No erection - Did I make the right decision?

[Thainara]

Hello everyone, I would like to have opinions, especially from guys...

 

I met this guy online and we exchanged some messages and he asked me out on the same day. We went to a pub near my place and we had a great time. He sounded very sweet and thoughtful.

We went out other 3 times in the time frame of 2 weeks and all was good. Good communication and he was sounding serious.

The fourth date was in his place and he grilled some meat and we had wine... we go to his living room and make out in the couch (no sex)... he takes me home.

All good so far.

Then the next day (last Saturday) he invites me again to go to his place. By this time I knew we were going to have sex.

He was in a work related event and he told me he would have to stay till late and that I could go to his place next day (Sunday) but he would love to see me on Saturday.

 

Since he was being so nice I said I could wait till he was done with the event. He came to pick me up at 11:30pm. We went to his place, he got some wine for us, put romantic songs on and we stayed in the couch for a couple of hours talking and kissing and hugging... all good.

 

Then we started to make out and we got naked (of course)... and then I realized he was not hard (I'm 54 and he's 51)... alright, I was a little disappointed but understanding and I tried everything to make things work out... nothing!

 

Then we stayed on the couch kissing and hugging and he asked me if I wanted to sleep over or go home. I said, this is your house, it's your call. Then he said he wanted me to sleep over.

 

We went to bed and fell asleep around 3:30 in the morning. At 7ish in the morning he started to kiss me and came over me... no hardness again. I mean NOTHING! Then I was really disappointed and I asked him if I was not turning him on... he said of course you are, you're very hot... these things happen sometimes, I think I drunk a little too much last night. I didn't say anything and he got up from bed and went somewhere in the house.

 

I got back to sleep because I was still very sleepy... around 8:00 I felt his hand in my back, I opened my eyes and he said I should get up because he was going to take me home as he needed to run errands... Whaaaat????

 

I got up, got dressed and he even didn't offer me a glass of water... we jumped in the car and the drop me off in my place.

 

A few hours later a sent him a message saying that things hadn't worked out well between us last night and today in the morning and worst he had treated me like a waking me up early in the morning saying I needed to go... and that if he had told me before that he would be busy during the day I would have asked him to take me home the night before. And then I ended up saying thank your for the good moments and best of luck.

 

I mean seriously? In our first time together the guy can not get hard? Why he didn't take care of that with a pill? And I really felt awful when he asked me to get up because he had to run errands... so rude and disrespectful!

 

A friend told me that certainly he was embarrassed and didn't want me around because he was afraid of not getting hard again.

 

Even though it was very rude and he told me the night before that he wanted me to sleep over when I asked him.

 

Now I see he still checking out my profile... do you guys think it was an one time thing or he has some problem? Also wasn't he rude asking me to wake up so early, treating me like a ?

[Starlight925]

I'm going to be blunt: you were wrong to send that text.

 

He probably felt horrible. He probably was a combination of nervous, drunk, and....well...51.

 

And no, he shouldn't "take care of it" with a blue pill. He would have had to have taken it earlier, and he wouldn't want to seem presumptuous.

 

Here this nice guy takes you out a few times, cooks for you, and has a difficult evening. He tried earlier in the morning, and he was probably so embarrassed.

 

So you slam the crap out of him in a text.

 

Your loss.

[Starlight925]

I have to add:

 

If we had a guy posting that he sent that text to a girl because she couldn't get wet, and she didn't "take care of it" with lube, we'd slam him into next week.

[mustlovedogs]

Waking you up at 8 isn't early, FYI. That's a very reasonable time to wake up.

 

Plus I agree with the above.

[Thainara]

I'm going to be blunt: you were wrong to send that text.

 

He probably felt horrible. He probably was a combination of nervous, drunk, and....well...51.

 

And no, he shouldn't "take care of it" with a blue pill. He would have had to have taken it earlier, and he wouldn't want to seem presumptuous.

 

Here this nice guy takes you out a few times, cooks for you, and has a difficult evening. He tried earlier in the morning, and he was probably so embarrassed.

 

So you slam the crap out of him in a text.

 

Your loss.

 

 

I would not care about the "erection" thing. What really hurt me was the way he woke me up in the morning telling me I should go. Like I said, I asked him if he wanted me to stay and I'm not a wh*re ... he also made me feel very bad. And if he knew he had a problem, he should have taken care of it earlier... I don't care if my partner has to take pills, but be waken up in a hurry to leave really hurts.

[Thainara]

Waking you up at 8 isn't early, FYI. That's a very reasonable time to wake up.

 

Plus I agree with the above.

 

 

I've never been treated like this after sleeping with a guy... and if you consider we went to bed at 3:30, yes 8:00 is very early.

[Starlight925]

It's early to you, but maybe not to him. And he probably was really embarrassed. He didn't want to face you.

