Balancing family and work.

[ZeddsDed]

I need some advice on a matter that I have ran into regarding my work colleagues.

I work with 2 women of whom I cared about as friends out of work. I spent the summer taking on as many shifts as I could, as I was trying to save up and get out of an abusive relationship with children's father.

I left him about 2 months ago and have never felt happier. We have 3 children together and I have 100% custody and lots of issues to deal with since the seperation. My own health and therapy, all 3 of my own children's health, appointments and so on.

I began to burn our trying to work 40 hours a week, parent 2 toddlers and pre teen, keep up to the house, book appointments and find free time to stay happy. So I dropped my shifts now that work has slowed down.

 

Yesterday at work, I found out that my co workers were gossiping about me, wondering if I was pulling my weight, saying some pretty harsh things about me to my supervisor, who of course told me as we are pretty close.

I confronted them, as I had NO idea they were upset with me other than the fact I hadn't seen them much recently. They stuttered and stammered around the fact that they were gossiping, but then admitted to another co worker it because they were frustrated that they work so much and I don't.

 

I came home and I cried. I have always offered to take their shifts when needed, I have encouraged them at work and out of work to not worry about our job when they needed to deal with things and I thought that they would be supportive of the struggle I have been facing.

I now don't know how to act. A part of me wants to apologize and give up my days off to help them out as well. But a part of me doesn't think that I should have to. It's not my company, it's a minimum wage job that isn't exactly important to me, it was just something to get me on my feet so that I could support my family, the fact that they have not considered what I have been going through out of work, kind of makes me feel that I shouldn't snap my back in order to apologize and make it up to them.

 

I just feel attacked at work and to be honest I'm not even sure how to handle It!!

I have always been upfront and truthful when it comes to issues in my relationships, was it right to confront them about these issues? Should I discuss with our boss about the fact that they feel they are over worked and getting the crappy end of the shifts? Ugh. I have to go and face them today.. and I'm feeling a little upset about the things they said still.

[ChellyV]

No, do not discuss anything with your boss anymore. I think confronting your co workers is enough and if they refuse to speak up to clear the air, that is their problem. If they have their own overwork issues, that is their responsibility to escalate the matter to your manager, not yours.

 

Go on with your day to day routine, give your job the best and take a step back from these so-called friendships. Real friendships from work is rare, really rare.

[Batya33]

So I think it's fine to have work friendships and this is one of the risks, too. You did what you needed to do and I'm sorry they are gossiping. Just renew your determination for now to treat work as work -only work - no more personal stuff shared because it's not a safe place to do that. Go to work, do your work, be professional and polite. Go home. Sorry it has to be that way but keeping your job is really important right now given your situation. Good luck.

[ZeddsDed]

No, do not discuss anything with your boss anymore. I think confronting your co workers is enough and if they refuse to speak up to clear the air, that is their problem. If they have their own overwork issues, that is their responsibility to escalate the matter to your manager, not yours.

 

Go on with your day to day routine, give your job the best and take a step back from these so-called friendships. Real friendships from work is rare, really rare.

Thank you for the advice. I think I'm so caught up in the emotions that I'm just over thinking everything right now. I don't like that they were saying horrible things and it hurts that they would..but il just get on with my own shifts and let them deal with their own.

 

Thanks again.

[ZeddsDed]

So I think it's fine to have work friendships and this is one of the risks, too. You did what you needed to do and I'm sorry they are gossiping. Just renew your determination for now to treat work as work -only work - no more personal stuff shared because it's not a safe place to do that. Go to work, do your work, be professional and polite. Go home. Sorry it has to be that way but keeping your job is really important right now given your situation. Good luck.

Thank you for the advice. I don't feel my job is in any way in jeopardy, my boss has to know about personal things as there are legal situations regarding the matter and the work place. He is the only one who I share the information needed with.

The rest of my co workers do not know the ins and outs of the situation and I believe that is most likely the reason they are being overly bitter to me about my boss dropping my hours. I do just go to work, do my job and come home. But they are annoyed that I haven't been 'sharing' the work load like i once was.

 

I'm just going to put my emotions aside, take it day by day and hope that they will talk out their own issues with our boss so that they don't feel over worked.

[Batya33]

I understood from your post that you shared details about your personal life with your co-workers- sorry I misunderstood. Of course bosses sometimes need to know about schedules and personal situations that affect them. Just limit it as much as possible IMO.

[j.man]

I'm assuming you're not being paid the same with working fewer hours. If your coworkers don't feel they're being adequately comped for their work, that's a matter to take up with their boss. Frankly, you're the scapegoat because it's easier for them to gripe that it is for them to assert their own tangible interests. It sucks, but it is what it is. The good news is it's nothing personal.

 

It's pretty rare for someone to skate by life without dealing with ***holes and spiteful people at work. Just keep your head up, do what's needed, collect your check, and tend to what matters-- your family.