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My girlfriend and I officially broke up last night and I need your opinion on if it was for the best


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So I've been on this forum since March in regards to my now ex, as of yesterday. I need your guy's opinion on whether this was for the best based on what I've been going through with her this year. I keep beating myself saying it's my fault for what had happened in May, but I'll explain that in a bit.


So since I started nursing school in January, my girl hasn't really been there for me when I needed her. What I mean by that is that when I actually had free time and I wasn't busy with school, she didn't really want to spend time with me, but would usually choose her friends over me on the weekends. We normally saw each other everyday during the week, but it was our routine thing to do, which would be to gym together. Well anyways during my first semester of nursing school this was our main issue. Her choosing her friends over me.


Fast forward to May, we were hanging out one night at my house and her best friend who is a girl, and who she also works with messaged her to hang out. This is the same girl she's been always hanging out with during my first semester in nursing school and who she turned me down a couple of times to hang out with. Well anyways, she left me that night, and decided to see her best friend saying, it's been a while since she's hung out with her, but keep in mind they always see each other at work, and this is the same girl she would always hang out with on the weekends. That night when she left, I was by myself, and i don't know why i did this, but I hung out with a classmate from my school and I lied to my girl about it and told her I went to the gym. I don't know why I lied, but I was afraid that she would have been upset with me hanging out with a girl, basically a friend from school. Well the following day I felt guilty for lying and I was going to tell her, but she ended up finding out about it herself, because my iCloud is linked from my phone to my MacBook pro and she saw my texts between my friend and I. This caused us to sort of be on a break for 5 months until just yesterday. During these 5 months we were trying to work things out, and she was trying to decide if she wanted me back, and I also don't know why I held on for so long. I feel so terrible for waiting that long and letting my summer go to waste by stressing about her and wanting nothing more than to get back with her.


Fast forward to 2 week ago, I mentioned in a previous thread that I had been jealous over a new friend who was introduced to our group. I was so jealous and insecure about this guy that it pushed her away and the only reason I was jealous was because of what had happened the week prior to us meeting this guy. A week prior her guy best friend asked why I didn't go with my girl and him, along with some new guy she didn't mention at all to a bar, whom she say's is a childhood friend. I asked my girl about it and she said she had forgotten to tell me, and with this situation I know how she felt when I lied to her about my classmate that I hung out with at night.


This whole year since I started nursing school, it's been going down hill and I've been beating myself saying it's my fault that we broke up. I spoke to her last night and she said she didn't think it was going to work out because she can't trust me for lying to her back in May. She said she still loves me, but the feelings for me isn't there and she didn't want to give me another chance. Am I completely at fault? I just feel like since starting nursing school, she hasn't really been there for me and that her friends were more of a priority to her. When she was going to school getting her bachelors in nutrition I was there for her, when I wasn't in nursing school yet, but now that I'm in nursing school I feel like she wasn't there to fully support me. She would always say, "I just want you to focus on school and stop worrying about me." That was just hard for me to accept when I rarely had the chance to spend "quality" time with her outside of the gym.

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It was both of your faults.


She wasn't giving you what you needed, which was quality time/support.


You weren't giving her what she needed, which was honesty.


Even if she forgave you, what do you think are the chances that she would have changed? You'd just be right back where you started. Yes, nursing school may be the catalyst, but if she was so unsupportive it would have eventually come out in some other way, basically as soon as you tried to lead your own life.


I'm sorry, OP. Move on and find someone who actually appreciates you and your efforts to better yourself. Also, good luck with the remainder of your schooling!

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I didn't check your other threads (if there are some) - but based on this post alone, I don't think it's an unrealistic expectation to want to spend time on the weekend with your gf.


I think she was checking out of the relationship in January. Maybe the May thing aggravated the situation - but I think she already had one foot out the door anyways.


Don't worry about placing blame or beating yourself up. It just wasn't meant to be.

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I haven't read your other posts, only this one. Going by this alone it seems like she was already have checked out of the relationship and was looking for any excuse to put the blame on you to end it.


She didn't give you any of the supported you needed. She also lied about who she spent time with. So while it was bad that youb lied - it's hypocritical of her to end it and not trust you due to that alone.


The fact she no longer has feelings is proof she already started to check out of the relationship. You aren't completely at fault, in future be honest about who you spend time with as honesty in any relationship is important, but it's clear this wasn't her only issue.

