Rude?

[firstluvstruck]

I hope I was not used! I am so busy with work I use the dates as an outing to do what I want, too. This last dinner was very pricey though. Definitely went overboard (nice sushi spot).

[Bigbren]

She doesn't owe you anything. You asked her out, you made the effort. She was only a guest.

 

If she changes her mind and decides to give you another chance you should now know what type of person she is

[pippy longstocking]

I hope I was not used! I am so busy with work I use the dates as an outing to do what I want, too. This last dinner was very pricey though. Definitely went overboard (nice sushi spot).

 

I don't think you were used , I think she just has princess syndrome .

[True Story]

I hope I was not used! I am so busy with work I use the dates as an outing to do what I want, too. This last dinner was very pricey though. Definitely went overboard (nice sushi spot).

 

You may have been used. Whether it was her intention to use you or not, she was rude.

An ex-friend of mine once told me that shes wants to go on dates just so she can get taken to nice places to eat. Some people are just selfish and inconsiderate of others feelings.

Cheap dates or go dutch

[firstluvstruck]

And yet sometimes I still hope she reaches out lol

[figureitout23]

Disagree with tattolbunnie that you should continue to shell out for dates. Meeting for coffee as a first meet is very common practice. I did it with my boyfriend and I can assure you, we are not "friends".

 

Don't waste good money until you've met in person once before. Otherwise, you'll just get used.

 

I agreed with Tatoobunnie.

 

I don't know, everyone's different but I have yet to see a 'trend' besides on here where you have to be cheap on the first date so 'you don't get used'. Was the chick rude? Yes, but she's not obligated to continue to date him just because he paid for dinner. Folks seem to push protecting their wallets more than their privates... I don't know, it boggles my mind.

 

Funny story actually, this guy wanted to meet, but was so afraid of being catfished, not only did he refuse to meet at a halfway point (we were about 40 minutes apart) he insisted we meet at a grocery store! A GROCERY STORE! Needless to say, we did not meet.

[ThatwasThen]

I agreed with Tatoobunnie.

 

I don't know, everyone's different but I have yet to see a 'trend' besides on here where you have to be cheap on the first date so 'you don't get used'. Was the chick rude? Yes, but she's not obligated to continue to date him just because he paid for dinner. Folks seem to push protecting their wallets more than their privates... I don't know, it boggles my mind.

 

Funny story actually, this guy wanted to meet, but was so afraid of being catfished, not only did he refuse to meet at a halfway point (we were about 40 minutes apart) he insisted we meet at a grocery store! A GROCERY STORE! Needless to say, we did not meet.

 

No one is talking about "being cheap" on the first date. We are referring to not dropping a C-note on the FIRST MEET.

 

If you saw the fabulous café within my local grocery store you'd not be so incredulous about the prospect of a FIRST MEET there.

[firstluvstruck]

I don't expect a second date bc I bought dinner. Was bummed it didn't work out and confused at the mid convo ghost. And really thought it went well enough to at least warrant a second date. Hell, it went for 5 hours

[ThatwasThen]

I don't expect a second date bc I bought dinner. Was bummed it didn't work out and confused at the mid convo ghost. And really thought it went well enough to at least warrant a second date. Hell, it went for 5 hours

Maybe her husband walked into the room and she had to scoot? You don't know her from Adam. Chalk it up as experience and keep first meets to something simple and plan on it being quick. If you mesh, you can always advance the meet to a casual dinner.

[firstluvstruck]

Ha. Maybe so

[figureitout23]

No one is talking about "being cheap" on the first date. We are referring to not dropping a C-note on the FIRST MEET.

 

If you saw the fabulous café within my local grocery store you'd not be so incredulous about the prospect of a FIRST MEET there.

 

I'm well aware of them, he did not want to do that, he wanted to meet at the grocery store because it was 'public' and he needed groceries.

[ThatwasThen]

I'm well aware of them, he did not want to do that, he wanted to meet at the grocery store because it was 'public' and he needed groceries.

lol... Well, that's the epitome of "killing two birds with one stone."

