breaking up with someone clingy

[chewett]

Five years ago, I got into a relationship for the wrong reasons. I could never rely my mom for support or assistance. I always sought out boyfriends for help. Five years later, I have a good job, paying bills and finished school. I am still in this relationship with a guy who believes I love him. I talked with him and told him that I'm done. He doesn't believe me. He wants to marry and have kids. I was in this relationship for survival reasons not emotions. I just want to move on. The bad thing is I still rely on him. The car I drive is in his name and he pays my car insurance. If something happens, I rely on him. I have no one else to rely on. If I try to make friends, he gets jealous. He's become possessive. I wish he could see how unhappy I am. I lived a lie and made myself believe I loved him when I knew it wasn't the truth. I want to get out and heal my emotions and be single.

[Keyman]

Then do it. Break up with him, be single, heal and learn to rely on yourself. If you do not love him or want to be with him for anything more than just the use of the car and him paying for your insurance, then end it. You are just leading him on and using him. By posting here you are admitting that you want to change this situation, so do it. Yes, it will come with consequences, and you need this to break your cycle of need.

 

Also, note that your bf is suffering from White Knight Syndrome and you in being the Damsel in Distress that needs to be saved. Now you don't need to be saved anymore, according to you, but he still wants to rescue you, and his possessiveness and neediness is symptom of this.

 

Do both of you a bit favour and break up. Then heal and stay single for as long as it takes to want to be with someone because you want someone in your life, and not because you need someone there for support.

[DancingFool]

The only person you can ever really rely on is yourself. The day you understand that is the day you'll feel liberated from your past.

 

As for this guy, if you are living together, then move out. Also, hand him his car back and go get yourself a car since you are well employed and capable. Don't ask him to help you do anything in terms of buying. Go do it on your own. Also, be honest with yourself - you aren't relying on him, you are using him....call a spade a spade..... Since you no longer need or want to use him and be that kind of a person, you boot him out. You don't say things like "I don't love you." What you do say is "Sorry, it's over, we are done." and then actually move on. Quit talking with him, quit using him, quit all contact.

[Unreasonable]

You can't be a user and expect people to not think there's more to the relationship, unless you flat out say "look bud, I'm just using you."

 

Buy your own car, pay your own insurance, take care of your own crap, and stop stringing along dudes to use them.

[Starlight925]

Like a bandaid. Just rip yourself out of this relationship.

 

I did this too when I was young, staying with someone (heck I married him) because he was crazy about me and willing to support me financially, emotionally, etc., but I had no love for him, nor was I even ready for that type of relationship.

 

The best thing I did for myself, and for him, was to leave him. This forced me to grow up, and it allowed him to find someone else.

 

I realized once I left, that even though I had a college degree, I had never really balanced a checkbook (shows you how old I am, lol), or even realized there was an electricity bill. I went from being taken care of by my parents, to living in a sorority house, straight to husband.

 

I still look back on my post-divorce years (age 25) as some of the best in my life.

[Rustysuit]

Five years ago, I got into a relationship for the wrong reasons. I could never rely my mom for support or assistance. I always sought out boyfriends for help. Five years later, I have a good job, paying bills and finished school. I am still in this relationship with a guy who believes I love him. I talked with him and told him that I'm done. He doesn't believe me. He wants to marry and have kids. I was in this relationship for survival reasons not emotions. I just want to move on. The bad thing is I still rely on him. The car I drive is in his name and he pays my car insurance. If something happens, I rely on him. I have no one else to rely on. If I try to make friends, he gets jealous. He's become possessive. I wish he could see how unhappy I am. I lived a lie and made myself believe I loved him when I knew it wasn't the truth. I want to get out and heal my emotions and be single.

 

You sound like a freaking spoiled train wreck that doesn't know what she has or wants. Also just shame on you for leading this guy on for so many years and basically using him for your own selfish reasons.

 

Edit because I'm pissed at you for being a horrible person to this dude: tell him exactly what you told us. Tell him you used him and that you're done with him now. Don't let him pine over you and show him the real person you are so it's easier for him to move on. It's the least you can do after what you did.

[Capricorn3]

Five years later, I have a good job, paying bills and finished school..

If that's the case then you have no reason to rely on him anymore. You have a good job, earning money and paying your own bills. Stop using him. Tell him the relationship is not working for you, pack your bags and leave. You need to be single for a good long while and rely on yourself.

[Mikey383]

You sound like a freaking spoiled train wreck that doesn't know what she has or wants. Also just shame on you for leading this guy on for so many years and basically using him for your own selfish reasons.

 

Edit because I'm pissed at you for being a horrible person to this dude: tell him exactly what you told us. Tell him you used him and that you're done with him now. Don't let him pine over you and show him the real person you are so it's easier for him to move on. It's the least you can do after what you did.

 

Heck yeah....I agree Rustysuit... Shame on you for using this guy.... Have some self dignity.