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My gf and I are on a break


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Ok, so... We've been together for more than a year, but "officially" we went exclusive and full relationship 9 months ago. Since that moment everything was perfect and she was truly, madly deeply in love with me, and so did I. We were filled with such happiness and we spent a lot of time together, but also with friends, I was there for her in a couple of tough moments for me and she supported me when I was down.


Up until... 2 months ago I still looked at her on videocalls and she smiled and blushed, anyone could tell she was in love with me. But not only that, all this time we developed deep feelings for each other and had a deep connection, like we were "perfect". I know nobody is perfect, but he have many traits to make our relationship as perfect as possible, and one thing we valued the most was our honesty and communication.


The thing is that she has problems back home, her parents really undermine her everyday and control her a lot, they started making a lot of arguments about her and the cellphone use, even though she's 18 and can decide for herself. She started Uni 2 months ago but then she started to lose time and struggle to put all her life in balance. I know that because I've been there and I'm still at Uni, until she snapped and became lost and confused. She showed me she had 17 chats and everyone asking time and wanting to spend time with her, at the same time we started spending less and less time. I tried to keep it cool and tried to reason with her that we needed to balance, that at least one time a week we should do something together.


Exactly a month ago, she sent me an email really beautiful saying that she doesn't know anything for sure in life, except that she loves me and that she wants to be with me, that this "confusion" or whatever it is will pass and that we will be able to feel fine again.


Awyway, things went downwards since then and I started to realize that this relationship was weighing her down in this exact period of her life, she told me she didn't feel comfortable and that she couldn't handle all the pressure. Last Wednesday we talked very serious about us. She told me again all of this, and that she wants to be as happy as the first months, and that she doesn't know why she's tired of everything and "the only reason that comes to her mind is that maybe she doesn't feel the same". Ok, I know this may be true, but I know she still cares, she still feels but she's just handling too many things at once. So we talked and decided to take a break, to have time for ourselves and to let things cool down and try to make things right (because many of our daily habits started to be hard to keep up).





That being said, it's still sad, we ended saying each other goodbye for now, we agreed on No Contact except urgent stuff (and except to let the other now our packages arrived). We didn't set up a time limit and we agreed on not seeing other people (she told me she didn't wanted anyway because she needs time for herself).


But my package for her arrived on Friday, 2 days after that, she contacted me, she was very thankful and said she cried a lot reading the letter and looking at photos that I sent her and that she thinks of me. I was taking my time to answer and being distant but at the same time loving, I told her not to cry, to be strong, that we just need time to make things right.



We haven't spoken since, but I know for a fact she's sad, she added a couple of sad songs on our collaborative playlist on Spotify, and she's also been listening that kind of music.



I want to make things right, I've been using this time for myself, I want us to be fine again. I know we spent too much energy and time on our relationship that later was difficult to change those habits. I know she still loves me and cares for me, and of course she's not as "euphoric" as months ago, but I blame the stress and my not-so-attractive behaviour of this last couple of months. We both hadn't had a really long relationsip and she may be confusing not being "in love" (being happy, everthing's pink) with "not feeling the same". That's why I think we really can make things work, and I can get her fall for me again...



Also, she said she's going to send me the tracking number of my package (for my birthday, that she already bought weeks ago), aaaand she's probably texting me for my birthday. I don't know whether to answer her very short or just go with NC and ignore her. I don't know how long this break is going to take, but making a wild guess, things may settle down by mid-December, we both end our semesters and maybe we can think with a cold head.



Before any of you ask it, I really think it's worth it, I know that may be others for her and me, but I want to give it a shot at this, it's something so beautiful to leave it behind just because 2 months weren't fine.



I want to know what do you people think about this... what advice you may tell me. I'm asking myself a lot of questions these days and have been using the time for myself, I really want to make this work, even though she's in a hole so so deep she can't find a solution right now. (She suffers from depression, btw)

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Well the ball doesn't have to be just in her court. You can figure out what you want from the relationship. I realize you want to make it work, I just feel if someone wants to be with you they will never be too stressed, busy, sick or sad. When she says she's not into this anymore I hate to be blunt, she means it!