[figureitout23]

lol... Well, that's the epitome of "killing two birds with one stone."

 

Yeah, maybe I should have given him a chance, clearly he's efficient...

[figureitout23]

I don't expect a second date bc I bought dinner. Was bummed it didn't work out and confused at the mid convo ghost. And really thought it went well enough to at least warrant a second date. Hell, it went for 5 hours

 

I know, OP, it was more a general statement, no offense meant.

 

Unfortunately, I just really don't think there's anyway to avoid situations like this when dating. Even if you went in with absolutely zero expectations, there was a connection for you, like you said it went on for 5 hours.

 

Why she ghosted you? Who knows, it was a jerk move, but it happens so often now a days, it's almost expected.

 

I just personally don't think limiting a first date will nessesarily protect you from feeling that sting. Dating is rough and not for the weak.

[ThatwasThen]

I just personally don't think limiting a first date will nessesarily protect you from feeling that sting. Dating is rough and not for the weak.

That's why you don't form expectations over email/text. You consider the FIRST MEET just that... a first meet. It's also why you don't email for weeks on end because it seems to be human nature to start crushing on someone over time just because you connect via a very limited medium that actually tells you nothing about the true them.

[firstluvstruck]

That's why you don't form expectations over email/text. You consider the FIRST MEET just that... a first meet. It's also why you don't email for weeks on end because it seems to be human nature to start crushing on someone over time just because you connect via a very limited medium that actually tells you nothing about the true them.

 

 

To crush and have it work out would be fun. But yes I'm learning as I go...the hard way.

[figureitout23]

That's why you don't form expectations over email/text. You consider the FIRST MEET just that... a first meet. It's also why you don't email for weeks on end because it seems to be human nature to start crushing on someone over time just because you connect via a very limited medium that actually tells you nothing about the true them.

 

 

While I agree that you shouldn't attach to someone before you meet them, I'm not wasting my gas to simply verify you look like your profile picture. I'm going to sit down and get to know you. I know within the first 5 seconds of looking at you whether or not I'm physically attracted to you, I'd like to know whether or not we mesh, you're telling me I have to make a second trip for that? That's a lot of work...

[ThatwasThen]

While I agree that you shouldn't attach to someone before you meet them, I'm not wasting my gas to simply verify you look like your profile picture. I'm going to sit down and get to know you. I know within the first 5 seconds of looking at you whether or not I'm physically attracted to you, I'd like to know whether or not we mesh, you're telling me I have to make a second trip for that? That's a lot of work...

That isn't what I'm saying at all.

[figureitout23]

That isn't what I'm saying at all.

 

My mistake.

 

What would you say is the difference between first date vs first meet?

[ThatwasThen]

A first meet is to meet who you have been chatting to and to see if the two of you would actually like to go on a date.

A date is where you make plans to do something together that will facilitate you getting to actually know one another in real life.

Wasting gas is what you do when you could have walked but you didn't.

[Fudgie]

I agreed with Tatoobunnie.

 

I don't know, everyone's different but I have yet to see a 'trend' besides on here where you have to be cheap on the first date so 'you don't get used'. Was the chick rude? Yes, but she's not obligated to continue to date him just because he paid for dinner. Folks seem to push protecting their wallets more than their privates... I don't know, it boggles my mind.

 

Funny story actually, this guy wanted to meet, but was so afraid of being catfished, not only did he refuse to meet at a halfway point (we were about 40 minutes apart) he insisted we meet at a grocery store! A GROCERY STORE! Needless to say, we did not meet.

 

It's entitlement to expect a dinner from a total stranger on a first meet. You don't even know if you two have in person chemistry! Are you telling me that whether you go to coffee versus a nice dinner makes a difference in how you feel about a person?

 

If the answer is yes, you're a gold-digger.

 

I have no idea where you got the idea that people are protecting their wallets more than their privates. He's not angling for casual sex here.

[Fudgie]

Wasting gas is what you do when you could have walked but you didn't.

 

It's "wasting gas" unless you get a free meal out of it, apparently.

