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ZeddsDed

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  1. Thank you :) I am going to continue concentrating on our life. I tend to get wrapped up in our families dysfunctions and sometimes over extend myself to help family and other people then end up feeling discarded. I also am heading for a psychologist meet and greet to deal with these type issues next month. Thanks again guys
  2. I do agree with this. And I am super happy that she moved and will hopefully feel better where she is. My sisters are also younger so I expect them to be closer. I guess it just stings a little. Blah. I have called and have agreed to bring gifts for the shower and will be attending the bday. Thanks
  3. I should also add she had paid for the deposit on her new rental a month in advance and never mentioned it to me.. I think it's just polite to give notice to anybody to find new childcare so wouldnt be stranded? Especially family. But I guess that's personal morals. Like I said, im not making a big deal out of it, but cannot help the way I feel about the situation.
  4. I should have posted, she took care of him for 3 hours, twice weekly. Which comes to $25 an hour. I was paying the same at my daycare but offered her the money instead of my daycare. I wasnt looking for resentment or an argument with any of my sisters either. I had just noticed with the last 2 years, I had asked her so many times to visit or go places and she always had an excuse. But within the month she moved there, she seems to be visiting my sister daily and babysitting for free!! I also didnt want to mention anything to them, hence why I am not looking for resentment between us.. Thank you for the input. I'm going to message them and explain that I can attend one.
  5. Our family is at a point where we rarely get along. There is a lot of anger between my parents, 2 sisters and I, and i always thought i could count on my sisters. My younger sister and I always got on SO well but suddenly things have changed! I have 3 children, have left an abusive marriage and am working hard towards a degree and working. My youngest sister is pregnant with her first, with a slacker husband who wont work. I offered to help with money as my youngest son was in daycare fulltime and said if she wanted to take him instead, I'd rather put the money towards her and the baby. She agreed and seemed to be thankful. On the days I left school early, I would come to the house and my son would be alone on a phone watching videos with her upstairs doing who knows what. I was upset, and asked if it was too much for her and she assured me she loved having him. (I paid over 600 monthly). Suddenly, she tells me that she is moving 2 hours away, to where my other sister lives with her husband and kids in a few days. I told her I was happy for her, but would have appreciated notice for child care etc... she didnt even seem sorry. Now that she has moved, she is posting public posts on social media on how much my other sister helps her (by buying her ice cream) and that she feels so thankful to be close to her. Photos of her and my sisters kids, seems to be visiting her all the time etc. She had never visited my home, had never accompanied me to anywhere, parks, swimming etc with my children and I feel quite hurt! I haven't said anything, I prefer not to make it a big deal as I dont really have the time for the drama. But now I am faced with decisions that I'm unsure what is the right thing to do. As I'm in university from monday to friday, I book all my childrens sports and activities on the weekend. My sisters just asked that I attend 3 weekends in a row the kids birthday parties, baby shower and a housewarming. I would have to travel the 2 hours there and back, which is expensive and also miss my childrens activities. Do I attend? Should I miss my families important schedules for people that dont really reciprocate? Am I being petty? Do I tell them how i feel? I'm not really sure how to feel about it all, I know that I'm hurt by the recent events and there is probably much more to it than I can include here... but I would really appreciate some honest input. Thank you.
  6. I suffer with the exact same issue. You are not alone!!! In fact, I am currently facing something I have put off for over 2 months now. I have really screwed myself over by not doing it... but the longer I let it sit untouched, the harder it seems to be get started on it again. For me, I sit and accept the fact that I am obviously avoiding the issue, I just sit with that and realize it and fully be at peace with that choice. I take the pressure off in other words. What is the worst that can happen If I dont do it? Certainly not death.. maybe just an uncomfortable circumstance. Then I try to visualize what will happen if I DO it. Usually there is a good outcome, maybe unknown, but always positive in some sense. I try to visualize being there, feeling accomplished and proud. Then I begin to start at a tiny part of it, whether that be, buying office supplies, simply sitting at the computer desk. Watching a 'how to' video on YouTube. It gets the gears turning and sets off a bit of motivation for me. Hopefully some of that helps. Good luck:)
  7. Well for 27 years old and being a teacher with a masters degree I would consider that extremely successful. It would have been tough building a house/marriage/kids as well as studying and building your career. Recognize yourself for the great you have done, for all the hard work you have put in and look forward to those things in the near future. If it makes you feel any better, I'm 27, just left an abusive relationship last year and took with me A LOT of debts that weren't because of me. I have 3 children and I struggle from day to day with money as I have no education. Just now am I working towards going to Uni and getting my degree. I just keep remembering to try to stay happy and grateful with what I have done with my life and not compare myself to others. It's the only way!
