find a lawyer. I hate to be negative and I do feel extremely badly for you in this situation.

 

I hope for the best and maybe things will work themselves out. However, be prepared if they don't.

[ThatwasThen]

She says things like " X didn't moan when we had sex" " Y was rough on me in bed" " Z was not good at oral" etc. These statement were made mostly when she was drunk/had alcohol. It is crazy!!!

Its not crazy, it's immature, it's inappropriate, it's boner-killing and it's coming from a woman that didn't want to marry you. Was your marriage arranged?

 

Can you do what Annie suggested and look into annulment. Surely you do not want to go forth with someone who acts like she does and isn't showing you that she value you in the least.

[vaza234]

Thanks to everyone who replied.

We went to a counselor a couple of times and she refused to go after that. I just don't understand why she would change so much after marriage. Things were really good before and we lived together for almost a year before we got married. I feel like marriage is just a transaction, I feel betrayed, disrespected and devalued. She is not even interested in doing things together as much as before. I feel like a complete fool for not seeing all of this coming. How could anyone hurt the person who loves them this much?

[vaza234]

I have talked to a lawyer and he said there is ground for annulment, I want to give this and her a chance although everything suggests that this marriage will not continue

[thekid55]

End the marriage ASAP. The sooner you end it, the better.

[IAmFCA]

ending it sooner is better than later, in this case. One person can't carry a two-person team.

[annie24]

I have talked to a lawyer and he said there is ground for annulment, I want to give this and her a chance although everything suggests that this marriage will not continue

 

I don't see this marraige moving forward without resolving this issue and when I talked to her today, she said that our marriage is not working. I am so confused and upset. Any insight as to what is going on? How to move forward?

 

I know you want to try to make things work... but if she's saying that the marriage isn't working at this early stage, and she doesn't want to go to counseling to fix it, it's probably better to get an annulment and move on. This is the honeymoon stage. why did you guys get married? how were things before the wedding?

[vaza234]

We had great time before we got married. I wanted to marry her because I truly loved her with the good and bad. She seemed to love me and wanted to have kids with me too. I never saw any of this coming, in fact we were supposed to get married next February but she wanted to marry sooner. This is incredibly painful, I feel betrayed

[MissCanuck]

We had great time before we got married. I wanted to marry her because I truly loved her with the good and bad. She seemed to love me and wanted to have kids with me too. I never saw any of this coming, in fact we were supposed to get married next February but she wanted to marry sooner. This is incredibly painful, I feel betrayed

 

How badly does she wants kids? Do you think that might have been her primary motivation in getting married? It sounds awful, yes, but it happens.

 

Something has definitely gone completely sideways. Again, I would advise you to skim your phone records and see if she's been contacting anyone with particular frequency.