[figureitout23]

It's entitlement to expect a dinner from a total stranger on a first meet. You don't even know if you two have in person chemistry! Are you telling me that whether you go to coffee versus a nice dinner makes a difference in how you feel about a person?

 

If the answer is yes, you're a gold-digger.

 

I don't know, everyone's different but I have yet to see a 'trend' besides on here where you have to be cheap on the first date so 'you don't get used'. Was the chick rude? Yes, but she's not obligated to continue to date him just because he paid for dinner.

 

Please point out where you got 'gold digger'? I hardly think receiving a 2 for 20 makes one a gold digger. A person can expect anything they want. Its extremely presumptive to decide if I or anyone is 'entitled' based on covering the price of chicken wings , there's a difference between expecting something and demanding it. Put on the brakes please.

 

I have never asked or expected a man to pay for my dinner or coffee or anything. Every single first date I've gone on has been at a restaurant and the man has paid, (wait no, I think one was dutch). I don't know why, I never asked or expected it, the bill came and they snatched it. How does that make me a gold digger? Should I have insisted we go dutch? Should I have insisted we do something cheap? I really don't understand what I 'should' have done differently. What obscure rule am I breaking that's making you suggest I'm a gold digger?

 

 

I have no idea where you got the idea that people are protecting their wallets more than their privates. He's not angling for casual sex here.

 

I wasn't referencing the original poster, but the general board reaction when it comes to paying for dinner - gold digger!!!!!!!! vs. the the general board reaction when it comes to casual sex - you chose to open your legs! He owed you nothing! You cant use the willing!

 

 

 

It's "wasting gas" unless you get a free meal out of it, apparently.

 

 

Its wasting gas, mascara and a perfectly good outfit, to me, to drive somewhere to meet someone to decide if i want to do exactly what were already doing, which is meet! Why not just stay the extra hour and call it what it is, a date. What so scary about the title 'first date'? I define first date the same way other posters define first meet so to me its just changing the label to lessen the pressure and expectation. Its still the same thing to me. Its really not that big of a deal, just differing views. Everyone appraoches dating different, theres no right or wrong, its just what works for each person

 

For me, If I feel a spark with someone, why am I waiting to go on something labeled a date? That's an extra step that I feel is unnecessary and I'm entitled to that opinion. Its simply not how I choose to approach dating. If a guy planned a weekend getaway or a trip to paris, yeah, I'd probably suggest something a little more low key, but I don't think there's anything wrong with Starbucks or Applebees or a nice french restaurant. If a man chooses to pay, even though his date doesn't plan to see him again, that's his choice, she owes him nothing and shes not using him, well...unless she went on the date to simply eat, which happens I'm sure, but I digress.

[itsallgrand]

It's super easy and efficient (sorry if that isn't romantic) when first meeting to meet at a nice, public place like a coffee bar or a common meeting place in your city/town. Get a coffee, or a little snack. Spend some time together chatting, see if you like each other. If you do, it's easy enough to lengthen it and/or arrange another meet/a date later.

 

Doing it 'cheaply' (I don't think it's cheap, I think it's practical) with coffee or whatever also keeps both people from being stuck in a long dinner if you find out you don't even like each other within 10 mins. With a coffee you can excuse yourself and go, super easy.

 

No one has to pay a bunch of money, which is a consideration because when looking for a match, we often have to meet a lot of different people and are going out a lot to do so. Expensive sushi dinners can wait for when you know there's a flow and want to treat.

 

There's so many benefits to keeping it light at the beginning (in time, and in money)...I could go on.

 

As far as men paying of their own volition, well yes, but that the same time, there is a social norm that puts pressure on men to do that...why not lessen their load a bit and be considerate and simply say "thanks for offer to treat for a dinner, but how about X instead? " It won't matter if the idea is to spend some time together.

[ThatwasThen]

Simply put: Had the Op not gotten so attached during their lengthy email/text chatting and just invited her out to coffee within a week or two of emailing, he wouldn't be as disappointed as he seems to be now over her rudeness. I suspect he would be just as perplexed at said rudeness though.