Weird response to trying to meet up?

[dino7994]

So my ex broke up with me after a year long relationship. He moved away for army training so we are now states away. He’s always said he isn’t good with distance, so that definitely was a large factor in the breakup. I also think it was a bit of GIGS as it was his first more serious relationship and all his friends down there are single and just having a good time. He said I was an amazing partner and was always there for him and that meant more than he could express. There were no hard feelings. Anyway, I went no contact for about a month so that I could work on moving on and feeling like myself. He texted three days after the breakup and I wasn’t ready to respond so I didn’t. He also snap chatted me during the month twice. I also didn’t respond to those.

 

A little over a month went by and he saw something on my snap story that I guess concerned him and he texted asking if I was ok because he was a little worried. I responded saying I was fine and we had a brief conversation and he was pretty talkative. We have had several conversations since then where he has always asked questions about me and what’s going on and we have joked around slightly flirtatiously too. When he heard I now have an Xbox he requested my name so we can play together. Anyway, we definitely aren’t back to talking like we used to there’s still a little wall up on both ends I think. Me because he broke up with me and I’m protecting myself and him because I ignored him and then was slightly cold, which he wasn’t expecting or used to.

 

Anyway, I’m going to be in his area in a week for a conference so I asked if he’d like to grab food or hang out one day. He responded saying he’d have to check his schedule because he didn’t know what was going on. I know he would worry that it would be awkward so I responded “ok, promise it wouldn’t be awkward and would be a good time!” To which he responded that he didn’t know how he would be if we saw one another. I asked what he meant and he said “Like how I’d react, I don’t know.” So I responded ok, I just figured it would be nice to catch up and that we always have a good time together so I wasn’t worried. He responded “I think I need to sleep on this. Right now I'm skeptical because for some reason I think it'd be negative somehow. I'll talk to you later.” I guess I’m confused because I don’t get why he feels it would be negative? There were no negative feelings at all ever so I’m not sure what’s going on and what he means by that. I’d love some opinions.

[Wiseman2]

If you can be just friends ok. But if being in his orbit prevents you from moving on or dating local guys who want what you want, then it may be time to not let him back in this much.

[AshleyJay]

What would you like to get out of seeing him?

For me it looks like he is doing quite well but he knows/fears that seeing you will make him miserable or at least set back his progress after the break up.

His new environment has protected him so far, it might be something he doesn’t want to give up.

[Viewcart]

Stop chasing him, he broke up with you, and from the sounds of it, he doesn't want you in his life. He's right, what's the purpose of meeting up with him? If he wanted to see you he would jump to the opportunity but he obviously isn't interested.

[kbbcoop77]

You’re not ready to meet as friends..at least he isn’t. I’d leave him alone for a year or 2 then see how you feel about being friends.

[Hollyj]

You can't be friends if there are feelings.

 

He reached out, to make himself feel better - not the bad guy. He does not want to meet up.

 

You need to block and go strict NC, or you are only going to cause yourself pain.

[dino7994]

To answer all above who asked what I wanted to get out of seeing him: honestly, just to catch up with him and see him since I'll be in the area. We were friends before our relationship, and he had always made a point of saying he wanted to be friends after. He's friendly with all of his exes. I've been casually seeing other people, and at the moment don't really have desire to get back with him, though I'd be open to the idea if the situation were to become right again (aka both in the same area).

 

An update:

He and I talked a bit yesterday after I sent a snapchat. He again was asking some questions and telling me about what he had been doing and what his week looked like. He was a bit more cold and distant than usual though so at the end of the conversation I let him know I could leave him alone from now on, to which he responded "I think I could use a break from talking for a bit." I tried to clarify why and he just responded "Sometimes people need space." Which is kind of the rudest response I've ever gotten from him ever. I guess I don't know why he's become more cold and shut off toward me.

 

I don't know if it's because at first I ignored his first attempts to reach out and when I finally did respond a month later after his concern of my snap story I eventually stopped responding. He started another conversation a few days later and we actually went back and forth in asking questions and stuff, and I ended the conversation as I was going out. From then on it has been me initiating contact via snapchat or text. He was pretty talkative during those next conversations asking how I had been and whatnot and sending lengthy texts about stuff going on with him. Asked him about a burger he got at this one place we went because I was going the next night and wanted to try it and he asked me to let him know how I liked it and I didn't. So that was my fault. But at the end of that conversation we were joking around and flirting about something that happened when we were together once.