 

Give the poor guy a break. Assume the positive.

 

Gosh, you're a tough crowd.

[Thainara]

Waking you up at 8 isn't early, FYI. That's a very reasonable time to wake up.

 

Plus I agree with the above.

 

 

Sorry but I've never gone through this before after sleeping with a guy... and considering we went to bed at 3:30, yes 8:00 is too early.

[Starlight925]

Im DONE with you and your short-sighted self.

[Thainara]

It's early to you, but maybe not to him. And he probably was really embarrassed. He didn't want to face you.

 

Give the poor guy a break. Assume the positive.

 

Gosh, you're a tough crowd.

 

 

Well, if he was embarrassed he could have talked to me... trust me, I felt horrible when he told me I had to go, plus he could have told me before that he would be busy.

[rosephase]

I would not care about the "erection" thing. What really hurt me was the way he woke me up in the morning telling me I should go. Like I said, I asked him if he wanted me to stay and I'm not a wh*re ... he also made me feel very bad. And if he knew he had a problem, he should have taken care of it earlier... I don't care if my partner has to take pills, but be waken up in a hurry to leave really hurts.

 

He wasn't treating you like a wh*re.

 

Also genitals not being ready for sex isn't always as simple as "take a pill". He also offered for you to come over some evening that wasn't going to start to late. You are taking his erection personally. Which is the least supportive thing you can do for someone with any kind of ED. And he might not even have ED I know some guys who can't get up early in a relationship because it's so new and it has nothing to do with attartcion just the stress and anxiety of a new connection.

[Careerchoice]

I got back to sleep because I was still very sleepy... around 8:00 I felt his hand in my back, I opened my eyes and he said I should get up because he was going to take me home as he needed to run errands... Whaaaat????

 

There's nothing strange about this. You're being unreasonable.

 

I got up, got dressed and he even didn't offer me a glass of water... we jumped in the car and the drop me off in my place.

 

If you wanted a glass of water, you should have asked for it. We're not mind readers.

 

A few hours later a sent him a message saying that things hadn't worked out well between us last night and today in the morning and worst he had treated me like a waking me up early in the morning saying I needed to go...

 

You're jumping to an incorrect conclusion. Nothing in his actions leads me to believe he viewed you like a ****

 

and that if he had told me before that he would be busy during the day I would have asked him to take me home the night before.

 

And how was he supposed to know what you wanted without you telling him? You have unreasonable expectations.

 

And then I ended up saying thank your for the good moments and best of luck.

 

I hope he doesn't message you back after all the abuse you dished out on him through you text.

 

I mean seriously? In our first time together the guy can not get hard?

 

Hmm. Maybe it was because he drank to much like he said? Maybe it's because he's a bit older and it's not in his complete control anymore? Maybe he's like me who had testicular cancer and had an 8 hour surgery which ripped apart his insides so that now things don't work like they used to? How insensitive of you. We're not machines.

 

Why he didn't take care of that with a pill?

 

And if he did, other girls would have been offended by the fact he needed to take a pill to get hard. He has no idea what you would think. And those pills aren't magic bullets. They don't always work that well. You should educate yourself on these issues before having such strong opinions on them.

 

And I really felt awful when he asked me to get up because he had to run errands... so rude and disrespectful!

 

Nothing rude or disrespectful about this.

 

A friend told me that certainly he was embarrassed and didn't want me around because he was afraid of not getting hard again.

 

Probably! It's embarrassing for a guy.

 

Now I see he still checking out my profile... do you guys think it was an one time thing or he has some problem? Also wasn't he rude asking me to wake up so early, treating me like a ?

 

Save him the misery and don't message him again until you learn some compassion and empathy. He sounds like a good guy who deserves better than the way you've treated him.

[Careerchoice]

but be waken up in a hurry to leave really hurts.

 

Maybe because he was up late drinking with you that night, he woke up late and really had errands to take care of? You assume the worst in him when his explanation is extremely plausible. You're incorrect to do this.

[Careerchoice]

Everyone on this thread is going to tell you that you acted incorrectly. I have a feeling you're still going to think you did nothing wrong and that it's all his fault. If that's the case, you can't be reasoned with.

 

A message to guys dating out there: don't settle for this type of treatment. In a world of over 3.5 billion women, you can find one that will treat you better than this. Demand more.

[lostandhurt]

Hold on a second.

 

I am 53 and can go 2 or 3 times a night so his age at 51 doesn't mean he automatically cannot get an erection.

 

Also he knew where the evening was going when they were making out on the couch so if he had ED and needed pharmaceutical help he could have excused himself and took something.

 

Lastly it was not very gentlemanly to rush her out the door after she waited till 11:30 to see him.

 

Was he embarrassed? I am sure he was but he put himself in this situation knowing sex was on the table and I seriously doubt this was the first time he has had a problem getting a boner so why didn't he speak up or let her know up front that he needs a little help performing.

