beauxrestes Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 So, after some grieving and crying and putting off responsibilities and wallowing in depression for about two weeks, I've accepted the fact that it's best for my girlfriend of 2 years, LDR of 6 months, and I to break up, to kind of be on our own and independent. She's the one who first brought up breaking up ever since we last fought and I said some hurtful things to her. I am suppressing any more efforts to persuade her to change her decision, and choosing to focus on myself and my hobbies and goals. We talked last night, and we decide we're going to end things together soon. The reason she's still with me is for emotional support and help mourning the breakup, since we were our first serious and deep passionate relationship. She did say a lot of things last night that did have me wondering. For instance, she says that she doesn't regret us being together despite the hardships and pain and suffering times. And that she's insistent on just being a single independent mom and not seeking another man to raise a family with her due to personal fears of disagreements on raising a family (I'm a girl by the way) and the fact that she may never find another person who shares her values and beliefs on family (like I did). She even said that when she removed the middle name (my last name) from our planned child's name, she said it doesn't look or feel right. She also explicitly said she missed the good times we had in our relationship a lot, even growing sad as we talked about it. And lastly, she still wants to keep in contact with me as best friends and hopefully we can still support each other. I however, am thinking that we should have a few weeks of distance for us to grow, as we're used to contacting each other everyday, even after we first broke up after a month of going out, we were still close and texted everyday. I am still insistent we'll someday reconcile and get back together. She's said that though her heart is having trouble letting go of the relationship, her mind can't change on the pain. Perhaps with time and space she'll heal (I've apologized and she's forgiven me already so that's a first step) and we may someday reconnect. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 You can’t truly heal and get over someone if you’re in contact with them. I tried it and it really kept me stuck. Looking back I can see with clarity that my motive was reconciliation the whole time..hers was screwing other men which she was doing and I didn’t learn about until months later being “friends”..I would’ve been smarter to cut her off 100% on day one of her ending it and that’s what you should do too. Link to comment
beauxrestes Posted December 2, 2017 Author Share Posted December 2, 2017 If I cease contact with her 100%, it'll help her heal? Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 If I cease contact with her 100%, it'll help her heal? Who cares if she heals you should only be concerned about yourself and your healing. She mentioned the breakup so now it’s up to you to take care of yourself. And you can’t heal if you’re in contact it’s impossible Link to comment
beauxrestes Posted December 2, 2017 Author Share Posted December 2, 2017 Yeah, I'll definitely cut contact for a bit with her. She does need to know I can't be there all the time to emotionally support her like I already have. Link to comment
shessofly Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 The reason she's still with me is for emotional support and help mourning the breakup, Sorry but she’s using you to get over you (perhaps unintentionally). I concur that nc is the way you should go. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 You are helping here move on to another, by sticking around for emotional support. Not smart. She said nothing that would indicate that she wants to reconcile. Do not respond to her communications after going NC. Better yet, block her. Go NC. Now! Link to comment
beauxrestes Posted December 2, 2017 Author Share Posted December 2, 2017 NC would really help? I'm not yet willing to give her up, but i will move on from the relationship and perhaps come back to start a new budding friendship with her once time passes. But I'll still have hope we'll get past our wounds and reconcile. What would she have to say to hint at reconnecting? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 You need to go NC. She was clear that the relationship is done. You can consider a friendship when there are NO feelings. I would say in a year. Link to comment
beauxrestes Posted December 2, 2017 Author Share Posted December 2, 2017 What if she already wants to pursue a friendship right after the breakup? Since we were also each other's best friends before and during the relationship and have been emotionally supportive. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 What are you not hearing!!! You cannot be friends if there are feelings. It prevents you from moving on, and helps her move onto another guy. It does not matter what she wants, Dude, either you follow our advice, or you don't. Good luck! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 Are you ready to hear about new boyfriends, as you are her friend? Link to comment
beauxrestes Posted December 2, 2017 Author Share Posted December 2, 2017 Good point, sorry for not paying attention. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 What if she already wants to pursue a friendship right after the breakup? Since we were also each other's best friends before and during the relationship and have been emotionally supportive. If I recall from your previous thread, you and your ex are both only about 18 or 19, correct? I ask because while the two of you may not have a lot of experience under your belt yet, those of us who have been down this road can tell you that friendship between exes in the immediate aftermath of a break-up is generally quite unrealistic. You might think it's a great idea and perhaps a way to get her back...until she starts seeing someone else. Trust me when I tell you being friends won't seem like a such a smart move anymore when that happens. One is not truly ready to be friends with an ex until they reach the point of being indifferent about the idea of their ex meeting a new partner. Unless and until you get to that point, being close buds won't end well for you because you still have feelings for her. Link to comment
beauxrestes Posted December 2, 2017 Author Share Posted December 2, 2017 If I recall from your previous thread, you and your ex are both only about 18 or 19, correct? I ask because while the two of you may not have a lot of experience under your belt yet, those of us who have been down this road can tell you that friendship between exes in the immediate aftermath of a break-up is generally quite unrealistic. You might think it's a great idea and perhaps a way to get her back...until she starts seeing someone else. Trust me when I tell you being friends won't seem like a such a smart move anymore when that happens. One is not truly ready to be friends with an ex until they reach the point of being indifferent about the idea of their ex meeting a new partner. Unless and until you get to that point, being close buds won't end well for you because you still have feelings for her. We both have went out with another person before we went out with each other, so we have a little experience on what we want from it. And we both talked today, and she's agreed to not being friends right off the bat. She has, though, agreed to visit my town in a few months when she can so we can catch up in the future, which I think is a great sign for rekindling once we move on. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 You're long distance, so it shouldn't be hard to move on. remember you're no longer a couple, you have no obligation to support her emotionally. Hold off trying to be friends. It doesn't work when there's feelings involved. All it will do is set you back and keep you stuck. Believe me, I just went through it, and he cut me off cold turkey. Hurt like hell, but when he reached out again a week ago after almost three months, it was easy talking to him. I don't even have the desire to reach out now, where as before it was killing me not to. You will find having NC will help you be able to do the same. Good luck. Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 I think if she doesn't want to have you, why does she still get to have you? Either be together or don't. Half-***ing it only prolongs pain and shows you're willing to settle for less. Link to comment
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