  8. Thank you for the replies and advice. After a good night sleep, I'm feeling a little less vulnerable and definitely more confident in my next actions. I'm definitely willing to contact HR, I have decided to speak to my doctor and explain that his aggressive behaviour against me and others is causing massive anxiety. I am already being treated for anxiety, so hoping he will be on board with writing me off for a week or 2 to get my ducks in order. I have a phone meeting with the human rights commission officer this evening, a meeting with the unemployment office tomorrow to discuss if the bullying is enough to warrant just cause for voluntarily leaving and waiting to see if HR does anything about the situation. Lots of phone calls and emails to be made up but I definitely think he needs to be stopped so no more people will be the brunt of his bullying behaviour. My resume is polished up and I will be on the job hunt once again. Thanks again :)
  9. Along with taking care of my children's health, therapy for all 4 of us after separating from my abusive ex, dealing with our financial issues, my son being diagnosed with developmental issues and organizing special needs help for him while I am at work... looking for a new job on top of already working 9 hours a day, 5-6 days a week whilst taking care of a 1, 3 and 9 year old alone... all felt very overwhelming. It was just the last thing on my mind.
  10. I had gotten a job a year ago to escape a crappy situation at home. Low paying, grunt work. When I started, I witnessed our general manager cut down at least 3 to 4 other employees. I disagreed with the way he treated others, but since he is the GM and the owner of the company is MIA most of the time, I didn't feel I could say anything or want to get involved. Lately, he has turned on me and I feel at a loss of what to do. 4 weeks ago, my children fell very sick. I managed to work around it as a single parent and arrange care. At the end of the sick stint, I of course caught it and called in for one of my shifts. When I returned to work, I was asked what I was doing at work.. and I had been taken off the schedule that week without notice. When we discussed the matter, he caused a huge uproar about it, accused me of telling tales on my supervisors, pulled everybody in to the office when we were discussing it etc.. I'm pretty shy by nature so I felt very uncomfortable and never mentioned it again. Last week I began to feel pain in my wrist in the evenings after work. I saw my doctor and he diagnosed it as a repetitive motion injury. He told me to report it at work and said he had to report it by law. I reported it to my supervisor who had me fill out some papers but never gave me any other directions. Today our GM was in, I went to him to ask if he received the report and he exploded on me. Accused me and my doctor of lying and having no idea what we were doing. He then called my supervisors in and swore and yelled at them too. All in front of 4 other co workers. I was in tears, I don't handle that kind of confrontation well and he told me to get the out, that I couldn't be there injured. Where do I go from here?? I would report to HR but I honestly feel that it would cause more issues... I have a few numbers to call in the morning about modified duties at work and such.. but I feel SO uncomfortable I can't even think about returning to work under him after how he spoke to me today. I'm a single mother of 3, I work my butt off and have had no other issues at work. I get on well with my supervisors and co workers.. I don't feel it's right to feel bullied out of work. But is there much I can do about it? Wwyd? Thanks in advance.