 

To answer your question: I would never do what he did without at least offering to grab some breakfast somewhere close by.

 

I am sure it wasn't the first time he had issues and knew when you were making out that there was nothing happening down there.

 

Just chalk this up to dating and meeting the wrong guy for you. I am sure you will meet someone soon that clicks better with you in all areas. Next time skip the text explaining how he messed up and just let him know it was nice meeting him but you don't think the two of you are a good match.

 

Lost

 

Lost

[Careerchoice]

Also he knew where the evening was going when they were making out on the couch so if he had ED and needed pharmaceutical help he could have excused himself and took something.

 

So every time you have a girl over and you're making out, you expect sex?

[j.man]

I mean seriously?

 

errrrmergerrddd!

 

A few hours later a sent him a message saying that things hadn't worked out well between us last night and today in the morning and worst he had treated me like a waking me up early in the morning saying I needed to go... and that if he had told me before that he would be busy during the day I would have asked him to take me home the night before. And then I ended up saying thank your for the good moments and best of luck.

You really told him.

[lostandhurt]

So every time you have a girl over and you're making out, you expect sex?

 

4th date, already had a make out session, picked her up at 11:30 and go right back to my place and start making out pretty heavy and she is responding favorably I would say yes I am thinking sex is a distinct possibility.

 

I am sure this wasn't his first rodeo with a limp rope so he knew he couldn't just wish that a stiffy would magically appear between his legs.

 

Neither one of them handled the situation all that great but he is far from innocent in all this.

 

Lost

[Thainara]

He wasn't treating you like a wh*re.

 

Also genitals not being ready for sex isn't always as simple as "take a pill". He also offered for you to come over some evening that wasn't going to start to late. You are taking his erection personally. Which is the least supportive thing you can do for someone with any kind of ED. And he might not even have ED I know some guys who can't get up early in a relationship because it's so new and it has nothing to do with attartcion just the stress and anxiety of a new connection.

 

 

But I feel bad for that too, I was embarrassed myself. I thought he was not enough attracted to me... and I was still sleeping and he woke me up to to leave. I really felt bad with that... I had understood he was going to be free and we could spend more time together. That's the way I felt... like a wh*ore. He didn't offer me a cup of coffee, nothing. Was he really nice doing this?

[Thainara]

errrrmergerrddd!

 

You really told him.

 

Yes I did, I hoped we could spend some more time together and talk and snuggle in bed. Also when I wake up, I need sometime to get me going... a cup of coffee or something. Didn't I deserve that consideration? If he felt bad with his performance, I did too.. it's not only the guy that is affected when they can't get hard. The women also think she's not attractive of hot enough. Have you ever thought about that?

[Careerchoice]

But I feel bad for that too, I was embarrassed myself. I thought he was not enough attracted to me... and I was still sleeping and he woke me up to to leave. I really felt bad with that... I had understood he was going to be free and we could spend more time together. That's the way I felt... like a wh*ore. He didn't offer me a cup of coffee, nothing. Was he really nice doing this?

 

Just because you understood it to be different, doesn't mean that's his fault. Nothing he did sounds wrong.

[Careerchoice]

Also when I wake up, I need sometime to get me going... a cup of coffee or something. Didn't I deserve that consideration?

 

Sometimes there is not enough time and you have to wait until you get home to have your coffee.

 

If he felt bad with his performance, I did too.. it's not only the guy that is affected when they can't get hard. The women also think she's not attractive of hot enough. Have you ever thought about that?

 

The difference is that you are blaming him and taking it out on him for the way you feel. That is where you're incorrect.

[Thainara]

Just because you understood it to be different, doesn't mean that's his fault. Nothing he did sounds wrong.

 

 

That's not how I felt. Like I said I was also feeling embarrassed with whole thing and he asking me to leave like that took me by surprise and I felt even worst.

[Careerchoice]

That's not how I felt. Like I said I was also feeling embarrassed with whole thing and he asking me to leave like that took me by surprise and I felt even worst.

 

It's completely reasonable for him to have asked you to leave in that situation.

[Thainara]

He wasn't treating you like a wh*re.

 

Also genitals not being ready for sex isn't always as simple as "take a pill". He also offered for you to come over some evening that wasn't going to start to late. You are taking his erection personally. Which is the least supportive thing you can do for someone with any kind of ED. And he might not even have ED I know some guys who can't get up early in a relationship because it's so new and it has nothing to do with attartcion just the stress and anxiety of a new connection.

 

 

I don't know, I just felt confused at the moment and I felt bad for him and for me. But again what made me feel really bad was the way he woke me up and the hurry he was to take me home. He was not caring of sweet and clearly wanted to get rid of me to "run errands" it was not expecting that and he even commented that I was looking dizzy and sleepy... sorry but this is not the way I want to be treated.