Pretzel Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I hadn't seen him in about 6 weeks. I actually bumped into him at the train station coming back from some work drinks, so luckily, i was quite mellow and tipsy. When he saw me, he stopped. I said hi. He didn't say a word, he just put his arms around me, and I hugged him back, and we stayed like that for a really really long time. It was very surreal. I then told him that I wished we could have talked after our last horrible exchange, wished we could have at least left things on good terms, wished we could have forgiven each other for everything. He told me that he wished he could have talked to me too, but that the reason he hasn't been in touch is because he felt that nothing he could say would help. And that we would never agree on how the relationship was and that we see things differently. I told him I agree that we saw things differently and we won't agree and that for the same reason i don't want to talk about the relationship anymore either. But I said that I did want to make peace. And he said he is sorry for everything and forgives me for everything and that it's not my fault that he wasn't a great boyfriend to me in the past couple of months. I said that I forgive him too. There was so much emotion between us, he was looking at me wistfully, I could see his eyes travelling across my face and hair. He told me that I looked wonderful after I joked that I wouldn't have seen him if I were wearing any makeup and looked remotely decent. He told me he just got a new job - he was looking for one for ages while we were together - i flung my arms around him saying congratulations (this is was partly probably me acting very merry from being tipsy), but afterwards I was deeply confused inside and hurt because it felt like (for that one split second) I was his girlfriend again. But then the realization suddenly hit that I'm not part of his life, nor his cheerleader anymore, made me sink into deep deep sadness afterwards. But that level of enthusiasm for him having a new job was a knee-jerk reaction. Seeing him made me miss him so much. It brought back all these loving feelings. The pain is unreal. It's so differently from simply seeing a photo. That doesn't seem to have much of an effect on me. The good thing is that we left it on a good note, so I AM glad I ran into him. But wow. I wonder how one can walk away from love, like this. He can, so I should be able to. But it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. These feelings are overwhelming me today. Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.