Fell in love with my colleague who lives on the other side of the country

[Koalagirl123]

Long story short, I saw him at a conference, or rather he saw me. He literally spent a whole night just staring at me and didn't introduce himself. The next day I saw that he was one of the panelists, but I didn't introduce myself bc I figured there was a reason he didn't come up to talk to me.

 

Then I asked my friend about him a week later. Turns out we have a million things in common. We're both activists working that are into fitness, travelling, modeling, social media, and we're both vegan. Then she mentioned we were working together on this project and that I should email him.

 

I finally got the nerve to email him while I was in Luxembourg and I scheduled a Skype date (except we called it a meeting) when I got to London. We had a lot of chemistry and he kept on asking me questions like you would ask someone on a date. But we were both awkward.

 

Then I added him on FB and he started liking all of my posts but never messaged me. It was literally just me messaging him about work stuff when I had to and he always got back to me. Eventually he stopped liking my posts and I wasn't sure why.

 

The he posted on IG about how he was sad bc his mom passed and it was her birthday. I DMd him trying to cheer him up and then we started getting really flirty. He mentioned he had a dream about traveling I Europe and that he wishes he was here instead of the states and that he would love to come travel with me next year. I mentioned I may be moving to England or Germany next year for work but that nothing is set in stone and that I would love to see him here. He never responded and I'm just so confused.

 

Just a note, I need to move bc I have NO prospects in this city and I know I would do well where he lives, but we haven't talked enough for me to tell him I'm thinking about moving there. Either way, I need to travel A LOT for work so any relationship I have would have to be long distance. I would be spending half the year traveling, at best. That's his choice if he doesn't want to deal with it, but I'd like to at least explain the situation.

 

The other possibility is that the reason he's being flaky is that hes sorting through his own issues (I was when I saw him at the conference, so even if he hit on me I would have rejected his advances.)

 

Can someone please tell me what to do? Do I just move on? Do I say something? Do I just ignore it and pretend like it didn't bother me? Should I just be straightforward, tell him we have enough in common to the point where we should just get to know eachother and see what happens, even though it will be awkward to work with him after?

 

Please give me some advice. I haven't liked anyone this much in a while and this honestly sucks.

[Honeycomb8]

Huh, you hardly know this guy, you are not in love with him. o_O...It's infatuation at best.

He's not interested in you sorry.

[firelily]

He may be interested, but isn't in love as you are. He's flaky. From what you've described, from the beginning he was interested, but not sure if he wants to make it happen. If you guys are not as close as to trust each other, know how the other person feels, being comfortable with each other's feelings, then it might be too soon to make plans to live where he lives. Not only for his sake - if he's not sure how he feels about you, it might freak him out: it's a lot ask somebody to accommodate their normal life for somebody whom they've talked with only a couple of times and didn't have time to really like yet.

 

But mostly for your sake - getting to know this guy in person might be disappointing, and you shouldn't make plans around him, cause you have a lot of amazing things to do in Europe, meeting new people... and your professional dreams, which should be your priority. You shouldn't feel guilty that you can only offer long distance - you're you, you're awesome, and if someone wants to be close to you that's nice, but you shouldn't change your life for someone inspiring you just got to know. You don't have to explain anything to him. Make your dreams happen, go to England, to Germany, whatever your heart wants to go regardless of, duh, guys. And with this guy take things slowly and see where it goes. See if he appreciates you as much as you appreciate him, because if not, then you deserve someone who does. If it's meant to happen, it will happen - you said your job involves travelling, so changing the location later, if it turned out he is interested in spending time with you, shouldn't be a problem. And maybe you will meet someone even more amazing in Europe, because life always surprises us - someone who's as interested in you as you are in him.

 

The only pro of clarifying things is that if he already knows you're not a girlfriend material for him and he never ever wants you to come, you could move on more quickly and save yourself time and energy. So don't make any plans around him, and don't push him to make plans with you, but find out if he would ever be interested in getting to know you better, to save yourself time if he wouldn't.

[abitbroken]

to me, i would have just waited to naturally run into him at the next function unless he made a stronger move to see you or connect with you. The problem with this is that you two didn't connect at all when you were in person with him -- you made the first move of emailing him. It was just perceived staring. if you guys had dinner during the conference, I could say that there was mutual interest. Its sounds like your friend played matchmaker a little and you emailed and skyped with some expectations that perhaps he didn't share. I think it was too soon to ask him to visit --- you hadn't even had coffee or tea with him or lunch yet. And does your friend really know if he is married or dating anyone? I would back off and let him make the next move -- and at the next conference, connect with him there -- make it known that you are going and then leave it in his court to make a move - to ask you to coffee or dinner while you are there.