he likes me / he likes me not!

[daniella84]

apologies for the long post. But I would like to know whether this date went well or not? is he going to be interested in continuing this or not . Thanks in advance

 

i am 34 an he is 43. I am divorced and he is a widower. we met online. he was not much into chatting. i basically pinged him. he chatted for a few days on and off and then the chats became very very sporadic..he would only respond if i messaged something. I tried for a few days and one day directly asked him, if he doesnt want to continue. this is when he told me, he is going through cancer treatment. these are the final stages of the treatment and he will be fine in a few months. since he has lost all his hair, he didnt want to meet. i showed understanding and offerred support. then he said he had to go out of country for work for a few days. he chats became almost zero once he left. he did once sent me a few pictures of stanford university, which he visited while on his trip, coz i had mentioned once that i love ivy league uni campuses. but apart from that no communication.

I finally messaged him one day , that i dont think he is interested . so i am just saying goodbye, since it the polite thing to do. and left it there. he messaged back saying he is interested to meet once he comes back. just a one line message. i again continued messaging him, but very sporadic and only if he messaged first. anyhow, once he got back to the country, he did call me a few times and finally we met yesterday.

my first impression when i met him is that he is socially awkward. he said hello and then said i must photoshop my pictueres coz i look so different in real life. I didnt like that comment, and asked him why, and he changed words saying i look better in real life. basiclly just a comeback to save the situation. we decided to go to a nearby coffee shop, but he decided to pick up his dry cleaning first( which was 5 mins away). we went to the dry cleaning store together, and his stuff wasnt ready. by then i was already feeling awkward and thinking of ways to end the date at teh soonest, in a polite manner. we finally sat down. he seemed very very guarded at first. i kept looking at my chance to end the date nicely. but slowly we started gelling (at least i think so) . i asked a lot about his life and he answered. lot of it as factual information. he asked me little and i answered little. he seemed guarded the entire time. finally after 2 hours he seemed to open up. by then i had to end the date because i had to take a work related conference call. I told him that i have to now close the date, and prep for the next 30 mins befor my calls happen. i expected him to say goodbye and leave. but he continued sitting while i did my work on my laptop. then he said he will go pick up teh dry cleaning and come back. i said he can directly leave, but he said he will come back. which he did. by that time i was already in my call. he came and sat on the chair next to me instead of the one one which he was siting earlier, which was opposite and hence a little further away. he moved all the stuff from this chair rto that and just sat, which i continued taking my call. he got me a coffee which i was on the call, to make me feel better. after about 30 mins he left. and he said he really enjoyed meeting me. he waited for his cab and then left. after a while he called me from the cab. we spoke for sometime. i asked him about his erractic chatting pattern earlier and he siad he didnt want to chat much without meeting,as he didnt want to give false hopes. he said he is leaving for US again for 10 days and may be we will catch up again once he is back. i made a joke that that is only going to be in Jan or Feb, going byy his pattern, but he said no way and we should meet soon.

 

he caled me again later i the night to see if i have reached home safe.

then he messaged me in teh morning today. he was on plane wifi, asking me if i slept well. and wished me a good day. since then no messages, its been about 7-8 hours. he might either be asleep or resting . dunno.

 

anyhow, thats the most detailed account. do u think we have a chance.. do he like me.. or is he being weird. all perspectives welcome.

[Eahlswith]

Hey, I might need to read this through again but I was given some advice which I am currently taking which is - if you're not sure if he likes you or not it's highly likely he doesn't.

 

Either that OR he's got a lot going on re his health and his focus is not on relationships atm but himself which is probably what it should be to be fair as without his health he can't do much else unfortunately. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. If he gets in touch mirror him but don't over-invest, it doesn't seem like a goer from what I'm reading.

[daniella84]

Thank you Eahlswith. this really helps. I was hoping that i am reading it wrong, but you are right . he doesnt seem like he is available for a relationship at the moment. I needed to hear this. Thank you again

[Andrina]

I could be wrong but my BS meter is pinging. He's in cancer treatment enough to lose his hair and yet he's traveling immediately, and this much, for work? At the beginning, you made more of the effort. Don't ever do that. You need to gauge a person's interest without prodding them. I suggest you, if you're not, keep up with girlfriends and hobbies so that you're not counting the hours that a new prospect isn't getting back to you. If he's socially weird, why are you so interested? Just reading what you wrote, he doesn't seem too promising to me. I'd keep an open mind to dating other prospects and to try meetups.com if you haven't. Be careful and don't meet this new guy at his place if he asks you out again. You don't know enough about him yet, and there's something off about him. Take care.