Her asking to be exclusive while you sit there wondering if you'll ever be together again? That's unfair on her part!


So you need to ask yourself do you deserve this? What about your needs?



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Well, I admit that the last month and a half I've been acting needy and a little controlling (I was not like that the previous months but ever since she started spending more time with her new friends I entered in panic mode). I realized this 2 weeks before the break and started to change, things went better but still there's a mix of things we need to change. Our priorities in life (mine and hers), our time organization and more. The extra burden she has is her family and all this confusion in her head.


I know you say is a bit unfair, but I'm planning on spending this time for myself also, I've spent too much effort and energy to make this work and now I have all this extra time to pass my exams and to enjoy my life like before. I'm sure what I want in a relationship, someone who's not afraid to commit and will not risk to lose me. And she's in two minds, for one side doesn't want to lose me and the other wants to stay together but we just can't right now, is hard for me too not being able to help her. I guess when things calm down we can talk these things and prepare if it ever happens again to tackle problems together rather than separated.


Also, she posted a couple of sad godbye songs, maybe she's dramatizing, because it isn't supposed to be a thing of many months, 2 months at maximum. But guessing for the way she received the package she must be taking this pretty hard. For me I'm just... confused, maybe? I know what to do, I'm just a afraid we might grow apart, that's why I will not let this be extra long, by December I will be reaching out and see what happens. Because even if she makes up her mind about me and decides to go back together, she may be still struggling with her family. What do you think?

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People who call time-outs on relationships this early on are usually on their way out the door for good, in my experience. You shouldn't need to "make" someone fall for you again when you've been together only around a year. The right girl for you doesn't need that much encouragement to be with you; she just feels it on an instinctive level and wants to be your partner.


She's also just started school, which is a whole new chapter. New challenges, new people, new distractions.


I know you don't want to hear this, but both of the above factors combined don't bode too well. It's not out of the question completely that she'll come back, of course, but breaks aren't usually conducive to long-lasting relationships. If you're not actively working together to sort out whatever problems you had that led to her calling a break, then it's a really a break-up under a different label.

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I know... I know the odds are this relationship, she's 19 and is experiencing changes, and we've talked about this before and I told her that days like these may come, when we need to put extra effort in our relationship and she was 100% sure that we will get through this together. Hell, even a month ago she told me this was temporal but that she still loves me, that we will be fine again. (We are together for more than a year, even though we're young, it's not a couple of months relationship)


And I know that the thruth is hard but I can only speak for what I made her feel, and I made her feel really happy, she was truly happy with me for a long time, she knows that and still thinks this was the best and most real relationship she ever had. I guess I blamed all this combination of things, but I didn't react well either and that pushed her away (I started being more controlling/needy). I also can say that her problems are real, with her health, her family, those are not excuses and I truly believe it's hard for both of us to keep this right now. That's why I hope this is for the best.


My package for her arrived and she was really thankful, she told me she cried reading my letter and that she's sad. I told her to be strong for us.


2 days after that she started posting photos of a classmate at her Uni during class, joking around, later posting a video of a rock concert showing he was by her side, then a photo saying "The Best Night!". I was about to say something to her, but my friends told me maybe that is the thing she was expecting from me, to react badly so she can say that he was just a friend and that I don't trust her. The thruth is that it was obviously meant for me to see, I don't know why she behaved like that, just too soon after all that we talked and agreed, we clarified about not going on dates, and this was just a classmate... The thing is that I let the days go by and yesterday she send me a birthday message, very tender saying she still loves me very much and hopes I'm doing well. I don't know, but I think that if she's cheating she would tell me, who would let her boyfriend know of an infidelity by an Instagram post?

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  • 2 weeks later...
This is not looking good. Breaks are pointless esp in a LDR, you pretty much have a break all time since you aren't seeing your partner. Obviously if she is moving on to another guy, she doesn't care about you.


Amen to this! I got handed that same bs line in a LDR. Take a break, be friends. So busy....pfffttttt

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Amen to this! I got handed that same bs line in a LDR. Take a break, be friends. So busy....pfffttttt


I was handed this line by 2 different guys. One I had barely started dating long distance (left home after a month of dating) and another after about 5 months. Both ended w/us not working out.

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