 

Later on he found out I was in the hospital for surgery and we had a conversation about that and about how I got my xbox and he wanted my name so we could play. Ended up falling asleep so not responding to the last text in that conversation. The next time we talked the fact that I was casually seeing someone else came up, and that's when he started ending conversations by not responding to texts. He asked about my surgery and I told him and mentioned the other guy and then he asked what the timeline for my next few days looked like and then never responded again. Then the next day I had asked why he wanted to know what my timeline was and he said it was because he was curious about what the recovery time was and asked how I was feeling. Again we went back and forth and joked around a bit but the conversation ended with him not responding. I then wished him a happy thanksgiving a few days later and again he stopped responding. I asked about seeing him and that's what lead to the post above.

 

I guess I don't know why it's like this. I figured he'd be fine since he broke up with me, we had a month of no contact in which I assumed he'd get over it, and since he's in contact and friendly with his other exes (there are only two of them, one of which treated him like crap and played him for everything he was worth), and has always said he'd want to be friends, I figured I'd try. I don't know why he's gone more cold and distant even though we have been talking fine and why he doesn't want to meet and needs space. He seems to feel negatively about me right now and I have no clue what I've done or why.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this happened. However, it gives you a lot of food for thought reguarding not being in the friend-zone and needing space for yourself as well.

he responded "I think I could use a break from talking for a bit." I tried to clarify why and he just responded "Sometimes people need space."

[dino7994]

Sorry to hear this happened. However, it gives you a lot of food for thought reguarding not being in the friend-zone and needing space for yourself as well.

 

Can I clarify what you mean by not being in the friendzone?

[Wiseman2]

Friendzone is when you are trying to be friends but actually have feelings beyond that.

Can I clarify what you mean by not being in the friendzone?

[Pleasedonot5]

Never assume the dumper isn't in pain. It's painful to break up with someone.

 

He misses you, but you two are playing some sort of power game subconsciously and it's probably not feeling too great. You shouldn't be trying to keep in contact so soon after a break-up. This will prevent either of you from moving on completely.

 

Last thing - his request for space wasn't rude at all. Sometimes people need space is correct.

[dino7994]

Sorry to keep adding more to this but stuff keeps happening and I’m so confused. On Wednesday I posted a photo of me eating lunch with a male friend and mutual friends told me my ex got a tinder that night after seeing it. Obviously don’t know if that’s related but it was something strange. He still looks at all the stuff I post and today I was going to look up a friend with the same first name on Facebook and noticed my ex didn’t show up on my friends list anymore. Turns out he took me off Snapchat, unfollowed my instagram, and unfriended me on Facebook. We haven’t talked since Monday when he said he needed a break from talking. I haven’t done anything out of the ordinary. I guess I’m just confused and questioning what’s going on. Did I do something?

I want to stay friends and now I’m worried I won’t ever hear from him again.

Why is this happening? Because there are unresolved feelings on his behalf? He doesn’t want anything to do with me? I don’t get it. He’s friends with all his other exes.

[SethSLC]

It sounds like he may have found comfort in the familiarity of talking with you again. But, especially if we're the ones who broke up with you, if a guy wants a girl he will almost always make his intentions known. He doesn't seem to be chasing you with that intention just based on what I've read. Bear in mind that we all get anxiety, but a lot of people have it worse than others. We're often not aware of it let alone how to manage it but he could have anxiety of breaking up with you and think you hate him and would never want him again so he's unwilling to risk himself.

 

As for the removing of social media after seeing you with a guy, well... yeah that's a kneejerk reaction of -for-tat. It's also a way of not having to see something that will cause us pain. If more pics of you with guys comes across any of his feeds it will reopen wounds.

 

Think no more on the social media, you're too focused on what every little thing means and your brain and anxiety and fear will make "assumptions" of what it means when the truth is you don't know! Only he knows why he does things. So either ask him point blank or stop trying to attach your own reasons for his actions.

 

My last suggestion is maybe, if you honestly feel this way, tell him you have no bad feelings towards him about the breakup.

[Pleasedonot5]

Sorry to keep adding more to this but stuff keeps happening and I’m so confused. On Wednesday I posted a photo of me eating lunch with a male friend and mutual friends told me my ex got a tinder that night after seeing it. Obviously don’t know if that’s related but it was something strange. He still looks at all the stuff I post and today I was going to look up a friend with the same first name on Facebook and noticed my ex didn’t show up on my friends list anymore. Turns out he took me off Snapchat, unfollowed my instagram, and unfriended me on Facebook. We haven’t talked since Monday when he said he needed a break from talking. I haven’t done anything out of the ordinary. I guess I’m just confused and questioning what’s going on. Did I do something?

I want to stay friends and now I’m worried I won’t ever hear from him again.

Why is this happening? Because there are unresolved feelings on his behalf? He doesn’t want anything to do with me? I don’t get it. He’s friends with all his other exes.

He's removing you from social media to heal and move on. It will help both of you not to look at each other's social media. That's all.