[Eahlswith]

Hey Andrina, I have to say I had a funny feeling after reading the post again but I guess I put a little too much faith in people - perhaps I should be more cautious and so should Daniella. Difficult one isn't it but instinct speaks for a lot so Daniella this will guide you more than anything - don't be afraid to listen to your gut

[DancingFool]

I have to agree with Andrina that my bs meter went off as well. He tells you that he is in cancer treatment, but at the same time, almost immediately, he is jetting around the world for work? Sorry but the two don't go together like that. On top of that he was never that interested in talking to you, pretty much told you that he doesn't like how you look in real life v your pics, he was totally rude to you during your meet up by wanting to go get his dry cleaning.

 

Honestly, I'm a little bit speechless here. Why on earth are you chasing a complete stranger who is acting like an azz and raising red flags all over the place, like he is the love of your life. I mean....come on......

 

Also what is all that about "gosh you just aren't that interested, I guess I'll just stop texting you." Seriously? If you think that, then you simply stop pinging the guy over and over. There is no reason to say good bye to someone you don't even know or have never met before. Don't force attention from strangers because that just makes you look desperate and ripe to be taken advantage of and not in a good way.

[daniella84]

Thanks a lot Andrina. this is really helpful. I was quite ready to end the whole thing, after the first hour of meeting hime yesterday. things were falling in place that he really doesnt care about the whole thing. however, a couple of things - he lives quite far away , and i had suggested a coffee place right next to my house and he came. also the way he was towards the end of the date, it felt like he is really interested.

 

On another note, i think i am generally being a tad bit desperate. i am newly single and not liking this phase and the uncertainity that comes with it. i live in a country where being single at this age is a huge social taboo. plus i dont really have a life of my own. i should be working on that right now i think. i had a recent breakup after a emotionally abusive relationship of a coupe of years. so i might be dealing with teh after effects of that - namely under confidence and desperation

[DancingFool]

Thanks a lot Andrina. this is really helpful. I was quite ready to end the whole thing, after the first hour of meeting hime yesterday. things were falling in place that he really doesnt care about the whole thing. however, a couple of things - he lives quite far away , and i had suggested a coffee place right next to my house and he came. also the way he was towards the end of the date, it felt like he is really interested.

 

On another note, i think i am generally being a tad bit desperate. i am newly single and not liking this phase and the uncertainity that comes with it. i live in a country where being single at this age is a huge social taboo. plus i dont really have a life of my own. i should be working on that right now i think. i had a recent breakup after a emotionally abusive relationship of a coupe of years. so i might be dealing with teh after effects of that - namely under confidence and desperation

 

Please stop. Take a deep breath and just stop. Be single, get your head screwed on straight, work on your social life and really work on feeling good by yourself. Get some counseling for the abuse if it's available. Your currently state of flux and desperation is literally driving you straight into another potentially abusive situation. You are oblivious to red flags and desperately reading something positive into every day nonsense. Just because a guy will come to your neck of the woods to meet you, doesn't mean he likes you. It means nothing actually outside of basic customary civilities. Also, apparently his dry cleaning was nearby..... Ugh....please don't be so desperate for a man that you tell yourself this crap. You ARE already a whole person and a likable one, so you get to be a whole lot more selective than this desperate chase.

[Honeycomb8]

Stay single for at least 7-8 months and work on yourself. How do you expect a good quality guy to be attracted, if you don't have your life sorted and you lack such self confidence? Desperation is NOT hot; it pushes ppl away, while the ones that stay normally have an agenda too.

 

 

You are capable of standing on your own two feet by yourself. If you can't, you must work until you're happy in your own skin, you like your life and feel good being single. ONLY then will you be ready.

[reinventmyself]

Please stop. Take a deep breath and just stop. Be single, get your head screwed on straight, work on your social life and really work on feeling good by yourself. Get some counseling for the abuse if it's available. Your currently state of flux and desperation is literally driving you straight into another potentially abusive situation. You are oblivious to red flags and desperately reading something positive into every day nonsense. Just because a guy will come to your neck of the woods to meet you, doesn't mean he likes you. It means nothing actually outside of basic customary civilities. Also, apparently his dry cleaning was nearby..... Ugh....please don't be so desperate for a man that you tell yourself this crap. You ARE already a whole person and a likable one, so you get to be a whole lot more selective than this desperate chase.

 

Add in, as I read the entire post. . you didn't seem particularly keen on him anyway.

Why to focus on whether he liked you or not? Him liking you isn't a measure of your worth.

 

Stay single for a while longer. Sometimes when we are hungry, we'll eat just about anything.