  11. I left my partner last September. It was a very hard, drawn out process. I felt that it was wrong, I was depressed, anxious and suicidal. He hardly spoke to me, threatened me all the time and just took full advantage of me financially. To be honest, I had a hard time believing it was abuse, even though it seemed very obvious to those around me. I began to read up on it, I stayed at a women's shelter, joined a support group and felt very confident in leaving. I felt free, happy, and very relieved. We had help from the police in removing him and after the initial tantrums he pulled, he seemed to accept it. We have 3 children together, I work full time and honestly sometimes I struggle to keep things upright. I am exhausted, I have very little help and it can be overwhelming at times. I feel he uses this to exploit me a little bit. He will offer to help at times, come and cook supper so I can shower, help me shop for groceries etc... things I legitimately feel grateful for. But when I express that I'm not interested in being in a relationship any longer, he sulks, makes me uncomfortable and also sometimes hints that he's so depressed without us now, that he is suicidal. He expresses he wants to help me out, that he wants to make amends for the pain he has caused, but he doesn't understand that the sulking he also does when he is around makes me so uncomfortable and guilty. At times I'm confused, should I be grateful for the help and allow him to feel the emotions and understand that he is in pain... or am I right in feeling this is just another manipulation tactic and go no contact again? The emotions that comes with the situation are so complex, that I can't fully wrap my head around what is real and what isn't with him. So I would really appreciate some input and advice from outside the box. Thank you.
  12. Thank you so much for ALL the feedback. I work closely with the women's shelter and have a counsellor/support worker that I see every few days and she is amazing. I agree with everything put down here.. to be honest my outlook on life has been amazing since I left. I'm excited, no longer feel held down or trapped, I can talk to old friends again, I can do whatever I like. That alone has me feeling better than I have in years. I know I'm not ready to date, like nowhere near close enough to being ready. Plus right now I'm so darn busy with work, my 3 children and getting us all healthy again fully completely takes up every second I have. I have had men message me on Facebook, ask me out and so on in the past month or 2. I went on a date with a guy a couple of weeks back and it actually made me feel insecure so I knew that it wasn't time for me yet. I just wonder when and if one day I'l ever truly think that not all men are programmed to be abusive if that makes sense.. I would just like to feel at peace.. I feel that I put on a fake persona, like everything is fine. Nothing has happened, I go to work everyday chirpy and I am always in a great mood. My close friends have asked if I'm okay because they worry about the fact that I haven't shown any real sadness yet. I keep wondering where it is and when it is coming. Today was a random day that I felt down, I was worried about things to come, if I'm doing a good job with my kids etc. I also often find that I just don't know who I am anymore. On a night I put my children to bed and think about what I would like to do for that spare hour... and I don't know. It's a strange feeling. Feeling lost. Thank you for the book recommendation, one thing I do a lot of now is read and i have been looking for something worth while!!! I'l check it out!! And Yes, love Zeds dead. How did you know.... Lol
  13. It has been a long year since I began the breakup of my 5 year long relationship with the father of my children.. but only 3-4 months or so since the protection order was put in place and he was removed. It was an abusive relationship, which is something I struggled to come to terms with or even believe. The guilt I felt at the beginning has turned to anger towards him. Sometimes I'm unsure if I still love him or if it is hate. Because of the amount of material I read regarding abuse, I now have a paranoia that everyone that comes into my life is abusive. I am weary of any contact between myself and another man and I usually chalk it up to him having a hidden agenda and stop the contact all together. When will this paranoia stop!? Will I ever heal from this? I don't know how to think, how to act, what I like or dislike. I don't even know who I am anymore... he controlled every aspect to the point that I am lost now. Will I ever know who I am now or am I forever lost? I would really appreciate any feedback, especially from those who may have suffered from abuse as well.
  14. Thank you for the advice. I don't feel my job is in any way in jeopardy, my boss has to know about personal things as there are legal situations regarding the matter and the work place. He is the only one who I share the information needed with. The rest of my co workers do not know the ins and outs of the situation and I believe that is most likely the reason they are being overly bitter to me about my boss dropping my hours. I do just go to work, do my job and come home. But they are annoyed that I haven't been 'sharing' the work load like i once was. I'm just going to put my emotions aside, take it day by day and hope that they will talk out their own issues with our boss so that they don't feel over worked.
  15. Thank you for the advice. I think I'm so caught up in the emotions that I'm just over thinking everything right now. I don't like that they were saying horrible things and it hurts that they would..but il just get on with my own shifts and let them deal with their own. Thanks again.
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