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I would say 90-10 her fault-your fault.


She was not respecting you as a partner. Leaving to hang out with someone else/choosing not to spend quality time with you hurts. I've been in a situation like that before and I am happy that I asserted my self-respect by breaking up with my then partner. We ended up reconciling, and she was far more attentive to me that time around. People respect you when you draw a line.


Your lie? Okay, it was small, and it was about hanging out with a girl. She has a guy best friend, and you can't hang out with someone of the opposite sex? Sounds like a double-standard to me. She already had her foot out the door, and was looking for an opportunity to break up with you. You presented that opportunity with a white lie, and now she'll tell you that it's your fault. If I were in your position, I would be calling her out for the double-standard, or that white lies like that are just an "apology" remedy.


If you want her back, the best way to do so is to move on with your life and find someone who appreciates you. When you find someone else and she finds out about it, you'll find she has an "easier time trusting you" again. Imo, you'll be at a point where you'll want to be with the person you respects you and gives you the attention you deserve, and so her reaching back out will be easy to ignore.

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So it’s been maybe a week that we broke up, but we’ve been on a break for 3 weeks before the break up and I haven’t seen her since. It’s been hard for me to sleep since we’ve been on a break and with the break up. I try to keep myself busy with school work, the gym and just talking to friends and family. I’ve been going on a date with this new girl and it’s exciting, but my ex is still on my mind. The moment I stop doing something she’ll come up in my mind. It’s just hard for me to accept the fact that she just wanted to end it because of what I had mentioned on my first post. Just 2 days ago I went to pick up a package that I had mailed to her house before we broke up and she didn’t even want to come out of her room to see me when her mom let me in the house. And that same day she blocked me on all social media because her mom found out that day after almost 3 years that her daughter and I have been bf and gf. I’ve ate with her parents before and even traveled across the country with my ex and her dad to see her brother, but we kept our relationship on the low down from her parents because she was afraid that her parents wouldn’t want her dating as she comes from a strict Chinese family. The thing that upset me that day was that her mom wasn’t upset and stated that she actually liked me... so that just made me feel even worse when I had to say bye to her mom that day.

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The emotions you're experiencing are are all perfectly normal, albeit very painful. This is what a break-up usually feels like, I'm afraid.


It's hard to say goodbye to an ex's family, too. I have had to let go of more than one loving family in my day. But unfortunately, how much the family likes you doesn't guarantee that a relationship will or should last. It's good that you've got this out of the way now.


Be patient with yourself. Your healing will take a while, and you'll have good days and bad.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So I’ve been doing really well as each week progressed until yesterday when I found out that during our 2 week break one of our friends who knew that I was trying to get back with my girl, basically talked to my girl behind my back and ended up being with her. I only found out because of a picture he posted of himself kissing my girl (now ex). I wasn’t suspicious of him to begin with, but in my previous post I was suspicious of another guy whom I was jealous about, which was his cousin. I’ve been focused on the wrong person this whole time and didn’t realize this guy had been talking to my girl behind my back. And I was only suspicious about it because he had blocked me on everything the day I had picked up a package from my ex’a house, when I didn’t even say anything for him to even block me in the first place....


I thought I was getting better, but now I’m back at square one. I’ve been having trouble sleeping again and my focus on school is off once again. It kills me to know that a friend did this to me behind my back and to be honest this isn’t the first time a friend has done this to me, which is why I don’t have many friends whom I trust.


Yesterday I was so angry and I basically threw everything I have of my ex and I away including pictures and tickets I had saved to places we’ve been to. Was I over reacting? I have pictures on my phone, but I feel like I should save those and keep those on a usb drive for some reason... I even said some stupid things to my ex yesterday when I found out, which I know for sure ended things for good as far as communication goes. I just don’t know why she didn’t just man up and tell me instead of having to drag things so long with me wanting and fighting for her back.

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She let this drag on because she wasn't sure where things were going with him. Very typical behaviour of people who have someone else in the wings, but aren't sure their interest is reciprocated.


I'm really sorry you've made this discovery, OP. I can imagine you feel just terrible right now. No, you didn't overreact by getting rid of everything that reminds you of her. There is no sense keeping memorabilia of someone who apparently betrayed you. The same goes for worrying that all communication with her has now ended for good. She isn't someone you would want to be in touch with in the future, take my word for it.

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